Fire, Storm and Silence

Socially selective extrovert

[themesideofme]

Life.

They say life is an amalgamation of ups and downs, backs and forths, ins and outs. It is everything and anything but a predictable journey. It is full of unknows and what ifs and while you may plan all you want, you can never ever be sure even of the next milisecond because one step and life may take a drastic turn, one phone call and you can surge all the way up or one notification and you can be buried.

Life is anything but a straight predictable road, yet how is it that every once in a while the mist clears, the clouds part, the endless canopy ends. How is it that there are moments where right there in the midst of the clearing in a long dark forest is the moon, bright in all it’s glory. Right there appearing out of the blue, watching you. How is it that just for a miniscule of a second, just at the very moment where you are at the verge of giving up, ready to drop your weapons, ready to give in to your adversities, the heavens realign. Where just for a moment everything is crystal clear, where the path all of a sudden is a straight line, where the light at the end of the tunnel is suddenly shining bright, blinding you, reviving you, revitalising you. Recalibrating you, showing you that there is an end to your adversities, that the darkness can and will end, making you realise that the path, the one filled with treachery and darkness is what you need to be worthy of the light. That miniscule of a moment making you experience an infinity, filling you up, imbibing into your soul, dispelling some of your darkness, allowing you to continue your journey in hopes of reaching the end soon enough with the newfound surety in your heart that it is and will be there waiting for you to claim.

Hoping to catch another glimpse of it every now and then along the path, a taste of heaven keeping you going on for more, until the little atoms of light that you catch along the way gradually replace all the darkness inside you, until all there left is the light. Making you realise that the journey never really was about persevering through the darkness to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, but rather about persevering through your own darkness and finding your light which is when the tunnel automatically ends and you emerge, transformed into that incandescent version of yourself worthy enough of being the light at the end of a tunnel, illuminating everything around you, not unlike the moon, basking in your glory while guiding countless others to it along the way!

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

The same sun will shine but not everyone will shine the same.

Keep walking, keep trying, not stopping, not toppling. Every step counts, every day counts, every effort counts because it’s the small things that add up and make something great, it’s the small droplets that make the ocean, the small sand grains that make the hill, the small bricks that make the wall. Each part counts and when you look back suddenly everything will have been worth it, every step will have taken you higher, every extra effort, every day of perseverance, every day of going on even when you were this close to quitting will have mattered, having pushed you to heights you never thought you could reach, setting you apart, setting you on your own path, a path leading to greatness, a path leading to glory.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

Maybe everyday isn’t supposed to be extraordinary, maybe everyday isn’t supposed to be legendary, maybe everyday isn’t supposed to be phenomenal, maybe everyday is just supposed to be bearable, bearable enough for you to keep going, keep looking forward, moving one step at a time, not stopping, not looking back, just moving so that you can stumble into moments where for just one second everything is just too beautiful, where for just one second everything is surreal, where all of a sudden the world is a prettier place, a cool breeze is blowing, caressing you, your hair swaying in it, your pulse picking up, where all of a sudden there’s a mist of happiness encircling you, the right song playing in your ears, the feeling of contentment swirling in your heart and in that moment you realise that moving forward was worth it, that that moment right there is enough to keep you going, moving forward in hope of stumbling into more of these, stumbling into them when you are least expecting it, stumbling into them when you are at the brink of losing hope, stumbling into them just to be rescued by them so that you can keep moving, collecting them, cataloguing them, reminiscing them.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

And some places are meant only to be experienced for the briefest of times, places that show you what is out there, what you can get, what you must aspire to get. Places that you are not meant to stay in forever but places that forever stay in you, little accents in an otherwise minimalistic setting, that hint of wildness amidst the order, a dash of life within life, an escape in the middle of the long straight road, a lie within the truth. Places you never stay in forever, yet stay with forever. Places that you only visit once, but go to infinitely. Places you never become a part of, yet places that become a part of you.

