āYou actually enjoy studying, donāt you?ā
This comment by my friend made my mind twirl a bit.
My immediate answer always feel like :Ā āNo!Ā Of course I dont LIKE studying.Ā Itās an obligation.āĀ
I feel like thereās almost a taboo to enjoy studying.
But when I actually take a moment to reflect.
I realize... I do actually like studying.
Not necessarily the moments before exams.Ā Not the cramming.Ā Not the few hours of sleep it gives me.Ā Thatās not the moments I enjoy it most, Iāll admit.
But I do enjoy it for these reasons.
It has always been my escape.Ā My meditation, sort of speak.
From when I was young, I could give it my undivided attention.Ā No stress or anxiety of the outer world could bother me, because I was focused on the task at hand.
It gave me excuses while growing up for why I didnāt participate in some activities.Ā Ā āSorry, I need to studyā was always there for me when I needed it.Ā
It let me be by myself.Ā Ā
Headphones on.Ā World out.Ā Ā
Dancing to good music while reciting texts.Ā Ā
Excuses to go to cute coffee shops.Ā
It let me give all my focus towards something rewarding.
It cured my boredom (ironic, I know).Ā
And I see these things more clearly now that Iām at the end of my university (10 years later, you know...)Ā
Because when I feel bored, have nothing else to do...Ā I tell myselfĀ āmaybe I should studyā.
And I do.Ā And I get lost in the mix of it.Ā
Itās been such a crucial part in my life.Ā
And I will say it proudly now.Ā
It gives me joy, in some weird way.
And that, I will definitely embrace.Ā