❄ although one is full inside of the inside of the outside・one is on the outside of one’s own inside・and by getting inside the outside one remains empty because while one is on the inside ❄
this is a "secret vent blog" primarily but there are less unstable postings from me discussing my experiences, sometimes. i also reblog things that comfort me or are related to my brain issues in some manner
there is mature content on this blog and guro. curate your own experience, my tag system is under the cut and you can go and block what you want. there is a list that kind of functions like a dni/byf too.
I have polyfragmented DID and childhood-onset schizophrenia. I call myself a schizodissociative to indicate that they are the same unit of disorder.
Discussing and coping/having an outlet for this is primarily what the blog is for.
All of my mental issues stem from that one (two) thing(s). e.g., I have a disordered personality, but my personality development was impacted by schizophrenia, so I cannot "have a PD" in the same way I would if it wasn't. in practice, this means PDs are useful frameworks to address my trauma adaptations, but the frameworks are heavily altered to suit the way my symptoms present, and I may flux between different ones depending on which one helps most. I am most consistently borderline and narcissistic, but I may occasionally use schizoid frameworks.
I have an undiagnosed physical illness as well. It's suspected to be an autoimmune or connective tissue disorder right now, and I'm expecting a diagnosis like lupus (sle) or mixed connective tissue disease in the near future.
❄ even the inside of the outside is outside and inside oneself there is still nothing・there has never been anything else and there never will be ❄
there may be untagged unreality and untagged hebephrenic spirals, i try to tag them, but sometimes they are not because i cannot tell. i appreciate if you link me a post and ask for tw tags to be added to it.
i do not partake in syscourse or care to discuss or learn about non-CDDs because that is the framework i use to understand myself, i only care if you are spreading misinformation about what we currently understand to fit into the framework of CDDs
i may discuss very 'taboo' sexual experiencing, 'paraphilia' is not a real diagnostic category and exists purely to oppress the queer and sexually traumatized while giving acting predators the insanity plea, the distress i have is due to my other distresses. this applies especially to 'paraphilia', but in general, if you believe mental illness to be ontologically real instead of theories about clusters of observed traits which are constantly being re-defined, get off my blog. leave your username at the door so i can block you, too
if you are a minor: understand that my relationship to my sexuality is not healthy, and you should not model yours after mine. you will be horny and you will want to interact with sexual content and i cannot control what you do with your internet access, but i encourage you to learn about youth liberation, transfeminism, and RACK, safe-sane-consensual, and trauma-informed kink practices. porn can be harmful only if others use it to harm you.
i will not respond to your ask if it is off anon or you indicate your identity in any way, that is the only rule of my askbox.
❄ my tags system:
#df: dolls, figures, #jk: jirai kei, #of: other fashion
#xx: guro, #ox: various objectums, #sx: ""palatable"" sexual expression (boobies tag)
#ct: dissociative & personality disordered & other trauma posts
#hb: hebephrenic post markers - usually i go back and add these after a fit has ended. this is to mark that my speech was highly disorganized at the time of writing.
#un: unreality post marker - same as above, to go back and add after a fit ends, to mark the post as being highly psychoticized and/or dissociative.
#asks: this one doesnt need a fancy little two letter funny i dont think. asks i get on this blog. htats all
i also use regular tumblr community tags when i want a post to be seen, on those posts I use trigger warning tags following the format "tw [trigger]." feel free to send an ask if anu post needs to be trigger warning tagged. sometimes i don't feel like something can be adequately summarized into a set of tags or that i don't know what to tag it as, so i just put it under a readmore and describe in more length the triggering nature at the top
based on the schizoid subtypes, which are you most like?
the subtypes fascinate me so much. sorry if they are actually innacurate/unscientific or something, they seem pretty realistic to me, however strictly binary it is but thats just how humans tend to classify... everything. regardless i think its pretty fun to see what fits most to you, like our version of a personality test?
yoy all just hate me because I'm cold and distant and don't put effort into any relationships and off putting and frustrating to try to help or make plans with and I don't text and I don't call and I don't like doing much and I constantly make excuses for it all
I LOVE ART BY SCHIZOPHRENIC PEOPLE!!! if you are a schizophrenic creative please never stop making art!!! express yourself forever, even if it's weird or eccentric or something people wouldn't understand it or it's not even good, you should make it. & you should share it if you feel so inclined. PLEASE!!!!!
write that poem or that short story or that book, make that move or short film or tv show, finish that painting or drawing or digital art piece or sculpture, compose that song or album or symphony, program that video game or neat little website, design that cool outfit or knit/crochet/sew those clothes i'm so serious!!!
the world needs more art always, especially now, & your art holds so much value regardless of how niche or "insignificant" it is. your view of the world deserves to exist & you are allowed to share it, no matter what people tell you, you deserve to take up space & express even the stranger parts of who you are because it is part of who you are!!! please make schizophrenic art forever
Basically all of the pictures I took of my 1/12 dolls are in more "wild" areas of the gardens, since I think the lil guys fit in better there xD it's for sure true with my bugs, that stump was a perfect place for them to rest:)
