REAL GODS REQUIRE BLOOD

“Aren’t you afraid of playing God, lad?” [The Archangel] Michael grinned with unashamed cheerfulness. “I am God. You are God. And any bastard I kill is God, too. Jubal, it is said God notes each sparrow that falls, and He does. But [what you fail to realize] is that God cannot help but notice the sparrow because the Sparrow is God. Just like the cat stalking the sparrow is God, too, for all things are God carrying out His thoughts.” - Robert Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land 18+, NSFW, Welcome to the #gayangel center (Header: Abyss, Icon: thrashthinkkcoven )

[themichiferqueen]

Your #1 Weekly Updating Biblical Erotica

"Boy, that's really gay." - Somebody recently "I don't know what the fuck I'm reading but it's fun." Somebody else, also recently

Artist: @liusia-piu

18+ Only, Bots and Profiles with No Age get #blocked

“All gods who receive homage are cruel. All gods dispense suffering without reason. Otherwise they would not be worshipped. Through indiscriminate suffering men know fear and fear is the most divine emotion. . .[only] half gods are worshipped in wine and flowers. Real gods require blood.” - Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

Hellooooo and WELCOME TO THE END OF THE WORLD!

I will be your host, an amateur queer theologian with a simple mission: a multi-universal Bible project that will be so absurd and satirical it just might get you to believe in God again.

Imagine a world of attractive, Castlevania and Captain Laserhawk type characters who are all plotting against God, with the humor and multiverse shennanigans of Rick and Morty slapped right in.

And in this multiverse, God wants all the best gamblers, sinners, heretics, blasphemers in the world to come take Him down but nobody's worthy just yet . . .or are they? Our two favorite angels, Micahel and Lucifer, will beg to differ: with the power of their love, their hivemind, and literally God knows what else, they're going to pull a stunt even the Bible couldn't write about: Become God themselves.

Anyway, if you're in the mood to commit some heresy yourself against that Big Guy, read on to find out more:

How to Read This Nonsense

The best way to read the work is to treat it like a massive multiverse joke that wants to punch you in the chest. If you aren't sure where or how to start, here's a chronological guide into the madness HERE.

I mean it, though. Whatever anime or television series or book you think of that reminds you of this, yes. Whatever interesting historical or theological proposal about an angel or a human is out there, yes. In fact, the longer you watch it all unfold, whether I write something 'original' or a fanfic based on other fandoms, you'll start to see the same thing over and over again.

Great! I want you to see the same thing over and over again. There's nothing wrong with recycling things we enjoy, but context is key. The myths we've inherited have a time and a place. We have a time and a place. So, with all the fucked up shit going on, let's go on a ride and ask some questions about God across the multiverse, shall we?

The Story So Far (Book I):

Intro: Revenge of Michael and Lucifer Prime, the Storytellers Of God's Rib, a Greco-Roman Angelic Erotica (A03 | Wattpad) UPDATED 12/10/2024

★

The Story So Far (Book II [ON HIATUS]):

Intro: Michael Pulls a Lucifer and Reveals He Was The Real StorytellerThe Epic of Michael, an Eastern Mediterranean-based Historical Fiction Thinkpiece (A03 | Wattpad) Updated 08/11/24

★

Tripping on Nonsense (A [Theoretical] Book III):

Book Introduction In The Beginning, it was God and Helel (Lucifer) . . | How God Summoned Mikha'el (Michael), the Prince of the Inferno The Deal is Struck! The Son of God Sells His Soul to the Son of the Devil Finally! Lucifer and Michael Meet after He is Pulled from the Fire (18+) Elohim Begins to Train His Real Inheritor to the Throne, Michael Lucifer and Michael Make a Pact After The Celestial Wars (18+) Ch. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

★

Fandom Inspired Work

✨NEW ✨ A Multi-Verse Project Between Lucifer and Michael (18+) Prelude to the Apocalypse, a Fanfiction for Taylor Caldwell (18+) The Silver Path to Redemption, a Hazbin Hotel AU (18+) Heat Through The Wire, A Hazbin Companion Piece (18+) ✨NEW On Earth, We Are Reunited, A Lucifer (TV) AU (18+)

★

Bonus/Additional content:

So You Enter a Gambling House to Play God, and . . . First Draft Previews ✨NEW ✨ The Rouges Gallery (Design Concepts)

How To Get in On The Project:

Website Archive of Our Own Instagram Bsky Wattpad Latest Youtube Video

[themichiferqueen]

PATCH NOTES 02/12/2025: The core concept of the project (Book II, the Epic) is on Hiatus. I'm scaling back to focus on a prelude + Book I at a more intentional pace while continuing my consistent updates with fanfiction across the board. It's been what fulfils me the most during a busy period and a tumultuous time in the U.S. so, much love for your patience, energy, and time. ♥

In the mean time, I've updated 3 of my most popular works at the moment (2 fanfiction + 1 original), my website, these links, and added a new visual. I continue to commission and work with artists who work by hand. If you ever have any questions or concerns, you know how to find me.

