So let me add the European view here - as someone who is actually half-European, half-American.
I have an Americanised German surname. My surname is pretty much only found in America due to a few historical quirks. It's pretty cool, tbh.
Now in Europe, we would say that my US family is 'American, with German heritage'. We say this about ourselves, too -- because given we're all close neighbours & the borders have shifted over time, how many of us do you think are pure anything? My Italian friend has a German surname because his father is German, but he's not German, he's Italian, because he *acts* Italian. It's not exactly an ethnicity, because the lines are so blurred - if you want ethnicities you need to go further back, to the Celts, Gauls, Phoenicians etc.
So when we say 'but you're not German' it's because we recognise that the USA has a very distinct culture that is purely American. This "when American culture is treated as a rip-off of every other culture" view? Yeah, that's not us. That's your own image issues. Anyone who says America doesn't have its own culture is nuts (or American, funnily enough).
American culture is in the way you take cookies round to greet new neighbours, it's in the pride you take in your homes, in the way you engage in small talk, in the way you're so bloody touchy-feely and genuine about it ("I'm so thankful for..." "I really appreciate" "I feel so"). It's in the way you greet immigrants, tourists and strangers -- and as someone who's taken quite a few foreigners to visit in the Deep South, the way you greet foreigners is incredibly welcoming. Culture is in the way you relate to each other and frankly, the way Americans do their best to wear kindness on their sleeves is something to be proud of.
Hell, even if you use that narrow definition of culture as being 'the arts' -- the arts in the states is fluorishing!! Broadway, Hollywood, music, fashion, art -- the US is a cultural powerhouse in the snooty definition, too.
Sure, America has its problems - though sometimes I think that the internet amplifies them, simply because there's so many Americans. Europeans love to laugh at Americans for being a tad dumb, but frankly we're shit at American geography so it's glass houses, really (also have you heard what we say about each other? It's all meant in jest).
So I suppose, when we say "But you're not German!" We're really saying two things: (1) we know German people & they act *nothing* like you, culturally you're American through & through & (2) being American is something to be proud of; why aren't you proud of your culture?
(Having said all that, it sounds like your family is much more culturally German than mine and most Europeans would be (a) surprised & somewhat confused to hear that such communities exist in the US and (b) would probably label that as 'American-German' because it's its own unique thing (modern Europeai German culture has moved on & changed from the culture preserved by the community). Which, fun linguistic fact: did you know the insular American immigrant communities have become the last refuges of some dying European languages?)
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