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[thenisaidno]

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[perlukafarinn]

One of the rookies on the Centaurs asking the guys on the team for advice on this girl he's been trying to date. He can't tell if she likes him and is just nervous about taking it to the next level, or if she's trying to let him down easy and he hasn't been able to pick up on it.

He doesn't get much useful advice and soon the guys are arguing about how long you can pursue someone before it starts getting pathetic. Holmberg is at one end of the spectrum at two weeks ("We're rich professional athletes, man, we shouldn't have to try that hard.") and Wyatt Hayes is on the other at three months ("Maybe she likes you but just doesn't want the WAG lifestyle. You need to prove to her that you see her as a person with her own goals separate from yours.")

Then someone notices that Ilya, despite his wealth of experience, hasn't chimed in yet and asks, "What do you think, Cap?"

"Two years."

The entire room goes still.

"What?"

"Two years," Ilya repeats, completely unashamed. "Is not pathetic to go for what you want. Not if you think they're worth it."

In sync, every person in the room turns to look at Shane, who's pretending to fiddle with the laces on his skates, looking pink-faced and vaguely pleased.

Finally, Holmberg turns to the rookie. "Okay, I guess two years is fine if it's Shane Hollander. Is your girl Shane Hollander?"

The poor rookie has no response to that. His girl is, indeed, not literally Shane Hollander.

"Man, gay people move different," LaPointe mutters.

"This is not a gay thing," Troy objects. "This is a Rozanov and Hollander thing."

[justalittlechocolatemilkshake]

Troy being like - I locked down Harris in a matter of months. We are NOT the same.

[halfwayto-h3ll]

i love the hc of ilya losing his libido or getting erectile dystfunction while on medication, but i actually love the idea of him having an even higher libido or even becoming hypersexual on meds so much more

shane is just like "okay 🥰" as ilya is practically in a fucking rut. this gets even worse when they are finally together all the time. ilya is practically fucking him 24/7, no surface is spared. this is also how they end up in total free use. shane comes up with the idea in that beautiful brain of his and ilya fucks him into next week because his man is the most thoughtful and incredible person on the planet.

[ilyannarozanova]

Baby Ilya crashing out on the ice because his mom says it's time to go to bed (it is incredibly late even by adult standards) while on the other side of the world baby Shane is jumping on his parents' bed at 5am sharp demanding that they drive him to the rink the second it opens. Many such cases.

[evilbeehivedemocracy]

Shane and Ilya constantly kissing their baby because it's the only way they know how to let out their cuteness aggression towards her that isn't too much for a newborn and by the time she's about 9 months or so she starts "kissing" them but it's really just her trying to eat their faces and they think it's the funniest thing ever cause she's so extreme with it

[ilyarozanovsmediatrainer]

“Ilya you aren’t supposed to use q tips to clean your ears like that it’s not good for you”

“maybe is not good for you trust me for me is fine the way I do it is very special I have special q tips technique I am very gentle—“

[mutinsfromthemoon]

shane and ilya are featured in an nhl q&a compilation video with other great hockey players. the question was “who’s the player that makes you the happiest?” and shane answers without hesitation, expressionless “ilya rozanov”. then ilya’s cut comes next and he answers “there’s a player who isn’t as good me, but sometimes he makes me happy, not as much as i make others happy, but he tries. it’s zane boodram”.

[jellyfishforest135]

Activated them like sleeper agents

[adventures-in-instant-ramen]

[blumineck]

Be yourself as best you can whenever you can.

[mutinsfromthemoon]

one time in the locker room a rookie comes up to shane and ilya asking how they call each other, like “do you call him bro?” and shane and ilya both stop and look at each other and then break into a huge grin and say at the exact same time “BRO” and ilya goes “you’re more than my bro, you’re my homie” and shane’s like “broooo you can always count on me” and they dap each other up while the rest of the cens are laughing their heads off and the rookie is sitting there in his stall beet red from embarrassment.

[alex-victoires-version]

Something I wish more heated rivalry fans were aware of is pre season games. More importantly, that Ottawa and Montreal play each other for the pre season. Which means the first Ottawa vs Montreal game after Shane signs with the centaurs is a game that will have zero consequences and will not affect their playoff chances in the long run at all. Ilya Rozanov is spending that entire fucking game in the sin bin

[mutinsfromthemoon]

wyatt, bood, dykstra and troy leaving practice at the same time and walking past a room with the door slightly open and hearing shane moaning “oh god ilya this is so good” and all of them stop in their track, shocked “i can’t believe they’re doing it here” bood says “well if i worked with my wife everyday i would too” wyatt adds and dykstra says “well can we blame them? they’re both very handsome motherfuckers” and them the three men looks at troy who is silent and troy “i will not comment on that” and they laugh and resume walking away while bood asks “how many times did you and harris done something around here?” and troy says again “no comment”. ilya was actually just giving shane a massage cus one of the rookies accidentally checked him too hard and unfortunately shane is not 20 years old anymore

[cherryhatter-deactivated2015072]

KICK THE CAN!

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.

[visibun]

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

[drtanner]

And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!

[mutinsfromthemoon]

one of the videos on the ottawa centaurs account with the most views is the one where a handful of the guys are playing football and kicking the ball to each other. one of them kicks it too hard and has to go after it and he runs out of frame, but the video keeps rolling and catches ilya pulling shane in by his waist and kissing him while shane giggles. when the player comes back, ilya backs away from shane and they both just resume playing like it’s the most natural thing in the world. and the fans in the comments absolutely lost their minds going “oh yeah the PR relationship looking a little too real” “they’re in love your honor” “omg look at shane smiling” “they love each other so much is disgusting (affectionately)” “can we talk about how lapointe is so bad at kicking ball? thank goodness he’s a hockey player” “please some of us are single” “i bet ilya sent the ball away with his mind just to have a break to kiss shane” and ilya had liked that last one.

[ailuromantic-deactivated2022122]

nobody tears through library books quite as fast as a 12 yr old girl with no friends

[ailuromantic-deactivated2022122]

only ppl on this post who matter r the ppl who r saying "me except im not a girl anymore" & "me except i wasnt a girl yet"

[argillaforma]

one of their earliest hookups and ilya comes in like a minute and he's like fuck fuck fuck fuck my reputation as big bad russian stallion is ruined forever this is so bad hollander is never going to hook up with me again meanwhile shane is floating somewhere in space and he thinks it's the hottest thing in the world that he managed to make rozanov come in barely a minute

[toasted-rivalry]

Ilya and Shane, but it’s just them seeing each other as a version of their husband no one else understands them seeing.

To Ilya, Shane is the funniest, sexiest, bitchiest and downright FREAKIEST person he knows. He tells everyone he knows this, yet for some reason no one seems to believe him. His husband is such an asshole, and Ilya loves him for it.

While to Shane, Ilya is his soft and most precious baby. A heart of gold and with feelings so wide and deep he is breathless at just how much he CARES. Sunshine itself. Shane laughs at how people describe his ‘scary, no-smiling Slavic nightmare of a husband.’ See Ilya! He DOES get sarcasm (he does not.)