like we're really not gonna address the fact that he died of a "self inflicted head wound" literal hours after Boeings lawyers asked him to stay an extra day. We're not gonna speak on the fact that he told his family "if I die, it wasn't suicide " before he went to go testify. None of it huh
Thoughts on Supernatural and impressions highlighted by the Misha Collins Q&A
[This post contains spoilers for Supernatural episode 15x20 Carry On. It is also not a positive take on the situation. It is simply my interpretation and opinion. If you would rather not see negativity about Supernatural, I recommend not reading]
Waking up at 8:30am on a Sunday, which is not a thing I normally do, but this Sunday was a special occasion. The day previous, a friend of mine mentioned they had purchased a ticket to a Misha Collins Q&A panel. I purchased my own ticket on impulse, which is something I normally do. If only a month ago you told me I would pay money to watch Misha Collins speak, I wouldnât disbelieve you, but Iâd be very curious of the course of events that would lead me there.
I began watching the CW hit show Supernatural sometime in 2015 in a Netflix binge of the first ten seasons. I liked it in the beginning and developed more and more ambivalent feelings by the time season ten ended. A key moment in my growing distaste is when a lesbian character, Charlie, finding happiness and living in Oz with her girlfriend, the infamous Dorothy, only to be brought back and killed. Once I started season 11 watching week by week as it aired, I would describe myself as hate-watching.
I say this as a disclaimer as my falling out of love with this show certainly colors my opinions. Of course, I wouldnât hold those opinions if I felt the show had cared about its characters and storylines as time went on. Women, LGBTQ+ characters, and minorities were often killed off never to return, while the straight, white males kept being brought back. Character development suffered for giving them the same tension to rehash over and over again. (They donât communicate, one of them is possessed, one of them dies and the other saves them even though they should leave resurrection alone.) Plot suffered for having to find a new and more intriguing and difficult enemy each season. (After season 11 resolving the situation with Godâs sister by means of, what ultimately amounted to, family therapy I just couldnât care anymore.)
Then, on November 5th 2020, something interesting happened. A friend told me that Destiel was canon. I was skeptical. Thereâd been over a decade of the show and writers dangling a romance between Dean and the angel Castiel. Iâd seen the way they laughed at fans who brought it up, or made them cry at conventions when trying to talk about it. I figured it had to be something completely out of context.
What I saw was a bit of a monstrosity: Cas told Dean he loves him in a moment of sacrifice. It seemed to me like one last bit of bait before killing off yet another queer character on the show. Tumblr and Twitter exploded with commentary and memes and I have never felt more alive.
Speculation on if Castiel would be saved from the Empty (where all angels and demons go where they die, but is infinitely more fun to call âturbohellâ) lingered for two weeks when in the finale it was confirmed that Cas was probably taken out of the empty by his adopted son, Jack the biological son of Lucifer and a human woman, who is now God. (I did a lot of reading on the wiki to get myself caught up on the plot. Itâs still bonkers.)
As far as the fate of our other main characters, Dean dies pretty early on in the episode getting impaled by some exposed rebar and refuses to let his brother call for medical attention and so he dies. Itâs supposed to be an emotional heroâs death but feels more like wasted potential for a character who never truly got to live. Sam then moves on and has a son (who he named Dean which we know because Dean is embroidered on the kidâs overalls). The montage continues until he grows old and dies and meets Dean in Heaven.Â
By the way, Heaven is better now, having been improved by Jack and Cas (offscreen, mentioned offhandedly).
Thus brings us to the Q&A panel with Misha Collins on November 22nd. COVID-19 shook up the production schedule and forced the team to change up their planned ending. Perhaps, in his panel, Misha would shed some light on this change. He did confirm that the original ending was different, but also said he couldnât talk about what the original ending was supposed to be. He did quip âWell, what are they going to do? Fire me?â What he did say is that Cas had not gone to rebuild Heaven originally. From other comments by both Misha and Jared Padalecki, they report that the original finale had a large group of old fan favorites gathered together.
