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@thehermesguy
Hermes needs to stop using my cave to punish George and Martha.
But it’s effective!
And? My cave was JUST fine without you and your snakes in it. When I asked Mother Circe if I could own the cave, that didn’t count those “friendly visits” of yours.
You’re so rude, don’t you think, Johnny?
Never call me Johnny. Gods, I wish Athena was my patron.
Athena’s boring. I’m sure your brother Telemachus falls asleep just listening to her excruciatingly time-sucking lectures.
Hermes needs to stop using my cave to punish George and Martha.
But it’s effective!
And? My cave was JUST fine without you and your snakes in it. When I asked Mother Circe if I could own the cave, that didn’t count those “friendly visits” of yours.
You’re so rude, don’t you think, Johnny?
Hermes needs to stop using my cave to punish George and Martha.
But it’s effective!
HERMES
—————
You spot Hermes up on Mount Olympus, chilling, and also in some old, green 1700’s suit. He’s dressed like new money and smells like fake royalty. Shall you approach him?
————————————————
tag list:
@penelope-is-waiting , @ithacas-prince
I DONT KNOW MANY PEOPLE OAKSKOINOWMXEOIMW
when is my dad coming back chat 😭
well it was a bit dangerous, my friend, he needed a mindset change for it, he wanted to get home, so I told him to put it all on the line.
long story short he’s coming back soon 🙌🙌 (might be some mass murder but i can’t confirm that. i’m just the god of messengers, thievery, and cheeseburgers according to percy jackson which i’m not arguing about)
LIN MANUEL MIRANDA???? WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THERE MUSIC PLAYING
wait.. REALLY??
came back with the milk and a bunch of dead bodies, son!
DAD??? WGAT IS HAPPENING??
oh yeah btw I’m engaged now 🔥
HOYL SHHT WHAT TELEMACHUS YOURE NOT EVEN A TEENAGER verbal keyboard slam
“Father… I’m.. I’m 20.”
IMPOSSIBLE
“You’ve been gone for 20 years-“
“How long.. did you think it was?”
“..I thought it was 13, at least— how long did Calypso have me on Ogygia. Oh- by the way, Calypso is a goddess who kidnapped me. Thought I should tell you that. Anyways—“
“Then.. you spent seven years on that island.”
“Impossible.”
“Not really, I’ve been waiting for you. Since FOREVER!!
ody sobbing “I’M SORRY!”
Pats his back.
“I know. But mom has been weaving for three years because of the suitors.”
“..suitors? Where?”
“All over the palace. 108.”
Also ‼️ I 🥰 have 👍 a 😁 new 👑 bestie 👯 and 😇 her 👩 name 🪪 is 👁️ ATHENA!! 🦉
“She’s kinda modest, but let’s be honest, I knew she was a goddess. So let’s be honest we both love ATHENA ‼️‼️‼️”
“..she never accepted my high-five, though.” D:
“She accepted mine??” He looks bewildered.
“She helped me beat some asses cause I almost got mine beat. Also she was surprisingly gentle to me.”
“..”
Odysseus frowns.
“She was always really harsh with me—“
“Can’t relate.”
“Why are you my son.”
“Well, because you-“ [REDACTED]
“SHHSHHHHSHSHHH—“
“And then you—“ [REDACTED] “To my mom, and—“ I’m not getting paid enough for this.
“NO NO TELEMACHUS SHUT UP— TAKE LESSONS FROM HEATHER!”
TELEMACHUS WHY?
“Because……. Greet the world with open arms bud.”
crying odysseus noises
“Why r u crying dude.. no matter the place we can light up the world here’s how to start!!”
“STOP.”
Wow you became the sign!!
another fresh batch of sobbing
Anyways,, so many heroes, so many talesssss…
Oh my gods.
give me one good reasonnn why yours should prevail!!
—He’s got the mind of a genius.
Try harder :/
He’s pretty skilled with words.
You can do better than that… :|
He’s kind of funny..?
Ehhhh..
Never once has he cheated on his wife. satisfied smirk (unlike angelica)
….. eye twitch.
release him.
turns to jason’s coffin
I played your game and won. Release him.
oh no
rises from coffin
You dare to defy me? To make me feel shame? No one beats me. No one wins my game!
Thunder, bring her
Through the wringer!
Show her I’m the judgement call!
The one who makes her kingdom fall!
explosion
OH CRAP
…
is she dead 😨
warrior of the mind theme
let him go
please
let him go
😟…
dangerous theme starts playing
*hysterical laughing*
Hello, old friend!
..wrong account.