Warmly,

[nicosraf]

When youre so obsessed with these fictional gay guys that you can feel your brain decomposing and being torn apart by insects with every thought u have about them

[themichiferqueen]

Lucifer loves Michael the way somebody who wants to own 100% of something feels like they only own 99.9% and that just won’t cut it

[alexanderwales]

It's absolutely crazy that intellectual labor can wipe you out. It seems like it shouldn't be a thing, like your stores of brain juice shouldn't be able to be depleted in that way.

I feel like a wizard that's out of spell slots, and to me that's a hackish mechanical limitation put in place to try to balance the classes.

[forthesakeofthespirit]

a compilation of posts that contributed to my conversion

image descriptions in alt

[themichiferqueen]

Title: Doll Parts Fandom: Original Fandom, Christian Bible (Old Testament) Pairing(s): Lucifer Morningstar/Archangel Michael, Yahweh/Ba'al Hadad (Canaanite Religion) Rating: E (for unpacking bigotry and harsh topics of cruelty with heavy doses of affirming queerness Summary: (Explicit, Michael/Lucifer, AU). The year begins in 1948 in Los Angeles, California, where Chief Detective Louis Morningstar tries to catch his biggest fish yet, a Serial Killer by the name of "The Barbie Killer,' AKA Michael Hadad. Unfortunately for the detective, he ends up desiring the killer more than he desires to stay true to his pursuit of justice. Excerpt:

“She’s gonna figure it out eventually, Yam.”

He goes on to say, arching a brow. Yahweh huffs, gets walked backward into the massive round table poised next to their old display cabinet. Photos and trinkets adorned its shelves galore, the glass reflecting them in between the handles to open each section. “This Louis guy – he sounds all serious ‘bout Mikaeli. Means we have to induct him.”

Inevitably, Yahweh hums. Pushes himself to sit on said table, fingers digging into those muscled thighs beneath the robe. “But I’m not worried about him. I’ve been playing a little game with him, see. . .told him we were going to surprise our son and that he better help me facilitate it. Was a real good sport about it – I’ll be disappointed if he hasn’t at least tried to do some research about us in return on top of it!”

Ba’al guffaws, rolls his eyes. “Not everything is about you, ‘ya spoiled brat.”

Yahweh says nothing now, just grins. Ba’al rolls his eyes, shakes his head, begins to undo the belt keeping those slacks up. Underneath are the shapely legs he remembered seeing peek out from his dress all that time ago, thirty years of holy matrimony. Moving up, he sees that the blonde had a nice set of pantyhouse and what looked like the bottom half of his lacy top, which tells him it was a bodysuit. At this, he just cracks his crooked grin right back. 

“Well?”

The Don murmurs, moves an elegant, slender hand along Ba’al’s jawline and lifts his eyes to meet those dazzling emeralds. “If not everything is about me, get off of me then. Otherwise, stop running that yapper of yours and gimme some sugar already. I’m not paying any more money if we miss this flight!”

(There is a long pause here. Takes a little longer to ‘get it up’ since Ba’al was seventy now, but he’d been doing it for so long with Yahweh, it was no more difficult than breathing. Natural, the way two bodies move together. Pressed kisses along the don’s neck, whispers of affection. Yona katna, Ba’al rasps after yanking a sharp gasp out of Yahweh upon penetration. Yona katna, yona katna– )

[stoptheearthletmeoff]

"oh you think john the beloved was queer?" i think the entire message of the bible is a queer one

[themichiferqueen]

Plotting which fic I’m going to make Michael swallow Lucifer’s spit before he gets railed senseless

[noicouldnevergiveyoupeace]

do yall ever wonder what you’re best known for in the fandom ?

