Welcome, friends and foes and those of you under review, to my self ship blog! I may not post often, but I write lots of transcripts (tag: “fanscript”) and occasionally proper fics if you want to stick around! :)
Bad news: having an f/o who exists solely in a 4 minute scene from an audio drama means fanworks are hard to come by.
Good news: having an f/o who exists solely in a 4 minute scene from an audio drama means you can easily rewrite that transcript to include your self insert.
And so, by demand request of the Selfship Library (/lh), I present:
First Impressions
GWEN puts the phone down hard and lets out an irritated long sigh. The door opens abruptly and BRETT saunters in, followed closely by RIKKI.
GWEN: (angry) Alice, I told you, I’m not- Oh.
She stops, thrown. He is unexpected, rather handsome, and RIKKI is side eyeing him suspiciously. She covers with her best impression of what she thinks authority looks like.
BRETT: Sorry, don’t mean to interrupt. I asked to see the woman in charge and your employee here led me to you.
GWEN: Did they?
RIKKI: (grouchy) Not as willingly as he’d have you believe.
GWEN: I see… yes, I am in charge. I don’t believe we’ve met, Mr…
BRETT: Larz, call me Brett. And I’m guessing you’re Ms. Bouchard, I believe we have an appointment?
GWEN: We do?
BRETT: Set up a few weeks ago. You emailed us?
GWEN: (still covering) Oh. Of course, my… assistant here must have neglected to update my calendar. My apologies.
RIKKI: (how dare) Excuse me?
BRETT: (taking a seat) It’s all good, God knows I’d struggle to be on the ball working these hours. Latest meeting I’ve had in years. Since your predecessor, actually.
GWEN: Right.
BRETT: Must be a lot of pressure, filling her shoes.
RIKKI: Watch it.
GWEN: Settle down, Mx. Prescott. (to Brett, colder) It’s been a lot of clean up, certainly. Speaking of which, I’m afraid we’ve been having some issues with our email systems. Do you remember what exactly I wanted to discuss?
BRETT: Oh well, I believe you said something about budget adjustments and reconsidering whether Starkwall had anything to offer the OIAR in terms of security services?
The penny drops for Gwen.
GWEN: Ah, of course.
She settles herself back and into her role. It isn’t really any more convincing.
GWEN: Well firstly, I’m so glad you could make it.
BRETT: Pleasure’s all mine, Ms. Bouchard. You’re a breath of fresh air compared to my other clients.
GWEN: (flattered) Yes, well…
She meets RIKKI’s eyes, which, among other things, are screaming “keep it together.” She readjusts in her chair.
GWEN: I’m afraid this meeting is purely exploratory you understand.
BRETT: Explore away.
Beat.
GWEN: As the new manager, it behooves me to check these things, and although our current security arrangements are satisfactory, I’m interested in hearing your pitch as to why we need the services of a Private Military Company.
BRETT: Well, let’s start with tonight. I just walked right in and you know how many people challenged me? One. (gesturing to RIKKI) Just the one. There was one locked door with a basic RFID reader. When I knocked on it, a tired young woman let me in as soon as I said your name. The only obstacle I had to face was an openly aggressive, expletive-filled interrogation on my name and intentions, and while the effort was commendable, it still took little convincing to get me to your office, albeit with an escort. I’m not sure I’d describe that as a “satisfactory security arrangement.”
GWEN: I see your point, but we can solve that with some basic training and some new locks.
BRETT: Of course, but that isn’t going to help with off-site security is it?
GWEN: True but we do have… other assets at our disposal, should we need them.
RIKKI: (please no) Gwe- Ms. Bouchard, I hate to cut in, but I feel as though we’ve been over this. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be wary of…
They look towards BRETT, whose head is tilted in passive interest. Their eyes narrow and they look back to GWEN.
RIKKI: Outside influences, but I don’t believe our “other assets” are much of a viable resource either. Considering our… previous encounters, it seems a bad idea to trust them with much of anything, least of all our safety.
BRETT: They’re right, you know. I warned Lena against the wholesale shift to her uh, how shall we put it? ‘Unpredictable External agents?’
RIKKI visibly startles. GWEN is surprised but covers it.
