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@theincidentally-blog
The Perils of Perils
The Perils of Perils
My girlfriend’s father is a reliably cautious man. He frets when his grandchildren swing too high, walk around barefoot in the sandboxes or when they sit too close to the television. He is always the first to arrive at an airport for his flight (bar one or two flight desk attendants). He was trained as pharmacist, and he cannot comprehend why anyone would ever want to put themselves into a…
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AFL Gives the Deaf Community a Sign They Can Understand
"Next they'll be asking us for Tasmanian subtitles!" #afl #deaf #auslan #satire #sport
The Australian Football League has refused a request from deaf football fans, to show sign language during part of the AFL Grand Final. The request was made that Auslan (Australian sign language) could accompany the National Anthem, so that deaf viewers could participate more fully in the pre-game preamble. The AFL, however – who have, for many years, stood in rigid opposition to the deaf…
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Miami Police Trial a "More Friendly" Leg-Shot Approach to Law Enforcement
Officers: Kinsey had dark and guilty-looking skin pigmentation #charleskinsey #policeshootings
North Miami  –  Police in Miami have rolled out this week with an updated approach to law enforcement that aims at shooting citizens in their legs, rather than their heads. The first volunteer/victim for this trial was a therapist named Charles Kinsey who was – according to reports – helping an autistic patient smuggle weapons into a school zone, by way of some incredibly supportive underpants.…
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Electronic Arts makes a Promise it can Keep
EA Games promises more mandatory electives than you can shake a stick at. #gaming #technology
Photo Credit: imgur.com/bLcNUe2 Redwood City  –  EA Games, an absolute monster in the world of video game development – known as such for both it’s size and it’s propensity for gobbling up anything smaller than a stray Ubisoft or BioWare, chewing it up and spitting out something that resembles a good game in much the same way a big turd resembles that pizza you ate last night – has announced they…
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Baby: "it feels like I'm floating around with a great big rubber vagina strapped to my neck." Perth  -  The city of Subiaco in Perth will soon be bolstering its reputation for sensible and balanced living, with the opening of Australia's first and only exclusive day spa for babies aged from 2 days to 6 months.
Chickens Arrested for Refusing Transitionary Explanations
Chickens Arrested for Refusing Transitionary Explanations #chickentweet #austin #satire #texas
Austin –  Two Chickens have been violently arrested in Texas last week after they allegedly refused to give police a valid explanation as to why they were crossing the road. The Chickens – who had only come so far as to consider what they were doing, not why they were doing it – were approached by several police officers shortly after leaving the sidewalk. When the poultry was unable to give a…
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Satiricist Runs Out of Ideas #satire #writing #incidentally Chinhoyi, Zimbabwe  –  An online satiricist has declared that she no longer has things she wants to write about.
AUSSIE PATRIOT, MISTAKEN FOR ISLAMIC TERRORIST.
AUSSIE PATRIOT, MISTAKEN FOR ISLAMICÂ TERRORIST.
Celebrity Aussie extremist Shermon Burgess, has had to re-think the marketing strategy for his anti Islamic, right-wing book club, Reclaim Australia, after the Australian Federal Police (AFP) mistakenly added him to their terrorist watch-list. (more…)
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Health Experts say: Politicians give you Cancer
Health Experts say: Politicians give you Cancer #health #auspol #satire #breaking
World Health Organisation: “Presenting Politicians in “Plain Packaging” could help to diminish impulse listening at the checkout.” Geneva  – The recent World Health Organisation (WHO) ruling that outlined the carcinogenic effects of red meat, has been amended to include political advice as another leading cause of cancer, when consumed in large quantities by humans. In a statement released on…
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SETI Makes Contact with Intelligently Reluctant Life
SETI Makes Contact with Intelligently Reluctant Life #SETI #Science #JerseyShore #Satire
Mountain View  –  Leaked documents from the SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) Institute have revealed that scientists have recently made contact with intelligent life from beyond our solar system, but that the Aliens have requested “more thinking time” before they’re ready to officially open communications with people from planet earth. (more…)
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Barnaby Joyce Eats Giant Salad Sandwich
Barnaby Joyce Eats Giant Salad Sandwich #auspol #health #satire #BarnabyJoyce
Canberra  –  Following a contemptuous dismissal last week of a World Health Organisation (WHO) ruling that bacon, ham and sausages rank alongside tobacco as a major cause of cancer, Barnaby Joyce has been caught snacking on a giant salad sandwich for lunch rather than his usual: bacon, ham and sausage, tightly sandwiched between two freshly baked slices of steak. The sandwich has been labeled by…
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NASA Confirms there will be TV on Mars
NASA Confirms there will be TV on Mars #NASA #Mars #TV #Satire
Houston  –  In an announcement released by NASA on Monday, the celebrity space agency and textbook definition of the term “lack of funding” has promised that astronauts heading for Mars in 2030 will each be accompanied by their very own flat screen HD colour TV. The announcement comes in response to an official query from the Association of Space Explorers (ASE), titled “Houston, We Have a…
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Humpback Whales: a Musical Comeback
Humpback Whales: a Musical Comeback #HumpbackComeback #satire #music #art #culture #nature
PodTune: “Getting a Humpback Whale into a recording studio was practically impossible. They always turn up soaking wet and they don’t fit through standard doorways. We learnt early on that if this was going to work, we would need to bring the studio to them.” Ocean  –  After a long hiatus from world music charts and sustainable species lists, a pod of Humpback Whales have made a “big splash” into…
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Author Caught Plagiarising Every Book Ever Written. Ever.
Author Caught Plagiarising Every Book Ever Written. Ever. #libraryofbabel #culture #satire
Brooklyn  –  The price of class-action lawyers has spiked this week as evidence emerged that popular author and “Man of the Book” Jonathan Basile has shamelessly plagiarised every piece of text ever written. Ever. His collection is currently displayed at the libraryofbabel.info where he has brazenly left it out in the open for the whole world to see. A group of outraged scholarly individuals have…
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Man Eats Fly
Man Eats Fly #australia #satire #bugs #insects
*Dramatic reenactment* Yanchep  –  An innocent fly paid a high price for not looking where he was going Sunday when he accidentally flew into a man’s mouth and was eaten. Witnesses at the Yanchep National Park say they had seen a fly wandering around aimlessly earlier in the day, but could not confirm if it was the same fly that was swallowed. (more…)
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Whale Message Entirely Lost on Mankind #satire #culture #nature Sydney  -  Marine biologists in New South Wales have revealed that humans have largely failed to recognise a series of messages and life lessons being conveyed to us by humpback whales.
John Simpson's new job: Volunteer Battery Hen
John Simpson's new job: Volunteer Battery Hen #chickentweet #rspca #auspol
After a few weeks of training, John Simpson is shrinking down to a more appropriate size for being a full-time chicken. Perth  –  In an effort to restore consumer faith in the caged-egg industry, popular egg-eater and President of the Commercial Egg Producers Association, John Simpson, has volunteered to spend the next eighteen months living the life of a battery hen. The proposed stunt follows…
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