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@thenaughtykitty86
Reblog if your profile pic is actually YOU .
one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have.
no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation.
no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying.
no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.
no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.
a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age.
Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse.
I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships.
The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.
“I’m a lot to handle but I’m a lot to lose…so jot that down.”
This used to be one of my favorite quotes and I realized, who wants to have someone who’s a lot to handle? Like don’t we all want peace? Don’t we all want someone with emotional intelligence, who yes, truly may have a lot of trauma or “baggage” but doesn’t let that affect the relationship? Who’s not immature, acts on impulse and actually cares about what they say and how they respond to you? I’m not saying we can become this perfect, amazing, robotically programmed human being, but we can be accountable and we can try. We can try to be the person we look for and want. It’s okay to tell yourself that “hey…maybe I need therapy. Maybe I need to chill out more. Maybe people don’t want to be with me bc I can’t control my mouth or respond in a loving way”. Cause let’s face it…there’s always someone with better. They may not be YOU cause nobody can be YOU- we are God’s perfect design, but there is someone who IS accountable, CAN control themselves, loves DEEPER.
So instead…I chose to tell myself “Even though I am a lot to handle and I’m a lot to lose, I’ll become better for myself and the next person…so jot that down!”
Facts
You deserve a love that never gives up. When you’re going through the motions and the misunderstandings and the miscommunications and the insecurities and the arguments, you deserve someone who’s patient, loving, soft, vulnerable, emotionally intelligent and wise; someone who may not even know these things but will be vulnerable and caring enough to learn, to not just push you away or end things based off of “what they deserve” but what YOU BOTH deserve which is to never leave, stay and make things work, talk things out and fix whatever problems may be affecting your relationship, turning them into solutions. You deserve to be heard, seen and appreciated, even if trauma or abuse has engulfed you- to work at a plan and come to terms and agreements of how to withstand things- to envelope you in the most trusting and caring way- to show up and handle things with you- not to just fight and give up and call one bad night or one bad week the end of something you both want and know would never compare to anything else. You deserve to be showered in kisses after disagreements and to be made breakfast and dinner even after fusses, to be held while you’re crying and to feel so expressive in your anger that you feel like even if that person can’t give you no solutions, they’re listening and learning and trying. You deserve to feel safe and not have 25,000 ft walls built up because you can’t say what you want or the egg shells have grown so much that you don’t feel the floor anymore. You deserve to feel comfortable in silences and even if there are bad times, you know they will pass cause the love is too rare and one of you will eventually give in; you deserve to feel genuineness and love and calmness and security knowing that even if you don’t agree or agree to disagree, there will be nothing that can shake you- just different opinions leading to an understanding. You deserve to laugh and understand that little arguments are a joke and be convinced that you will both get through this. You deserve all the good and bad parts of love- but to be focused on the greatness of the unity between you both. A love that always stays and constantly grows and will get through anything because you both believe you are everything.
“get results after reading this post” challenge
The challenge is very simple, you will read this post all the way to the end and follow the instructions and at the end you should have some visible results. The amount of results you get is up to you but I have energy charged the post and affirmations so even if you have a “shitty mindset” or “bad self concept” it will work either way.
instructions 🤍
You will read the affirmations as they are written, and where there’s a ☁️ cloud emoji like this one there will be instructions that you follow before or after affirming.
the challenge is starting now, good luck!
……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ………..
affirm: “I will now breathe out whatever does not align with my desired self”
☁️ breathe in, hold your breath and count backwards from 5 down to 0 and as you breathe out, imagine breathing out stress and limiting beliefs, you can repeat this step as many times as you want but min 3 times is preferred. when you feel ready, start reading the affirmations below either in your head or out loud.
affirm: “I just breathed out everything that did not align with my desired self, I banish it and cast it out of me forever”
……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ………..
affirm: “I will now bring new energies into my life and into my 4D, I will only bring what I deserve and desire”
☁️ Breathe in the air into your lungs, count from 10 down to 0 as you slowly let the air out and imagine filling yourself with new energies that are cleansing your 4D and bringing in what you deserve and desire.
affirm: “I just brought in new energies into my 4D and it is only positivity and my desired energies. My 3D already reflects these energies back at me in the most positive desired way. I feel completely different”
note: repeat this one 5 times ☁️🤍❄️
……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ………..
☁️ Hold your breath, don’t breathe until you have read the affirmations down below in your head. Be careful though and if this is too much, pause whenever you need to and continue reading. The idea is that you will be semi conscious when holding your breath too much and feel almost dizzy so the affirmations slip right into your mind.
affirm: “I get results no matter what my mindset is, no matter what my self concept is, no matter whatever else is happening I still get results because I said so”
……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ………..
“what kind of results can I expect”
That depends on you and the subconscious beliefs you hold but if you feel like you didn’t see or sense results instantly you may see them later during the day or have them and not be consciously aware of them.
“what should I do to get results”
Repeat the post, and between each rep read these affirmations (yes they are also energy charged).
“I am consciously aware of the results I have”
“I am not desperately looking for results that are already there”
“I do not feel nervous and anxious or hold the belief that I cannot get results or that I don’t have results I am a new me now and things are different for me”
“I have cut off the old story so I will not be repeating that bullshit ever again. I am my desired self end of story”
……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ……….. ………..
🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣
Facts
I deserve it all. The family. The loving husband. The beautiful house.The stable income.The sisterhood. The happiness. The love. The faith. The hope. The prayers to come alive. I deserve every ounce of goodness this world has to offer.
Just because you have amazing chemistry with someone or you have great mental connection, does not mean they make a good partner for you. Potential is just that, potential. You cannot date potential, you cannot plan a life with potential. You may see what they could be in 1 year, in 5 or 10 years of adamant discipline but that is not the current reality. You have to take people at face value, pay attention to their actions, pay attention to how they make you feel and if they can realistically make you happy. Not to how to impress them or get them on your side, because otherwise your dating life will consist of you jumping through hoops for every single person you encounter.
Y’all don’t get this though. Y’all wanna be hard & let your ego/pride be the reason why she will never submit to you.