BRETT: Well, as Mx… Prescott, was it? (no response from RIKKI) As Mx. Prescott says, it was a bad idea then and it’s a bad idea now. In the past, Starkwall has been a major factor in keeping those agents in check, and I think we can both admit that Lena’s decision to part ways with us has left your situation… precarious.
GWEN: It’s not ideal, I’ll admit. But I have a few reports here that seem to show Starkwall actually increasing the precarity of a few situations over the years. What would you say to that?
BRETT: (good natured) Hey, I’ll be the first to admit our record isn’t spotless. But when you’re working in dangerous situations with incomplete intel and unreliable allies, things can get hairy. But let’s be honest, as far as I’m aware that’s pretty much the standard M.O. at the OIAR and we never left a job unfinished. I still believe there’s a bright future for us if we work together.
RIKKI: (under their breath) A profitable future for you, maybe.
BRETT: And a secure one for you and your team. We can protect you from whatever comes your way. I guarantee it.
RIKKI: (indignant) You “guarantee it?” Seriously? Had to deal with the externals yourself? Or were you just the one filling out forms when their bodies turned up? Do you even know what actually-
GWEN: (sharp) Rikki, that’s enough.
Beat.
GWEN: Thank you for your time, Mr. Larz, but I think we’ll have to decline your offer for now.
BRETT: I understand. How about we leave you to think it over and if the situation changes, we’ll be ready to help. Here’s my card - drop me a line when you reconsider and we can set up some sort of trial or demonstration, maybe?
GWEN: We’ll see.
BRETT: (standing) Sounds good. Well, take care of yourself Ms. Bouchard, I can’t deny I’m a little disappointed, but it’s still nice to be invited back.
He politely smiles at RIKKI. His eyes hold a sense of fascination.
BRETT: And it was lovely to meet you, Mx. Prescott. I do hope to see more of you going forward.
RIKKI: (skeptical) Sure.
BRETT: You know, it’s strange. I never realized how big this office is when I was talking to Lena.
RIKKI bristles, about to say something, but GWEN shoots them a look and they begrudgingly settle.
GWEN: Good night, Mr. Larz. I’m sure my assistant would be happy to show you out.
RIKKI: Overjoyed.
Bonus Blurb
RIKKI: So, since I’m now apparently getting the flak for the problems around here as your new “assistant,” am I gonna be getting a pay raise as compensation?
GWEN: You already know you aren’t.
RIKKI: And here I thought Lena was a tyrant.
GWEN: (weary sigh) Just get back to work.
RIKKI: On it, boss. Any meetings I need to add to your calendar while I’m at it?
AroAce4AroAce Binary System: a Guide to My Most Complicated YumeShip
Part 2: Asexuality
This is the continuation on my post regarding the concept of both Brett Larz and Rikki Prescott being aroace and how that manifests in their relationship. This post will be discussing sexual topics, though I will be keeping it as PG as I feasibly can. If you only wanted to hear about the romantic aspect, you can find the Aromanticism post here. -> (Part 1: Aromanticism)
All that being said, still slapping a readmore on this one so no one can say I didn’t do my due diligence in not forcing anyone to stick around and listen to this aspect.
Brett:
Reciprosexual - Only experiences sexual attraction toward those who express sexual attraction toward themself first.
Sex Favorable - Has favorable feelings toward and enjoys sexual interactions.
To put it bluntly and with love, Brett is someone who enjoys an ego boost however he can get it. While his drive isn’t so high that he feels much of a need to go out and find a sexual partner on a regular basis, he does find himself attracted to the idea of being seen as attractive himself, which is not an uncommon occurrence. While he may not be partial to committed romantic relationships, he has a decent sized list of friends with benefits and one night stands that he’s had throughout his life. Many would consider him something of a playboy as a result of this, but they would find that he never reaches for anyone who didn’t approach him first, as he has found it both more enjoyable and entirely necessary to get a clear green light before making any advances on another person. Were he to enter into a romantic partnership with another person, safe to say that he does view sex as a necessary part of the relationship in order for him to feel fulfilled.
Rikki:
Quoisexual - Cannot tell whether or not they experience sexual attraction.
Sex Ambivalent - Has complicated/mixed feelings about sexual interactions.