So you’re the one who talked to Calypso.. why are you here?
You’re being given a final option, consider this your one last chance to make it back home and abandon caution, wash it away like the bloods your hands have known.
“Can I beat your ass again pleeeassseee!! :3”
- @ithacas-prince
NONONONNONOONONONONONNNNOONOONONON
TELEMACHUS NO
“What’s that? I hear a yesss.”
PLEASE DO NOT BEAT MY CLOACA MAXIMUS TELEMACHUS I WILL BE CALLING YOUR FATHER
“….”
“Okay!” He proceeds to grab Apollo.
“HAHA LOSER!!”
Insert the most brutal jumping on a god you have ever seen.
“For the god of healing, you’re pretty bad at this.”
I HATE YOU
bones cease to exist
“WOMP. FUCKING. WOMP.” He stomps on him.
“Bet you feel like you’re in your mortal body again, huh?”
ODNTY YUO DARE BRINGa LESTER FUcKUNG PAPSIdoOULOS INTO TIHIS
“LESTER PAPADOPOULOS CAN GO-“ [redacted]
HAHA
He blinks, still beating the god. “Hello small child.”
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE MEG
squirms away from telemachus
“Uppercut him, NOW.”
“BET!”
I HATE YOU ALL
combusts into light and appears like 2 feet away aw SHI-
“HA!”
AUGH I WANT TO DIE SO BADLY
“Ahem. Discus, laurel, bathtub.”
"Telemachus- what, whatcha doing with my uncle??"
“Nothing!!”
“A lot.”
“you’re next.”
“Oh.”
PLEASE STOP NOT THE BATHTUB— NOT THE DISCUS.. NOT THE LAURELS..
He pulls out a hyacinth.
“THIS YOUR BOYFRIEND??”
SOBBING
YOU KNOW THE RULES. AND SO DO I. SAY GOODBYE.
prepare to be smitten
smoted
smote
smite
smited
whatever
“alright. First death, I guess.”
burnt telemachus on the ground like those stupid cartoon characters
He’s fucking dead. He’s dead now.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SON
“He’s fucking dead, Odysseus.”
I lost a son before. His name was Philip.
“Get over it.”
IT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO!
IT WAS 218 YEARS AGO.
“also I gave Eacker the guns.”
“Me.”
You.
raises pistol at the sky
“Can I beat your ass again pleeeassseee!! :3”
- @ithacas-prince
NONONONNONOONONONONONNNNOONOONONON
TELEMACHUS NO
“What’s that? I hear a yesss.”
PLEASE DO NOT BEAT MY CLOACA MAXIMUS TELEMACHUS I WILL BE CALLING YOUR FATHER
“….”
“Okay!” He proceeds to grab Apollo.
“HAHA LOSER!!”
Insert the most brutal jumping on a god you have ever seen.
“For the god of healing, you’re pretty bad at this.”
I HATE YOU
bones cease to exist
“WOMP. FUCKING. WOMP.” He stomps on him.
“Bet you feel like you’re in your mortal body again, huh?”
ODNTY YUO DARE BRINGa LESTER FUcKUNG PAPSIdoOULOS INTO TIHIS
“LESTER PAPADOPOULOS CAN GO-“ [redacted]
HAHA
He blinks, still beating the god. “Hello small child.”
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE MEG
squirms away from telemachus
“Uppercut him, NOW.”
“BET!”
I HATE YOU ALL
combusts into light and appears like 2 feet away aw SHI-
“HA!”
AUGH I WANT TO DIE SO BADLY
“Ahem. Discus, laurel, bathtub.”
"Telemachus- what, whatcha doing with my uncle??"
“Nothing!!”
“A lot.”
“you’re next.”
“Oh.”
PLEASE STOP NOT THE BATHTUB— NOT THE DISCUS.. NOT THE LAURELS..
He pulls out a hyacinth.
“THIS YOUR BOYFRIEND??”
SOBBING
YOU KNOW THE RULES. AND SO DO I. SAY GOODBYE.
prepare to be smitten
smoted
smote
smite
smited
whatever
“alright. First death, I guess.”
burnt telemachus on the ground like those stupid cartoon characters
He’s fucking dead. He’s dead now.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SON
“He’s fucking dead, Odysseus.”
I lost a son before. His name was Philip.
“Get over it.”
IT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO!
IT WAS 218 YEARS AGO.
“also I gave Eacker the guns.”
“Can I beat your ass again pleeeassseee!! :3”
- @ithacas-prince
NONONONNONOONONONONONNNNOONOONONON
TELEMACHUS NO
“What’s that? I hear a yesss.”