[wizard-enthusiast]

Saint Michael and the Fascist // inspired by Raphael’s “Saint Michael Vanquishing Satan”

We needdddd a transgender spear of divine justice as of late yall

[themichiferqueen]

I need a Lucifer Vertigo fic where Lucifer warns Michael to stop meeting him like this or else one day Lucifer will kill him and Michael just shrugs before they violently make out again

[catherinesting012]

🚶

[tpwrtrmnky]

girls with adhd playing long rpgs like "i am overwhelmed by the state of the save file i left off with last time my attention arbitrarily fell onto this game. time to start from scratch."

[tpwrtrmnky]

"yeah i fucking love this game. i've bought it on console and pc, and then the remaster too. i have no idea how it ends, i only get 40% of the way through the main story each time"

[shopwitchvamp]

It's always either this OR the rare glorious occasion where I blow through the game in like 2-3 days without coming up for air even once

[catherinesting012]

I often think a lot about the hypotheticals of placing Lucifer and Michael in different cultural contexts ...... The kernel of each national culture is different, and how these two culturally-influenced characters from a long line of sources would have a new understanding of the same thing.

[ilonano]

crazy that you can make an oc with Issues and not even realize until months later that those are actually Your Issues

[elexecution]

imagining them jerking off together and i can withstand anything

[edwordsmyth]

"Friends outside of Minnesota please read. I'm sharing a post written by a personal friend and medical doctor: Friends outside MN, you need to know what is happening here. Everyone knows that ICE shot and killed a woman here on Wednesday. But that’s not the only thing that’s going on:

ICE agents are cruising areas with immigrant-owned businesses, and kidnapping patrons and employees alike. Yesterday they abducted two US citizen employees at a suburban Target, one who was begging them to allow him to go get his passport to show them.

ICE is going door to door in immigrant-heavy neighborhoods, asking residents where their immigrant neighbors live. Read that again. If it sounds like something out of your high school history textbook, that’s because it is.

ICE is targeting schools and school buses. They pepper sprayed teenagers and abducted two school staff members at the high school up the street from me on Wednesday. Police are literally escorting school buses to ensure children can get to school and home safely. The Minneapolis Public Schools have moved to virtual learning for the next 4 weeks because it’s unsafe for children or teachers to physically come to school.

They are targeting hospitals and clinics. Patients are scared and are cancelling their appointments or just not showing up. Kids are missing their checkups and vaccines, folks aren’t getting their cancer care, etc.

They are smashing windows in cars and homes.

ICE is increasingly picking up Native Americans—again, targeting folks based on skin color alone.

They are arresting and beating legal observers. A friend of a friend had her arm broken yesterday. Folks are showing up at local hospitals, brought in in ICE custody, with severe injuries that are absolutely inconsistent with mechanism of injury reported by ICE. (Think: patient appears to have been beaten unconscious, while ICE agent says he slipped and fell.) I can’t emphasize enough that these ICE agents do not have warrants. There are 2,000+ agents here and they are simply hunting for anyone that’s not white. It doesn’t matter if you’re a citizen or a green card holder, they will kidnap you first and ask questions later. But the community is fighting back.

Protests are happening every day.

Community groups have been leading know-your-rights sessions for months, often to packed venues.

Whistles are being distributed by the thousands, carried on keychains and worn on coat zippers, always at the ready to be blown in warning if ICE is spotted.

Drivers are following ICE vehicles, blaring their horns in warning.

Businesses are locking their doors even while open to keep employees and customers safe. As I type this, I’m standing guard at the locked door of our neighborhood burrito joint while I wait for my takeout order, so the employees can focus on their jobs. The place is packed with neighbors supporting this small business.

Anti-ICE signs are posted everywhere. The community is making it crystal clear that ICE is not welcome here.

Parents and neighbors are standing guard outside schools, organizing carpools, and escorting kids to and from school on foot.

Parents of kids in Spanish-immersion daycare (there are a LOT of these daycares here!) are keeping their kids home so the teachers don’t have to take the risk of coming to work.

Churches and community groups are holding fundraisers to buy and deliver groceries to families who don’t feel safe leaving home.

Mutual aid money is going out to folks who can’t make rent because they can’t work or because a breadwinner was abducted, or who need a warm place to stay after their home’s windows were smashed. THAT is what is happening here. This fight is ongoing and it’s horrifying to watch. But we are not backing down. To my friends in other cities and states, don’t think for a minute that this won’t happen in your town. It will. Be ready. Learn from us, as we have learned from Portland and Chicago and New York. Fight back. Don’t let us get to the last line of Martin Niemoller’s poem.” -Grant Boulanger