Rikki’s struggles at identifying feelings and attraction do not stop at the platonic/romantic stage, and due to even less experience with sexual relationships, they have even less data to go off. Sex is one of the forms of affection they reserve for romantic partners, who are already few and far between, and most allosexual partners do not seem to share their need for a proper discussion before taking that step, which leads to further complications and confusion on Rikki’s part. They do enjoy the experience when in the proper headspace, but struggle to identify if it’s due to attraction, hormones, or just normal physical responses to the act. Rikki’s low sex drive tends to spark conflict as well, as their disinterest can lead to partners feeling insecure about the relationship, which Rikki isn’t great at mediating as they can’t confidently confirm or deny attraction and don’t respond well to feeling forced to do so. All these issues combined result in Rikki feeling especially anxious about sex in their relationships, making them tend to avoid the topic altogether, to the detriment of themself and their partners.
Binary System:
While the pair’s concepts of romance wound up slotting together with little problem, the sexual aspect was a lot less smooth sailing. The topic was briefly touched on during the Talk™, but was pushed aside in favor of working out the romance first. But after about a month without any further discussion, Brett decided that he needed to have this conversation, as navigating an aroace relationship as a sex favorable asexual proved difficult. They talked at length about it, Brett confiding that he was typically attracted toward people who he knew for sure were attracted to him first, Rikki that they couldn’t outright say that they were as it all gets jumbled in their mind when they try to pin the feelings down. They both agree that the only way to really test this was to try and see what happens, taking it slow in case either felt the need to call it quits.
It goes without saying the start felt a little awkward on both sides, each one stuck in their head while trying to analyze the other’s reactions to ensure they didn’t cross any lines. The awkwardness faded as it progressed, largely because due to Brett’s extensive experience, he could see that Rikki’s body language and reactions were in line with that of someone who was attracted to him, even if they couldn’t see that themself. With that mental hurdle overcome for him, he managed to relax and perform as well as ever, though always checking in with Rikki to make sure they weren’t uncomfortable. On Rikki’s end, the usual confusion on what exactly they were feeling never truly let up, though they eventually stopped caring and started focusing on enjoying themself instead. When it was all over, Rikki’s opinion was that they still were unsure about attraction, but they would not have any complaints about making this a regular occurrence if he was happy with it, which he confirms he is.
It’s not all solved after one night. They do still have regular conversations about boundaries and limits and preferences, let alone the much more complicated conversation to be had when the topic of kink is eventually brought up. But, just as is the case with their romantic relationship, the two feel safe and comfortable having discussions about things like this, as they both agree they’d rather have a potentially tricky talk together than let any problems fester and ruin what is ultimately proving to be a good thing for the both of them.
AroAce4AroAce Binary System: a Guide to My Most Complicated YumeShip
Part 1: Aromanticism
Figure I should probably get this out while it’s still Pride Month. I have been rotating this in my mind for a while now, and I thought it might be something people were interested in. I will separate this idea into two seperate posts, focusing on the aromanticism and the asexuality respectively, with the sexual aspect being posted separately with a readmore (and kept as PG as possible), which can be found here. -> (Part 2: Asexuality)
When I say both Brett and Rikki are aroace, bear in mind that it doesn’t mean they experience it in the same way. For both romantic and sexual attraction, it comes down to their microlabels. How aware they each are of these microlabels isn’t necessarily relevant, as the terms are applicable even without feeling the need to label it themselves.
And finally, I feel the need to add the disclaimer that yes, I am fully aware that I am characterizing Brett Larz off of about 6 minutes of screentime at the time of writing this post. You will find that I simply do not care. If Jonny and Alex didn’t want me running off with the only living American in their portfolio and making my own headcanons about him, they should have kept a closer eye on him (or at least, not just leave him in my custody for almost a full year).
Brett:
Lithoromantic - Can experience romantic attraction toward someone, but doesn’t want/need that person to reciprocate, and might even lose attraction if they do.
Romance Ambivalent - Has complicated/mixed feelings toward romantic interactions.