Coronavirus seems a poor excuse given that the closing shot of the show featured a large group of people on a bridge with no masks or social distancing, but whether that excuse is the whole truth remains up to speculation.
This panel wasnât only about the finale, however, and itâs understandable that Misha is not at liberty to reveal certain information or even that he has all of it. This was an end of an era and a chance to ask Misha a plethora of questions. This was a chance to ask the hard-hitting questions. They came in rapid fire, so fast that Misha had to screenshot - camera capture sound on his computer on full volume - just to read them. He told us he likes to bake pie and that his favorite is strawberry rhubarb. He told us his favorite âdad joke.â (Itâs about a snail and itâs a classic).
On a more serious note, he spoke of what Castiel meant to him. He worries that now the show is over the fandom will die out and fall into obscurity. Misha spoke about how much of himself and his personality he put into the character and how much of the character he carries with him. He liked playing Cas possessed by Lucifer and a human Cas, but wouldnât trade anything for regular Castiel, an angel who ultimately gave a declaration of love to a human man. When prompted he said he thinks Cas has rainbow wings.
This series âradically changed the course of [his] life.â Behind the scenes with Jared and Jensen was filled with laughs. Conventions were incredibly fun - especially those in Rome, he noted. He stole some of the trench coats from wardrobe. Over 12 years the pranks and laughter and almost dying in a plane crash was an experience that changed him.
Ultimately, the elephant in the room had to be addressed. He expressed that he understands the âKill Your Gaysâ trope is harmful, however he said thatâs not what happened with Castiel. His defense is that Cas isnât dead if heâs helping Jack rebuild Heaven. Additionally, his sacrifice allowed Dean (and Sam) to save the world. Finally, he says that it was Castielâs choice to make the declaration. He said heâs âglad Castiel got to express thatâ and proud of the show for doing it.
This rings disingenuous given that Misha acknowledges it falls into a âKill Your Gaysâ moment in a separate meeting. (x) [it should be noted that the video was originally posted on Twitter but has since been deleted] Whether Cas is resurrected or not, it does not erase the fact that this character declared his love and was immediately killed for it. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth and only brings up their disregard for their gay characters getting to be happy and alive.Â
I wanted to write something a little happier. I wanted to write a cute little write-up of âlook how fun this panel is. Misha misses seeing fans in person.â Instead, Iâm just reminded of all the ways the show has let fans down. The constant misunderstanding of what is good storytelling and belittling of the people who helped support the show for 15 years. Other information has come out since Mishaâs panel that brings only more speculation of this disrespect, not only of fans, but of cast members as well.
Maybe I should have just slept in.
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Bill and Ted: Face the Music, the long-awaited sequel to Bill and Tedâs Excellent Adventure and Bill and Tedâs Bogus Journey, was recently released on streaming platforms. Itâs easy to scoff at this release as yet another film in the slog of remakes and reboots and sequels. However, Face the Music touches upon the core message of the original films, as well as bringing that message so sorely needed today. But I might be getting ahead of myself here. Letâs travel back in time a little bit.
Iâll get it out of the way that I was not alive in the 80s. The movies made in that decade were ones that I sought out on my own when I was going through a phase in my early teenage years. Many movies from that time formed how I viewed the world and what I enjoy from a story-telling perspective. Bill and Tedâs Excellent Adventure was one such film that resonated with me in a most excellent way, dudes.
Having pulled the double feature from the discount movie bin, a 14-year-old me was ready to dive into these movies held up as classics. The story revolves around Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted âTheodoreâ Logan (played by Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves, respectively) two slacker teens who dream of becoming famous with their band Wyld Stallyns. However they must pass their history presentation or Ted is getting sent to military school, breaking up the band. Itâs a most heinous prospect to the two friends and also to Rufus (played by the late George Carlin) a man from a utopian future that exists because of the music of Wyld Stallyns. Through plenty of time travel shenanigans (including Napoleon running rampant at Waterloo waterpark) they eventually succeed and the band can stick together, uniting the world in a most melodious peace.
