cherry valley forever
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Claire Keane
bliss lane
#extradirty
Mike Driver
hello vonnie
d e v o n
titsay
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
Cosmic Funnies
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ojovivo
Product Placement
ellievsbear
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
if i look back, i am lost
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
seen from Vietnam
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@theonlysinglegirlintheworld
It's super sweet that this guy tried to make me feel better about being so old. I don't know, maybe I was too quick to judge. He was impressed by my saving and spending habits, after all, and there's nobody that can please a woman the way a 19-year-old virgin can. I guess I'm just feeling sensitive this week; the whole Brian Williams Nightly News scandal has me in a real tizzy.
I know it's hard out there for short guys. But I can't help but be honest about what I want--is it dumb that I still believe it's possible to find the man of my dreams? And I believe this lovely Aussie will find what he's looking for, in the end. If the online dating thing doesn't work out back home in the outback, he could always try the mini-bar scene.
I'd drop the mic but I don't want to hurt anybody!
No pressure!
This kid has clearly been reading some 50 Shades of Grey in his downtime, and I think that's great. Reading is for winners, although I myself prefer James Joyce's dirty love letters when I'm feeling frisky.
But as I always say, when engaging in BDSM with an internet stranger ten years your junior or just crossing a busy street, it's important to be 50 Shades of Safe! Don't be afraid to be honest and ask questions. He or she will love* you for the cut-up, diseased, third-party-owned carcass you are!
*Actual love probably not involved
Addendum: Goodnight, SkyPrince
The day after I wrote that "love is like SkyMall," SkyMall died. Make of that what you will. RIP, old friend. Maybe one day we'll meet again, when we're all just Zombies of Montclair Moors.
For the record, this is worse than the time I asked Sheldon, a Woodland Hills-based psychic in a green track suit, whether or not I would ever find true love again and he answered, with a shrug of his shoulders, "Eh...."
Love is like SkyMall. It's whimsical, it's universal. You do things you wouldn't normally do because you're lightheaded from the change in cabin air pressure and you come out on the other side of a crazy ride with a dog poop vacuum. Love is also like Hustler. You subscribe to it for the articles.
Oh hey girl! You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor slapped your parents! You're so ugly that you threw a boomerang and even that didn't come back! You're so ugly that I felt compelled to go out of my way to message you from across the country to tell you you're not the best looking person I've ever seen! So...when are we going to have sex? That's how negging works, right?
Well, it was worth a shot, I guess!
Ugh, I've been super sick lately which is why I haven't been posting! Even my love life has been on hold as I deal with my crap immune system. I know that the due dates for changing my Universal Health Care policy are coming up/have recently passed (?) (lol) (but really when are they?), so I've been searching for more information about my available options. Online dating makes it so easy to get the information I need! Can't wait for a happy and heathy new year!
Do not just look at your boyfriend as just a boyfriend. Look at him as a friend, too. --Vanessa Hudgens
Lets just agree to disagree, OK? I can tell he is the kind of guy who always feels like he has to win an argument/feels like his opinion is the right and only way, so lets be real: Im going to take a pass and sit at home and write Strunk and White fanfic tonight.
HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR
Sometimes, when you're meeting new people, it can be difficult to articulate what it is you're really looking for in a partner--especially if you're really looking for someone who can shut his darned piehole, lol.
Anyway, I was open and honest, and this guy seems down with my preferences. Maybe one day we can enact one of my ultimate fantasies, love in an airtight glass box! I mimed out my phone number for him by sending him a blank OKC message but I haven't heard back yet. :/
DATING IRL!
I'm so excited--I finally took the plunge and met someone from the internet IRL! I knew that this had to happen sometime (like, it's been so fun getting to know all these different guys from all over the world but usually you can't sustain a meaningful and committed relationship unless you meet up in person. Or, I guess, unless you are prison love writers, but I don't think I'd fare very well there for various reasons!).
My date and I agreed to meet for dinner by the big Christmas tree in that plaza in Little Tokyo (do they know it's Christmas in Japan?). In typical "me" fashion, I arrived six minutes early, so I sat down on some stairs to bide my time until sushi time.
Because this moment was so symbolic for me, I decided to commit as much as I could to memory and share it with everyone who is following my quest for love! I jotted everything down in dramatic form in case anyone wants to reenact my night with loved ones at home!
TOSGITW (me!), 29, sits on the stairs and looks down at her shoes and adjusts her sweater.
Little Drummer Guy, 30, approaches TOSGITW, stage left, parump pum pum pumming: I've been trying to get a drum thing going, but no one is here to join me.
TOSGITW: Yes, you appear to be a drum circle of one.
Enter Kevin Sorbo Lookalike, 34, on Razr Scootr*: Dude, nice drum. Are you wearing a satchel? I guess nobody's going to steal anything from you, but you look like a pussy.