Brett doesn’t experience attraction frequently, but in his younger years, he did not hesitate before acting on those feelings. He was rarely rejected, but found the reality of the average relationship to be suffocating. The ways in which he prefers to show love are widely considered cold or lacking, prioritizing ensuring safety and autonomy for both himself and his partner over emotional warmth, and he found that his partners in question were looking for something in him that he knew he couldn’t comfortably provide. In those younger years, he tried to fit the mold for his partners’ sake, but would grow resentful of how fake and unsatisfying it all would feel as a result. These relationships rarely ended well, with either Brett getting fed up with feeling forced to love in a way that didn’t come naturally or his partner catching on to his artificiality and walking away. Now, he finds it best to just appreciate the feeling of romantic attraction from afar, letting thoughts and fantasies entertain him in his quiet moments, but never getting closer to the subject than that.
Rikki:
Idemromantic - Cannot tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction, and as such will use external factors to differentiate the two.
Romance Indifferent - Is neither favorable toward nor repulsed by romantic interactions.
Rikki is someone who never really worked out how to identify their emotions, let alone their attraction. They are also a person whose natural state of being is solitary, so experiencing even platonic attraction is a rarity for them. As such, the few romantic relationships in their past were all friends to lovers type of deals, and in them Rikki found they couldn’t identify any notable change in how they felt, leading them to decide that a partner is just a friend that can be trusted more freely than others. While this definition worked for them, it often led to friction when their partners’ expectations didn’t align with their own. Some parted amicably, seeing it as just an incompatibility. Others lashed out, calling them a waste of time and energy. Both of these reactions proved to Rikki that the degree of discussion and negotiation that has to be had for a harmonious partnership was not something to be taken lightly. This is why they choose to remain single, and only when approached romantically by a friend with perceived potential to handle the complications that come with dating them will they even entertain the notion of becoming something more.
Binary System:
Brett is the one to identify his feelings toward Rikki first. He enjoys the time they spend together and has had the occasional daydream on what a romantic relationship with them could look like, but as the start of their current relationship was rocky and hostile on both ends, he’s even more averse to admitting his feelings to them than he normally would be. He is aware that Rikki is aroace due to the background check he did on all the staff of the OIAR, but can’t be sure about how it presents itself in them as it’s unlikely to be the same as himself. Rikki is largely unaware of his feelings, but does see Brett as someone who could be considered for a partnership if he were to approach them about it. With these two mindsets working in tandem, safe to say the talking/crush phase lasts significantly longer than it would in the average relationship. Pushing all the build up and plot to the side as it’s irrelevant to this particular post, when Brett finally does tell Rikki how he really feels, it’s at the tail end of a very stressful situation, and they both agree to give each other a couple of days to settle down and think things over before meeting up at Rikki’s flat for The Talk™.
Rikki is the one to initiate it, as they’ve practiced this speech a hundred times before, even if this is the first time they’ve actually given it. They tell him about how they largely don’t differentiate between a friend and a romantic partner, with the change coming only with the additions of physical affection (only in private, they aren’t big on PDA), more open and honest communication, maybe the occasional date, and trusting each other with their personal space and boundaries, which can be renegotiated at any time when either feels uncomfortable. Apart from that, they assure him things don’t have to drastically change from their current arrangements, as they greatly enjoy their dynamic and wouldn’t mind continuing to operate as they have been for the past few months.
Brett had gone into this conversation expecting the worst. He hadn’t known about the way they handle romantic relationships, and he’s hesitant about the new, unfamiliar arrangement. But, as he was the one who opened the door to this, he chooses to give it a chance. And, to his private astonishment, it works. At first, he fell into old habits, trying to pretend to be the perfect boyfriend with grand gestures and extravagant dates, but it only takes a matter of days before Rikki cuts him off of that, reaffirming that he doesn’t need to get elaborate about all of this, that they can take it at his pace instead of just jumping into the deep end from the word “Go.” So, he settles down, paces himself, and finds that the more utilitarian type of love he was more inclined toward was welcomed openly, reciprocated even.
In the end, this relationship doesn’t look especially romantic from the outside looking in. Neither one spends time gushing about the other, they don’t act particularly affectionate around each other, and they still seem to spend a lot of time bickering over every little thing. But, Brett brings Rikki lunch on days where he knows they overslept and couldn’t pack one themself. Rikki will sometimes pick a silly, petty fight to take Brett’s mind off of his problems. Both feel safe enough to sleep at night, knowing the other person wouldn’t let anything bad happen to them. Both know that if they feel something isn’t working, they don’t have to be afraid of the other lashing out, that they’ll talk as long as it takes for them to come to an agreement on whatever problems arise. It’s a relationship built on trust and communication rather than attraction, and neither one can think of a better outcome than the one they found.