From the moment I heard Abraham Lincoln say, âBe excellent to each other, and party on, dudes,â I knew my life had changed for the better. Excellent Adventure was a delightfully wacky adventure about dreaming big and believing in yourself, and Bogus Journey delved into deeper themes of growth and letting go of the fears that stop you from achieving those dreams.Â
In the sequel, Bill and Ted are a little older and getting engaged to fellow band members and bodacious medieval princesses they rescued in the previous movie. Theyâve got to win the Battle of the Bands but, of course, their plans are interrupted. A terrorist and former gym teacher who thinks that a society built on love of music is stupid, sends evil robot replicas to kill Bill and Ted and ruin their lives. After traveling through both Heaven and Hell, beating Death in several games like Battleship and Twister, the two make it back to the world of the living. With the help of a Martian named Station, they defeat the evil robots, the terrorists, and their competition in the Battle of the Bands.
Theyâre silly on the surface, but hit right to the heart of the matter, and Face the Music takes it even further. What do you do when youâre middle-aged, washed-up and still havenât fulfilled the world-saving destiny that was thrust upon you in your youth? What do you do when you find out you only have 75 minutes to fulfill that destiny or reality itself unravels? What do you do when you find out your wives want to divorce you because all you do is make bad decisions? Well, you time travel some more, of course.This time Bill and Ted are joined by their kids, Wilhelmina âBillieâ Logan and Thea âTheadoraâ Preston (played by Brigette Lundy-Paine and Samara Weaving). The younger Preston-Logan combo decide to help their dads out with their own time travel shenanigans.
It's the unbridled optimism of the 1980s but with the sensibilities of letting go of ego to put trust in the next generation while also respecting the roots of where we come from. Inspiration comes from many places and Face the Music takes care to show that. Jimi Hendrix playing electric guitar to an increasingly frustrated Mozart, then in turn seeing Mozart absolutely delighted to share the flute with Ling Lun touches deep into the core of what it means to be human, even back to the days of cavemen beating drums. We also get Kid Cudi explaining quantum theory.
Music can bring us together, and if we listen and put together the things we like, we can save the world. I wonât spoil the ending of Face the Music, but we see everyone touched by music even when it seems things are most dire. Hope is never lost. Itâs not a barrage of celebs singing Imagine; it's a true human connection.
The Bill and Ted trilogy is all about hope and love and what we can achieve if we believe in ourselves and others. And maybe have the help of time travel. With everything happening right now in what has been dubbed âthese trying timesâ all we can really do is be excellent to each other. And party on dudes.
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I am reading Midnight Sun and I will be reviewing it in full, but my initial thoughts is that itâs definitely a Twilight novel. If you hate Twilight, you wonât like Midnight Sun. Iâm enjoying Edwardâs inner monologue. Heâs pretentious af but in a fun way.
while Iâm at it, I do want to mention that Iâll be making a donation to the Quileute Nation. Not only did Stephenie Meyer misrepresent them, but she continues to ignore the criticisms. The Quileute Nation offers a free pdf of some of their stories that they pass down. If you have the chance, check it out along with other resources on their site like their history, tourist etiquette that should be followed, and language-learning guides.
They offer those things to the public but make note that their spiritual practices and burial grounds are sacred and not shared. Engage with what you can to learn about this culture, but stay respectful
and despite Twilightâs impact on the views of their nation, they do keep some good humor about it
I am reading Midnight Sun and I will be reviewing it in full, but my initial thoughts is that itâs definitely a Twilight novel. If you hate Twilight, you wonât like Midnight Sun. Iâm enjoying Edwardâs inner monologue. Heâs pretentious af but in a fun way.
[I received a free ARC in exchange for an honest review.]
Unearthed is a post-apocalyptic novel by Marc Mulero that looks to focus on a group of people called Sins rising up against an oppressive structure. It leads into some interesting revelations that give more weight to why theyâre fighting and their personal struggles.