TOSGITW: I like it. If someone wanted to steal from you they'd have to take it right out of your chest, like that guy from Temple of Doom that rips out people's hearts.
Kevin Sorbo, to TOSGITW: Are you 35?
TOSGITW: No. I'm 29.
Kevin Sorbo: I thought so. You look like you have a 30-year-old face. Whatever, I'm 34, it was a compliment. I think me and this other guy are both aiming for the same prize. I guarantee you you'll have a better time with me. You might as well take off, guy.
TOSGITW: I'm actually waiting for my date. He should be here any minute.
Exeunt Little Drummer Guy, not interested in serving as buffer between Sitting-Around-Girl and Hercules Circa 1994.
Kevin Sorbo: Tinder?
TOSGITW: OkCupid, actually! ROBOT DATING OF THE FUTURE!
Kevin Sorbo: OkCupid is pretty old school, actually. How long did you and this guy talk before he asked you out?
TOSGITW: A couple of weeks.
Kevin Sorbo: Jesus Christ! You've gotta be kidding me. This guy is RUINING it for guys like me.
TOSGITW: Well, he's been out of the country, so...yeah.
Kevin Sorbo: What's your name?
TOSGITW: REDACTED
Kevin Sorbo: Are you a dancer?
TOSGITW: No.
Kevin Sorbo: I just assumed with a name like that and legs like that that you were an exotic dancer. It's not an insult. I love strippers.
TOSGITW: Nope, not a stripper. Just a nerd.
Kevin Sorbo: Oh, of course you are, honey. Because it's super fashionable to be a nerd since you're 30 and your eggs are drying up and you're looking to lock down a man.
TOSGITW: I'm actually just a garden variety nerd.
Kevin Sorbo: You're too sexy to be a nerd. You're faking it so you can get married. Don't be ashamed of it. All the women are doing that now.
TOSGITW: You're right. All of my lifelong interests and accomplishments are part of a 29-year long-con. I'm a slave to my rotting eggs.
Kevin Sorbo: Give me your number.
TOSGITW: I don't feel, like, great about that, because I'm waiting for my date, who should be here any minute?
Kevin Sorbo: Just give it to me. Your phone is in your hand so I'll know if you give me a fake. What is it?
TOSGITW: REDACTED
Enter unsuspecting Date, 30, with a big smile and a hug for TOSGITW. TOSGITW bares teeth and raises eyebrows, an awkward attempt at a MAYDAY! expression.
Kevin Sorbo: THIS is the guy you're going out with? Poindexter? You've got to be kidding me. Now THAT'S a nerd.
Date: Actually, I used to be the high school quarterback.
Kevin Sorbo: I can't believe you texted her for weeks before getting together with her. You are RUINING it for guys like me.
Date: ...
Kevin Sorbo: You better lock it down with her, dude.
TOSGITW: Yeah, I have to get married, like, YESTERDAY, because I don't have any value as a single woman and I AM RUNNING OUT OF EGGS!
Date: I'm giving her bluterus right now.
TOSGITW: K, we're gonna eat so bye but thanks for your interest in me, it was really sweet!
Kevin Sorbo: Call me. You won't regret it, seriously.
FIN
*For those interested in dramatic reenactments, I would recommend playing some super-fast, 80s-style electric guitar riffs as Mr. Sorbo makes his entrance on the Razr.
Then, later, this happened!
I feel like this convo could go on forever, which is promising in a lot of ways--nice to find a guy where conversation is just EASY. But I'm a little concerned that our interests might not match up; he's into talking about my face, whether or not I can talk, real state, etc., whereas I'm more interested in the very serious topics of what's on the other side of the rainbow / promoting cultural understanding between different species (e.g. human / leprechaun). Not gonna write this one off yet, but I'm skeptical.
I think it's really romantic that this guy's first message to me on a dating website was about irreversibly soldering ourselves to each other for at LEAST the next two-plus decades! I was almost positive that my aforementioned sweet tooth only gave me cravings for ice cream and not, like, AYSO, but I was worried that maybe I was just being judgmental so I decided to take a closer look. Nope, no give-up-on-your-dreams-and-settle-down-with-a-stranger-from-the-internet-today! tooth that I can see. Maybe if I had one of those bendy dentist mirrors? I can, however, see that I could stand to floss more.
I'm not gonna lie--it's kind of hot to meet a gourmand kind of guy who likes to talk about cooking. My last BF used to cook for me all the time and I loved that, so I'm definitely looking for a guy who is willing to get his hands covered in sauce when the occasion calls for it. I prompted this guy to talk more about his cooking students and whether or not they wiggle, but he just kept skirting the question by asking me out. I always have to ask: are these guys just saying stuff they know I want to hear? Are they being truthful? #worthathink