I’m not going home....not really.
As I sat in the car on the way home from Pittburgh last night it finally hit me. It hit me that I’m not just home for a little vacation for a week, I’m home for an extended period of time. I’m about to be living at home for the longest time I have since I was in high school, and I’m not thrilled about it. No, it’s not the worst thing to ever happen, but it’s also not the best, but enough on that, let’s move on to the good stuff.
About 11 months ago I received the best news I’d heard in a while, that I’d be returning to Walt Disney World for my second College Program. I screamed, I cried, I danced around my room screaming and crying. I was happy, I was going home. A few months later I was all packed, I was moving to Florida and I was never returning home. I thought I had the role I’d dreamed of, childrens activites, that didn’t work out. I was going to work tons of etra hours, make extra money, and save up, but the first 5 weeks of my program made sure that didn’t work out either. Someone was going to teach me how to drive, I was gonna save for my first “big girl” apartment, I was going to be an “adult.” That didn’t work out the way I planned either. Things don’t always work out, but that’s not the end of the world, life goes on, you create your own opportunities. So with my head held high I packed my things, and I came back home to Pennsylvania.
The past 8 months, I worked hard, but I played harder. I didn’t make many friends, but then again I never have, and the ones I did make were more important. Typhoon Lagoon drove me crazy, stressed me out, but ultimately, on my days of I looked forward to going back to playing in the water on the mountain. My best friend came to Florida, we got three whole months together before I had to go away again. I gained a new best friend, someone I didn’t realize I’d been missing out on being friends with for so long just because we lived in other states, and I can’t believe I had to say goodbye to her too. Saying goodbye is never easy, but when it’s more of a see you later, it’s almost bearable.
My first DCP was all about happiness, love, and loving life. Going to Disney was my dream, working there was my dream come true. I was stressed, but through it all I was the happiest I’d been in my life, i found my friends, I found, my home, I found my future. But, one thing was missing, something I didn’t realize was missing until I’d found it too, and it took quite a ways into my second program for me to find it- I found myself. Until now, I didn’t realize I’d been living my life for other people-dressing the way they wanted me to, acting how they though fit, doing my make up to please others, hanging out with people in a fit of anxiety because it was what they wanted, over the past few months that all changed. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but I stopped caring what other people thought of me. I wore red lipstick to hang out in the park alone because I liked how it looked on me, and if no one else liked it-who cares. I wear crop tops, not because they’re trendy, but because I think they’re cute. I sat alone and read a book on my day off despite people begging me to hang out, or telling me I was a loner-because it was what I wanted to do. I started doing things for me for the first time in my life, and I’m so happy, and it shows.
I’ve come home to a world of new opportunities, a job interview in two days, rekindling old friendships, finding new connections. A world of love, opportunity and life lie ahead of me in the next year. And I can’t wait.
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