The protagonist, Blague, is the leader of the Sins. His leadership qualities appear to be that he served in special forces, but that heâs also contemplative, making him uniquely qualified to be a leader. In short, weâre told he is a leader simply because he has leadership qualities. He also starts giving grand speeches early on in the novel as a source of inspiration and rallying the troops. Unfortunately, the only substantial thing Iâve learned about him at that point is that he owns a Desert Eagle.
Thatâs the problem with a lot of the book in general. The exposition is sloppy, and descriptions of characters are poorly introduced and often donât fit in with the tone of the scene. A woman is described as âmysteriousâ before immediately being revealed to be someone the other character knows well and definitely recognized by her distinctive raspy voice. Another characterâs mohawk hairstyle is described in the middle of an explosion (and then is described as âmohawkedâ throughout. Donât worry, author. I havenât forgotten his mohawk). Nothing really feels cohesive.
While reading, I started to worry that I had gotten an earlier draft of the book by mistake and not the one ready for publishing. There is compelling world building and most of the characters, despite awkward introductions, are interesting and enjoyable. (The exception is Blague, who just never grabbed me as being an interesting person). The writing style is stilted and the action awkwardly paced.Â
I enjoyed the structure of the world. I always like a good band of outcasts rallying against tyranny. Learning about the Sin marks was fascinating. The relationships between characters and revelations of certain characters were gripping and added to the tension in the book. (Looking at you, Mulderan). I donât want to get into spoilers, but there are some great things happening within discussing geology, politics, and DNA science that all interweaves in a compelling way. I just wish it didnât feel a little bit like a slog to get through.
Overall, good potential but a bit lost in the execution.
I am writing this still from a very raw place so if you could excuse any incoherency. My thoughts are a Jeremy Bearimy of emotions.
The blending of humor and philosophy has been a fun concept for me for a while. If youâve read any of the Pop Culture and Philosophy series youâve gotten a sense for what I expect out of the concept. The Good Place takes these concepts and frames them around both the successes and failings of humanity and does it in a thoughtful and incredibly humorous way.
At the core of the show is humanity and hope. Despite even our most selfish, harmful acts we can grow and change and be better. Weâre given the structural foundations for what philosophers like Socrates, Aristotle, and especially Kant had to say about ethics, but weâre never left to sit with the cold academics of it all. Even Chidiâs study of ethics comes from a place of compassion. He says that  âWe choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.â That, I believe is the crux of the philosophy of The Good Place. Through our bonds with others, we are good.
In the finale we see this echoed with Mindy St. Clair. Eleanor tells her that she is what would happen had she not formed meaningful bonds with other people. âCocaine and self-pleasureâ would be her entire existence. And Mindy was scared of putting herself out there, but willing to try, willing to go for it with the support of the people she had met and started to care about. And thatâs what itâs really all about. If we care about others, and form bonds with them, that is a good life. We can life life alone, and be selfish and have an okay existence. A medium existence. But The Good Place is love and people.
Another thing that makes the show successful is that it was thought out with a clear beginning, middle and end. We could talk about how some reveals were âpredictableâ or whatever, but that wasnât the point. Even if you guessed what would happen, there was still meaning. The show told the story how it wanted to tell it. Some shows go on too long and lose focus because theyâve gone on past their plan, or the network pressures them to stretch out the story.
What we got was a story that cared about its characters and its heart and gave it a satisfying ending for everyone. The character arcs made sense and were believable. Even though itâs hard to say goodbye, much like Eleanor with Chidi, itâs the right time to let go.Â
All in all, I think this will be one of the shows that sticks with me for a long time, and Iâm so grateful to everyone involved for bringing a little bit of the Good Place here on Earth.
The book series that got me back into reading again
I used to devour books. Not a day would go by where I wasnât reading something even, and especially, to the detriment of my sleeping schedule. I always had a book with me. (Bless Miss Ross in Algebra 2 for never once reprimanding me for reading in class instead of listening to the lesson)
Then.... events happened. The internet makes it so easy for me to be distracted by mindlessly scrolling and looking at funny pictures of cats. I also had depression and didnât do anything I enjoyed. I worked weird/long hours and was too tired to focus on anything. Eventually, I fell out of the habit of reading all the time. Books didnât really grab me as much.Â
Yet I still kept buying books and trying, because my love never truly faded. I just couldnât get invested in most stories, and so unread masses were left to collect dust on my bookshelf. It was a tragic sight to behold.
