Keeley frowned, concerned, when Théo nodded his head and then slowly began to shake it. She couldn’t tell if that was a confirmation or not, but when one of her Moreaus was feeling a little under the weather, their usual bright smiles nowhere to be seen, she almost always decided that their dad was responsible. She gently squeezed Théo’s shoulder through the material of his hoody, a quiet reassurance that he didn’t have to feel guilty about pinning any blame on the man who’d forgotten to love him as he raised him.
She’d always wondered if broken people found their way to each other. While she’d been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, she’d lost her mom and dad’s affection somewhere down the line. The feeling of being left behind was what had brought her to the city, hoping to find a place that would quiet her worries about never finding her people. Now, she had Théo and Elodie. And Noah and Bobbie. All of them orphans of the storm because they’d grown up out of sync with their families. On her more charitable days, she’d even allow Lando into their little club of misfits, knowing that there were things about the other boy’s family life that had driven him into the same state of need as her own. It was probably why the two of them fought over Théo so much. He was a safe space and both of them selfishly wanted him to be theirs.
At least this time, he’d come to her and not Lando. She could be the one to help him feel better.
“Théo, I could never ever hate you. I lo–” Her eyes widened a little at how close she’d gotten to saying the one thing she’d been swallowing back for weeks now, always on the tip of her tongue but never sure if it was allowed to be spoken out in the open.
Of course she was in love with Théo. She had been ever since she’d first met him, really. Nobody had ever made her feel as appreciated as he did - although nobody else made her feel as sad either when he looked through her to watch whatever attention-grabbing display Lando was putting on for him. But surely that just illustrated how strong her feelings for him were.
She’d been thinking of a way to tell him, to broach the conversation of that and, well, sex. He’d been so respectful for so long, always reassuring her that she wasn’t blue-balling him when she pulled away after kissing him, her nerves getting the better of her. What other boy would be that understanding?
“Come sit down,” she said gently, linking her fingers with his as she tugged him over to her bed, shoving various plushies and her Switch out the way.
It worried her that he said his dad would kill him. It might seem like an exaggeration for some people, but Keeley secretly worried that Mr Moreau might be capable of it.
“Just tell me what’s going on and we can get through it. I’ll help you, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”
Théo thought he might be having an honest to god heart attack. That was the only explanation for the pain that was cascading through his chest right now. His heart somehow managed to feel like it had stopped entirely, and like his pulse was racing so fast that it felt like he was going into anaphylactic shock. There was no sound logic to what he was experiencing right now, but the sound of Keeley’s soft I lo- as her sentence trailed off made him wish the ground could open up and swallow him whole. It was the least he deserved.
It had been cruel to string her along and he’d always known that. There was no justification in the world for what he’d put Keeley through, and his already irredeemable actions had been made so much worse by what he and Lando had done. He’d cheated on Keeley, and with a boy. Théo had been up all night, unable to sleep as his mind had run rampant with vivid images of the look of betrayal he knew he would ultimately see on Keeley’s face. It had been mingled with a look of pure, unfiltered repulsion as he delivered his admission that he’d not only cheated, but that he was gay. Whatever joy he’d momentarily felt in being able to touch Lando had been soured the moment reality had struck, when he’d fully reconciled with the pain he would now be responsible for.
“I don’t think I should sit,” Théo breathed, his voice fractured, catching around the lump in his throat.
He let her guide him all the same, weak and pathetic as he was, the same way he’d let Lando take his hand and lead him to the sofa. The two scenes seemed to flash before his eyes, side-by-side in the ultimate freeze frame. Two separate hands clutching his, both leading him; One, the girl who loved him and was so worried about whatever was plaguing him, unaware of the anguish he was about to deliver her. Two, the boy that he loved and who had swallowed his saliva and traded moans, bracketing his body as he’d encouraged their infidelity.
Keeley perched herself on the edge of the bed and Théo watched her, deflated, before finally lowering himself down onto the mattress too. He held her grip for as long as he could, knowing this would be the last time he held Keeley’s hand in his own. Possibly, if he fucked this up too, it might be the last time he held anyone’s hand.
It was time to rip off the band aid and to finally let her in on the truth, but Théo was terrified. He’d never said the words out loud, not in their entirety. He’d alluded to them that first time he met Jax, his confession so plain in his tears and his terror that he hadn’t needed to utter them out loud. To actually say them was different, because it meant he would have to finally be honest with himself.
“I, uh... I like boys,” Théo finally admitted, a painful sob tearing from his throat as he said it. Tears rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably, and his heart constricted in his chest. He hadn’t earned the right to cry and he hated himself for it, his own confession still so weak and avoidant, the full truth tucked neatly behind his chosen words.
