The Math Poet

Poetry written by a math major... Recent graduate, young adult life, and daily poems

[godtoawomanslove]

god, i just want a happy ending

for them

for us

for me

i just want to see them happy

alive and happy forevermore

i want to see us satisfied

unbelievably joyous and satisfied

i just want to know

that i’m allowed to have a happy ending

that i’m allowed to fall in love

and struggle

but come out the other side okay

i just want a history

one i don’t need to search for

one unerased

displayed proudly

i want a culture not rooted in hiding

a celebration not rooted in mourning

an identity

that when i think of the past

of the present

of the future

i am proud

happy

and hopeful

~ but i am proud nonetheless

[themathpoet]

Why do I cringe

When you make my cheeks flush

Am I that insecure

That I can’t be loved.

[themathpoet]

Love again...

Can you feel butterflies

Even when you thought

The last one had flown away.

Can your cheeks still flush

Even after all the cold tears

Have rolled down your face.

Can your heart still skip a beat

Even if it’s been broken

Into a thousand shards.

Can you learn to love again

Even when you thought

Love was a dangerous game.

[themathpoet]

Still Alone

Every day I stay single

The more I don’t understand love,

Marriage, relationships

How does it happen

Why do we do it?

Does it even make you happy?

I see couples

And I feel confused,

angry, uncomfortable

Is it jealousy

Or nativity.

This strange feeling eating me away.

I want to believe

In the joy,

The magic, the love

But logic tells me

that’s not how it works

Love only leads to pain

And disappointment

Maybe this is why

I’m still alone.

[themathpoet]

Quarantine Fling

I didn’t sign up to be your quarantine fling.

But now I’m crying on a zoom call

Trying to hide the pain

Seven months in

Now you ain’t got any time.

Why am I stuck explaining

Where we went wrong.

[themathpoet]

Grieving You

I don’t know how to grieve

It never seems to come

I nod and say I’m fine

there’s no tears in my eyes

Then it’s years and hours later

Everyone else has moved on

A dream of you floats into view

A memory of happiness

Of inside jokes and laughter

Stories of our youth and grandure.

All that joy

Now stuck in my past

Never to be again

The tears drip down my face

Finally realizing the truth

Cause the memory of you

Is what makes me cry.

[themathpoet]

And I don’t let them see

The tears I’m hiding underneath

That I’m pouring into my poetry.

[she-wears-glasses]

Have you ever had to experience a

war within yourself?

Where it’s your mind verses

your heart

and all you want to do is call a truce;

but both of them want

a victory.

The problem comes up where they ask to

make a choice and

you can’t; because

following your mind limits you

but following your heart

breaks you.

[myinfjworld]

On the verge of a Door Slam...

I have had it up to here

I’m tired of all your bs

I’ve tried to mend these wounds

But they’re only growing deeper

My heart wants to keep trying

But my soul is quietly weeping

And I know I’m on the brink

Of not being able to say goodbye

And never seeing you again

So don’t be surprised

When the door slams

And I’m no longer there.

[themathpoet]

Move On

My brain gave up a long time ago

Knowing full well this was hopeless

He will never come around

Yet my heart still whispers

Maybe this time is different

What if we just wait a little longer

And so I listen

So I wait and I wait

But as I wait

my soul grows weary

It can’t go on like this forever

Eventually it waves a white flag

So I move on

With a clear mind

A heavy heart

And a broken soul....

[themathpoet]

Left on Read

5 months in

And just like that

You are gone

No words

To explain

Just your ghost

With one word

Read.

[qvotable]

“Technically, he wasn’t an ex-boyfriend, but he was an ex-something. An ex-maybe. An ex-almost.”

— Unknown

[themathpoet]

Slow Burn

I’m a slow burn

Kind of girl

I don’t jump

Straight in

I lie in wait

As the ashes fall around me

And the flames gleam before me

Drawing me closer

The warmth in circles me

I hardly notice the increasing heat

Or my skin as it starts to sizzle

The smell of burning wood

Comforting my soul

So I don’t see

the waving red flags

I lose myself to the fire.

[qvotable]

“Two souls don’t find each other by simple accident.”

— Jorge Luis Borges

[heartofmuse]

The death of love

Love in its natural state is eternal but not immortal. Love can die if it is killed. And there are so many ways to kill it. For something so strong it can also be very fragile. We know a thousand ways to kill it, whether slow or fast. We strangle it with chains and drown it with resentment. It freezes with indifference and with long silences. It is poisoned with lies and selfishness. It starves when it lacks hugs, sweet words and caresses. It is beaten to death with irresponsibility, disrespect and cruelty. The sad truth is that we are born trained assassins. Some of us fight against the darkness that is lurking within us, looking for an opportunity to go out and find someone to sink its teeth into. Learning to love is something that no one taught us, although it is something that every human being longs to have, but in order to have, one must learn to give. But we only learn only if we want, only if we open our eyes and are willing to see what we recognize as examples and follow them and the truth is that in this world there are no longer as many as there once were. We lose the notion of what it is, we complicate it so much with our expectations, with our chaotic and tangled thoughts. I wish we could always be like children at least in this, that we could love innocently. Someone , after breaking my heart, called me a naive girl but you know it didn’t hurt because I refuse to let go of that part of me. That part that still wants to believe in love, that wants to give the whole heart, just because it can, just because it still has faith.

[themathpoet]

Mask

Everyday I try

Try to be a little more me

To let people see

The girl I bury underneath

Cause I’m starting to realize

That my happiest memories

Are where I am no one

No one but me.

[themathpoet]

Echoing Storm

The words come back

Like an echoing storm

“I’m just not happy”

I have heard those words before

And I fear that more will form

The words of weakness

That pushed me away

“It’s not you, it’s me”

I have felt this guilt before

And I fear the end is near

The words were said kindly

But cut like a blade

“I don’t want to hurt you”

I have heard these lies before

And I know the heartbreak that follows