The part you can’t part with, the part that glows through you, gives you that spark, that silver lining. The part that eventhough miniscule, embellishes you and every so often shines through you, a little too brightly setting you ablaze, setting you free.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

Not everything can be fixed and not everyone can fix everything that can’t not be fixed.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

When the good is so good that the bad is never bad enough. That the brain can always conjure up just the right explanation, the right excuse, the right lie to ignore it, to defend it, to ratoinalise it, to make you put yourself through hell just because the transient taste of heaven keeps fueling your fire, keeps you coming back for more. Because the light outside bewitches you, sways you into the tunnel, keeps you walking, going deeper into it, seeking the light at the end oblivious to the fact that the light outside has already blinded you, in more ways than one and that the end is practically non-existent, plunging you in the darkness forever, alone with your thoughts wondering whether the taste of heaven was even worth an eternity of hell.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

It’s not about finding perfection, rather it’s about finding the perfect imperfection, the perfect amount of skew that aligns exactly with your own and together gives a picture of perfection that no amount of perfection could have perfected.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

And when the right comes along, suddenly you’ll realise you weren’t wrong to not like the wrong nor was it wrong to want the right things the wrong could never provide despite how much you convinced yourself you were wrong to want, right?

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

Because at times what lies straight ahead gets lost in plain sight and all you need is a little mist to demystify it, give it a new perspective and make it a tad unclear to see it more clearly.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

Alas I realised, I really was a lone wolf, cursed to roam the treacherous forests alone, desolate, devoid of the safety and comfort of a pack, forced to face all adversities alone, forced to fight for myself and find my own way, forced to survive on my own, for my own sake. Forced to grapple with the unknown on my own, forced to find my own path amidst the shroud of uncertainty, but ever so often the mist clears and my eyes meet yet another set as bright as mine, the lone moon, hanging amidst gazillions of stars forming billions of galaxies,yet all alone, not unlike myself, illuminating the entire sky, with it’s head held high, and from it I draw strength, and continue on my path, still all alone, yet not?

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

Till how long can I lie to myself about having it better in the future when I’ve already lived through a part of the future that I had assured myself would be perfect and let me tell you it was a far cry from that.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

And at the end, it was literature that helped me save myself from drowning in my sorrows by drenching the pages in inkdrops instead. Every word representing a tear, every comma a pause, every period a desperate attempt to stop and move on. Every line, a talisman, capturing the sorrow, setting me free.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

That kinda feeling when you suddenly realise you are amidst an infinite moment, a moment you know is being etched upon your soul just as it is happening, the surreality of it hitting you like a whirlwind, the intensity multiplying, the ardency increasing, forcing you to stop, forcing you to look at it with a renewed awakening, forcing you to memorise it, immortalise it, enshrine it, because you know you will be remembering it and there you are trying to embibe more of it because suddenly in that moment you are in the moment but not the same way anymore, floating above yourself, feeling yourself feeling it, feeling yourself feeling content, feeling yourself missing feeling it, dancing in it, draping yourself in it, because you know that the moment might end but the memory you just made never will and will stay with you forever.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

And at the end you were a cliché, just not the one I wanted you to be.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

Those kind of times when things are just too good to be true and you know that things that good rarely happen to you and the fact that they are happening only means that it’s an illusion, that it’s a façade, that it’s a mirage, that it’s a trap, but still you can’t help but believe it despite plain sense, against all rational thought because you’ve wanted it for far too long and now that you think you can have it you just can’t let go, because you want it to exist and it does, just not in the real world but here right inside your head and the more you believe, the more you accept it, the more strength it gets over you, luring you, sucking you in ,trapping you, till you loose all contact with reality and get consumed by it. And before you know it, you’re stuck, and no matter how much you want to, you just can’t find your way out and end up spiralling all the way in, without a chance of saving yourself, without a chance of escaping, losing yourself, forever.

~TheMeSideOfMe

[themesideofme]

[themesideofme]

That kinda situation where your heart is ready to explode open, your tears ready to burst out, your brain ready to breakdown but despite it all, you’ve got to hit pause. Hold it all in because the time isn’t right, because the place isn’t right, the occasion isn’t right and you have no choice but to keep it all in and try to look normal, which sadly, you succeed at and people around you fail to notice the storm brewing inside of you, all the while you are hanging by a thread, close to snapping and barely ghosting through the day. And somehow you beat the odds and are finally at your safe place, ready to let it all out, but now, it’s gone. The entirety of the outburst has diffused into every cell of your body, every fibre of your being, every inch of your soul and has lost itself in you, become a part of you, become something that can no longer be let out independent of you and you have no control over it and no option but to carry it around with you. Trapped with it, trapped in it. Forever.

~TheMeSideOfMe