PLEASE DO NOT BEAT MY CLOACA MAXIMUS TELEMACHUS I WILL BE CALLING YOUR FATHER
“….”
“Okay!” He proceeds to grab Apollo.
“HAHA LOSER!!”
Insert the most brutal jumping on a god you have ever seen.
“For the god of healing, you’re pretty bad at this.”
I HATE YOU
bones cease to exist
“WOMP. FUCKING. WOMP.” He stomps on him.
“Bet you feel like you’re in your mortal body again, huh?”
ODNTY YUO DARE BRINGa LESTER FUcKUNG PAPSIdoOULOS INTO TIHIS
“LESTER PAPADOPOULOS CAN GO-“ [redacted]
HAHA
He blinks, still beating the god. “Hello small child.”
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE MEG
squirms away from telemachus
“Uppercut him, NOW.”
“BET!”
I HATE YOU ALL
combusts into light and appears like 2 feet away aw SHI-
“HA!”
AUGH I WANT TO DIE SO BADLY
“Ahem. Discus, laurel, bathtub.”
"Telemachus- what, whatcha doing with my uncle??"
“Nothing!!”
“A lot.”
“you’re next.”
“Oh.”
PLEASE STOP NOT THE BATHTUB— NOT THE DISCUS.. NOT THE LAURELS..
He pulls out a hyacinth.
“THIS YOUR BOYFRIEND??”
SOBBING
YOU KNOW THE RULES. AND SO DO I. SAY GOODBYE.
prepare to be smitten
smoted
smote
smite
smited
whatever
“alright. First death, I guess.”
burnt telemachus on the ground like those stupid cartoon characters
He’s fucking dead. He’s dead now.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SON
“He’s fucking dead, Odysseus.”
I lost a son before. His name was Philip.
“Get over it.”
IT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO!
IT WAS 218 YEARS AGO.
“Can I beat your ass again pleeeassseee!! :3”
- @ithacas-prince
NONONONNONOONONONONONNNNOONOONONON
TELEMACHUS NO
“What’s that? I hear a yesss.”
PLEASE DO NOT BEAT MY CLOACA MAXIMUS TELEMACHUS I WILL BE CALLING YOUR FATHER
“….”
“Okay!” He proceeds to grab Apollo.
“HAHA LOSER!!”
Insert the most brutal jumping on a god you have ever seen.
“For the god of healing, you’re pretty bad at this.”
I HATE YOU
bones cease to exist
“WOMP. FUCKING. WOMP.” He stomps on him.
“Bet you feel like you’re in your mortal body again, huh?”
ODNTY YUO DARE BRINGa LESTER FUcKUNG PAPSIdoOULOS INTO TIHIS
“LESTER PAPADOPOULOS CAN GO-“ [redacted]
HAHA
He blinks, still beating the god. “Hello small child.”
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE MEG
squirms away from telemachus
“Uppercut him, NOW.”
“BET!”
I HATE YOU ALL
combusts into light and appears like 2 feet away aw SHI-
“HA!”
AUGH I WANT TO DIE SO BADLY
“Ahem. Discus, laurel, bathtub.”
"Telemachus- what, whatcha doing with my uncle??"
“Nothing!!”
“A lot.”
“you’re next.”
“Oh.”
PLEASE STOP NOT THE BATHTUB— NOT THE DISCUS.. NOT THE LAURELS..
He pulls out a hyacinth.
“THIS YOUR BOYFRIEND??”
SOBBING
YOU KNOW THE RULES. AND SO DO I. SAY GOODBYE.
prepare to be smitten
smoted
smote
smite
smited
whatever
“alright. First death, I guess.”
burnt telemachus on the ground like those stupid cartoon characters
He’s fucking dead. He’s dead now.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SON
“He’s fucking dead, Odysseus.”
I lost a son before. His name was Philip.
Open Starter -- Hi Percy! Wait a min-
You were walking through camp, when you spotted someone, raven black hair, sea green eyes, lightly tanned skin, was that Percy Jackson, or?..
His hair was cut short like Percy, almost exactly like it. He also had the orange Camp Half-Blood shirt and jeans. He was fiddling with a sword, he looked done. He had more freckles then you remember?
"Oh gods... Athena give me strength" He whispered.
You just said a quick, "Hi Percy."
He gave you a weird look. "Excuse me?"
This... this was actually not Percy.
This was the son of Odysseus.
Which.. was ironic.
tl: @thehermesguy, @unhinged-waterlilly (idk who else)
“You aren’t Percy? Oh, well, sorry.”
