[browngal]

[aibidil]

One time I saw this New Yorker cartoon with a piece of penne pasta answering the phone and saying, “Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?” and now I cannot cook fusilli without thinking you crazy bastard

[aibidil]

[dreamameme]

[wellbutrinboy]

i love the sims but everything after creating them feels so empty… feel like a bored god who’s only hubris was thinking he could create something beautiful……

[seshrat]

[clownboybebop]

We Put Some Dill and a Little Lemon on That Bad Boy, What Happens Next Will Slap Your Balls Clear Into Next Tuesday

[shawsbear]

[fentyjenner-deactivated20160516]

[h0odrich]

she put her glasses on so she could read Kim properly

[betterthankanyebitch]

im kourtney

[blackberryshawty]

I’m Kourt but I’m also Kris and also Rob

[divascreech]

“I’m married for 72 days, really? that was normal” like how did Kris just murder her own daughter like that

[catchymemes]

[glumshoe]

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy.

I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.

[reblogging-dragon]

Showed my Geologist dad a picture of the obsidian knife you had and he nearly said this exact thing word for word. I can't believe my own father would fall prey to this. Clearly you know thine enemy

[glumshoe]

I work too closely with geologists not to have a contingency plan for eliminating them.

[jenamaroney]

[lambily-deactivated20200702]

[spectrometrie]

they’re talking to each other

[abbaswift]

you know who we need at the met gala? harper finkle

[twoofcups]

gordon ramsey: is the food good here?

underpaid server: 

[b0ggyb1tch]

[dadmech]

[twinky-dinky-doo]

[thegreenmeridian]

My favourite thing about that show is how he treats servers. It was also the source of some very intense fantasies when I was a barista of him busting into my cafe, calling my boss a fucking idiot, then taking me against the broken dishwasher.

[twoofcups]

[porterr-robinson]

[kitchenwitchupinthisbitch]

“What’s the watermelon fo- Oh!”

[base-and-superstructure]

my followers slappin me after i make another post on tunglr.com

[zinf-deactivated20190430]

[hieronymouscock]

ashansjsjsksj my friend said her uncle was a catholic priest until he fell in love with a jewish man and peaced out

[tchaikovskaya]

the most valid catholic to ever live tbh

[lesbian-pangoro]

[pissvortex]

wildest argument against climate change i’ve ever heard

[groovycolorknightlawyer]

Wаnnа liск Ashley pussy?

[pissvortex]

no thanks

[peniswakt-deactivated20210717]

outta my way gayboy i’m boutta get it

[peniswakt-deactivated20210717]

my identity has been stolen

[hydro-homies]

The image of this historical moment is haunting me

[testosterowned]

here’s how bernie can still win