But a couple years ago while once again wandering the bookshelves at a local bookstore, one in particular caught my eye. A Murder of Mages by Marshall Ryan Maresca. The title piqued my interest, as is usually the start. The summary: even better.Â
Satrine Rainey is a wife and mother of two who fakes her way into the Maradaine Constabulary as an Inspector (a staunchly male career, but an ex-spy raised by the harsh streets knows how to work the system). Minox Welling is an Uncircled mage (but thatâs not something we talk about in polite company). Jinx, as the other Inspectors call him. Too smart, too obsessive for his own good. Why not throw the outcasts together to try and solve ritual murders of Circled mages?
A blend of crime drama, fantasy, and political intrigue, I was hooked from page one. I read an entire book in a matter of a couple days instead of struggling for weeks to get through one chapter. Satrine and Minox wormed their way into my heart and, more importantly, my brain. I needed to know more. About the characters. About Maradaine. About everything.Â
And wasnât I just lucky enough that the sequel was right there waiting for me and my ability to click 1-day shipping on Amazon?
An Import of Intrigue continued to enthrall, this time delving into the wider cultures of Maradaine and its surrounding countries. Diplomacy and foreign relations are at stake when a foreign dignitary is murdered. Satrine has been exposed as a fraud, though with the success of the last case, she gets to stay on as an Inspector. Minox is confronting more what it means to be Uncircled and his powers may be getting too much for him to handle.
While Maradaine itself has a sort of fantasy England feel to it, none of the cultures feels like a direct counterpart to any real place. Whether they be Racquin, Fuergan, or Kieran, each culture is inspired by real places and cultures, but is entirely unique to this world. Marescaâs world building is such an incredible thing. Nothing feels like itâs been left out and Iâd completely trust the author to teach a detailed history class on how Maradaine came to be, and leading up to where we are now in the story. A class I would thoroughly enjoy, much like the protagonist, Dayne, from Marescaâs Maradaine Elite series.
Yes. There are several connected series all taking place in Maradaine, and while focusing on the specific protagonists, do intertwine with each other at times. Minox meeting the mage college student/vigilante Veranix from the Maradaine series was a subtle yet impactful moment. I had originally just planned to only read the Maradaine Constabulary series. I didnât want to go too crazy thinking I could actually read books again like I had before. So I didnât seek out his other work at first, obstinately avoiding them.
I started in on a different book series by a different author and found that I could read that one just as well. (Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard. This time a YA novel. Still fantasy. Still full of that sweet, sweet political angst that I love) I managed to read a couple other books. Different authors. Different genres. Fiction and nonfiction. I felt like myself again. I was actually reading again. Didnât matter if it was physical or e-reader. I was there.
Iâve since delved into all the other Maradaine novels. (Iâm working my way through Way of the Shield before I start in on A Parliament of Bodies) There is so much life and love put into all of his works and it shows. Itâs apparent that Maresca cares deeply about what heâs saying about people in his novels and the kinds of representation he puts in his novels. Minox and Veranix are mixed race. Satrine and Kaiana (a close friend to Veranix) have their own agency and are often more competent than their male counterparts.
Which is another thing Iâd like to briefly touch upon. The women in all of the books are so varied in terms of personality and goals, and itâs so refreshing to see so many well-rounded female characters when so often there are only three different two-dimensional archetypes to choose from. Even those that have smaller roles shine through, and Marescaâs use of POV characters works instead of feeling like Iâm being jerked around from character to character.
Thereâs a lot I could say about the individual books, and I barely touched on the other series, but I highly suggest any and all of them to put on your reading list. You wonât be disapointed. And maybe, like me, youâll be reminded why you love reading so much.