(This guy had an awkward resemblance to Lin Manuel Miranda.)
“How do I get mistaked for Percy?”
“You two have the same physical attributions, not my fault.”
“Fair enough but.. what similar features do I have again?” How tf did he forget already holy moly (heh) short term memory WHO.
“I’ll make a list.”
annoyed Hermes
Open Starter -- Hi Percy! Wait a min-
You were walking through camp, when you spotted someone, raven black hair, sea green eyes, lightly tanned skin, was that Percy Jackson, or?..
His hair was cut short like Percy, almost exactly like it. He also had the orange Camp Half-Blood shirt and jeans. He was fiddling with a sword, he looked done. He had more freckles then you remember?
"Oh gods... Athena give me strength" He whispered.
You just said a quick, "Hi Percy."
He gave you a weird look. "Excuse me?"
This... this was actually not Percy.
This was the son of Odysseus.
Which.. was ironic.
tl: @thehermesguy, @unhinged-waterlilly (idk who else)
“You aren’t Percy? Oh, well, sorry.”
(This guy had an awkward resemblance to Lin Manuel Miranda.)
“How do I get mistaked for Percy?”
“You two have the same physical attributions, not my fault.”
Open Starter -- Hi Percy! Wait a min-
You were walking through camp, when you spotted someone, raven black hair, sea green eyes, lightly tanned skin, was that Percy Jackson, or?..
His hair was cut short like Percy, almost exactly like it. He also had the orange Camp Half-Blood shirt and jeans. He was fiddling with a sword, he looked done. He had more freckles then you remember?
"Oh gods... Athena give me strength" He whispered.
You just said a quick, "Hi Percy."
He gave you a weird look. "Excuse me?"
This... this was actually not Percy.
This was the son of Odysseus.
Which.. was ironic.
tl: @thehermesguy, @unhinged-waterlilly (idk who else)
“You aren’t Percy? Oh, well, sorry.”
(This guy had an awkward resemblance to Lin Manuel Miranda.)
Open Starter
Hermes, god of messengers, dashed to the foot of Camp Half-Blood, a safe campsite for demigods, children of the Olympians, to live. He had a package underneath his armpit. He took a look at a note he left himself on the package to see who it was for.
“..deliver for [insert your name but pronounced super wrong]? Did I say that correctly?” He looked around. Nobody had shown up. “Oh, c’mon!” He whined and stomped on the ground. He set down the package and left.
You caught him leaving.
this is really short.
Has someone lost a child?
“What do you mean by that?”
You're a small child
“In what world do I look like a child?”
You're tiny
“Are you okay? Do I need to get Apollo or one of his kids?”
Several of Apollo's kids are my kids
“You are confusing and I think I need to call an ambulance—“
Open Starter
Hermes, god of messengers, dashed to the foot of Camp Half-Blood, a safe campsite for demigods, children of the Olympians, to live. He had a package underneath his armpit. He took a look at a note he left himself on the package to see who it was for.
“..deliver for [insert your name but pronounced super wrong]? Did I say that correctly?” He looked around. Nobody had shown up. “Oh, c’mon!” He whined and stomped on the ground. He set down the package and left.
You caught him leaving.
this is really short.
Has someone lost a child?
“What do you mean by that?”
You're a small child
“In what world do I look like a child?”
You're tiny
“Are you okay? Do I need to get Apollo or one of his kids?”
Open Starter
Hermes, god of messengers, dashed to the foot of Camp Half-Blood, a safe campsite for demigods, children of the Olympians, to live. He had a package underneath his armpit. He took a look at a note he left himself on the package to see who it was for.
“..deliver for [insert your name but pronounced super wrong]? Did I say that correctly?” He looked around. Nobody had shown up. “Oh, c’mon!” He whined and stomped on the ground. He set down the package and left.
You caught him leaving.
this is really short.
Has someone lost a child?
“What do you mean by that?”
You're a small child
“In what world do I look like a child?”
Open Starter
Hermes, god of messengers, dashed to the foot of Camp Half-Blood, a safe campsite for demigods, children of the Olympians, to live. He had a package underneath his armpit. He took a look at a note he left himself on the package to see who it was for.
“..deliver for [insert your name but pronounced super wrong]? Did I say that correctly?” He looked around. Nobody had shown up. “Oh, c’mon!” He whined and stomped on the ground. He set down the package and left.
You caught him leaving.
this is really short.
Has someone lost a child?
“What do you mean by that?”
Another dad... hello!
- @littlest-sunbeam-of-hermes
Hello???
Why are there two of you?
You don’t need to know, frankly because I don’t know myself.
