As I am a week away from turning thirty, I feel overwhelmed with fear and excitement. Turning into a new age, is like a new era. This will be a new beginning for my book of life. I will officially close my 20’s chapter and open my new chapter of new paths. New beginnings, new surprises, and new accomplishments in the making.
As a child, you never realize how time can pass you by. We feel a day is eternity but as we become older, we start realizing how time is precious. Here is a great example:
I had my oldest son when I was 19 years old. Yes, I was very young, very afraid, and very alone. To have my family by my side was important to me and I appreciated everything my parents did for me. But not having a companion by your side, going through something that is completely new to you, is very hurtful and scary. However, I managed to raise a wonderful baby boy.
Sebastian has seen my struggles in life, things perhaps a child should have not seen. He seen my tears, he’s heard my arguments, he’s seen it all. And still, no matter what, he always had a smile on his face.
Sebastian traveled a lot with me. We went to Lake Geneva,
Sebastian went to his first Bears game with my fiance and I.
We went on a skiing resort at Devil’s Head, Wisconsin.
We also went to Disneyland twice. Once when he was 2 and the other time he was 6. He also been too Vegas.
Lucky kid right? Overall, the past 10 years, I tried to make his life a happy one. And that’s including Elijah. Elijah is off to a whole other journey.
Before I had Elijah, Sebastian was all I had. He motivated me everyday to get up, go to work, and go to school. I would take morning classes, work, and then go to night classes. I worked very hard because I seen what was in front of me.
When Sebastian was first born, my father asked me, “Think 10 years from now, you will have a 10 year old son and you will be 30 years old. What do you think about that?” I looked at my new born son and said, “I simply cannot think into the future and imagine him 10. I want to imagine what he is now because I am not going to have this forever.” Sure enough, I didn’t.
Watching Sebastian grow up, made me start realizing that I am growing up too. I am changing into many different people, still trying to find myself, still trying to find the meaning of life and knowing time is catching up. The hardest realization, is knowing you are becoming older because you see it in your children. Being young and having the ability to grow up with my kids have been a major experience and the best times of my life. I had my social life here and there but my priority and still to this day are my children.
Today, I had an epiphany. My son started talking to me, telling me about a girl he likes and how he talked to her. He started talking, and I went into a complete flashback from when he was this balled headed baby, learning how to walk, talk, run, kick, throw, and write. I came back to reality and I seen him, my 10 year old son. My son who no longer is bald, my son whom I can no longer carry or rock to sleep. My son that loved mommy but now likes girls. My son who was just all mine. I started to cry. He asked in concern, “What’s wrong mom?” I teared up, “You like a girl.” He said, “Yes, but why are you crying?” I explained, “You are becoming into a grown man, from seeing pictures of us when I was only 20 years old and to see us now where you are close to my height, your features are changing, you can tell you are older. It is the most mind boggling experience. You are no longer my baby, you don’t need me for anything anymore.” He speaks with a deep voice that only made it worse for me to stop crying, “Mom, I’m only 10 years old, you have like 8 more years to go. That’s a long time.”
I laughed and smiled at the same time because I realized how I felt as a child when it came to time and age. It felt forever to finally grow up. As soon as you are grown, the clock is ticking, and the question is, what is your next step? I told him, “You have no idea how fast time is. You been with me throughout my entire 20’s. You grew up with me Sebastian. You helped me grow up. You molded me into a woman and a mother I was suppose to be for you. I didn’t know what was up or down when you were born. I didn’t know where to begin but I did know I had to stand up to the challenge and give it my best shot. It was only you and I. No one else. We went everywhere together. I took you everywhere with me. There are many things I wish I could do over and take back but at this moment, what if I changed the past? Would you still be this brilliant, athletic, musical, artistic man? So I should cherish every moment I can with you because it won’t be long until you will not want me around and I will understand.”
To see the boy to the left and to see the boy to the right, made me realize time is of the essence. Enjoy every moment. Enjoy every kiss, every smile, and every hug. It goes by fast. Here’s to you Sebastian for putting up with your mommy for the past ten years! Thank you for growing up with me!
To Life and longevity…. As I am a week away from turning thirty, I feel overwhelmed with fear and excitement. Turning into a new age, is like a new era.