Crazy how you can send one half baked thought to a discord server half an hour before your shift starts then 8 hours later have written a full transcript and an entire original fable. Inspired by an angsty comic about a jackalope, I present to you: my first attempt at an Unwell-style character-specific fable for my self insert, Rikki Prescott (featuring Silas too ig /lh).
The Rabbit and the Antlers
The sound of RIKKI’s footsteps against fallen leaves crunch as they make their way through the twilit woods, lost in their thoughts. The sudden call of a voice audibly startles them.
SILAS: Bit late for a stroll in the woods isn’t it?
RIKKI: Jesus fucking - don’t just sneak up on someone, man! Not cool!
SILAS: My apologies, I saw you wandering with your head in the clouds and figured you might want some company.
RIKKI: I really don’t.
SILAS: You sure? You’re awfully far from that boarding house. You sure you could find your way back in the dark?
RIKKI: (suspiciously) How did you know I’m staying at Fenwood?
SILAS: Why, I was there on Halloween! I don’t think we properly met, though I did see you walking upstairs, I presume to your room.
RIKKI: (flinching) Oh… yeah. Halloween. That makes sense.
SILAS: Is something wrong?
RIKKI: Nothing worth bothering a stranger about. Personal problems.
SILAS: I find that sharing with a stranger often comes easier than to a loved one at times.
RIKKI: I’m not really feeling up to sharing with either.
SILAS: Are you sure?
RIKKI: Yes. (beat, sigh) No. I don’t know. It's just… it’s been a long week.
SILAS: I assume something happened on Halloween?
RIKKI: I mean, kinda? Just dumb romantic stuff.
SILAS is looking at them proddingly. RIKKI lets out a huff.
RIKKI: There’s this guy, Rudy. I… I really like him. I have since I met him. And I was trying so hard to keep it under wraps because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but then he started working with the Delphics and Abbie started shouting at him and I tried to get in the middle and she said I was only defending him because I have a weird crush on him while he was right there next to me and just… (muttering) Like I said. Dumb romantic stuff.
SILAS: Why are you so eager to hide your feelings? Surely talking to him about how you feel would feel much better than squashing it down like that.
RIKKI: I don’t know. I’m just bad at the whole “vulnerability” thing, I guess. Always have been. Makes me antsy. And agitated. Makes me start yelling at people who are just trying to comfort me for no good reason and then when someone pushes back it just makes me want to push harder until everyone is shouting and it’s all so loud and-
They’re clearly working themself up into a frenzy. SILAS reaches a hand out to steady them, but they flinch away from it. After a moment of silence to collect themself, they continue, voice uneven but less frantic.
RIKKI: I just don’t like seeming weak. Feeling pitied. So when Dot and Wes were just trying to help me and make me feel better about making an ass of myself, I took it like it was an insult when I know it wasn’t, and just made things even worse. (sigh) I don’t know. I don’t know why I do that. It never makes anything better, doesn’t make me feel better, it just… hurts people.
SILAS: …have you ever heard the tale of the rabbit and the antlers?
RIKKI: (frustrated) Do I seem like I’m in the mood for storytime right now?
SILAS: Not especially, but I find that few who are in need of my lessons are ever “in the mood” for them.
RIKKI: Wasn’t aware I “needed” a bedtime story.
SILAS: I imagine it doesn’t appear as such from where you stand, but if you like, you could consider it a healthy distraction, of a sort.
RIKKI: Does it come with one of those fancy colorful cardboard pop up books?
SILAS: (chuckling) No, I’m afraid I left that copy in my cabin. My telling on its own will have to suffice.
RIKKI lets out a gentle huff of laughter at the joke. For a long moment they consider, before nodding slowly.
RIKKI: Alright, you got me. I’ll bite. How does it go?
SILAS, looking pleased, gestures for RIKKI to walk alongside him and begins to tell the fable of the Rabbit and the Antlers.
There once was a family of rabbits that lived in a burrow beneath a thorn bush. There was a mother rabbit and many baby rabbits, and they all lived peacefully in their warm home. But one of the rabbits, the runt of the litter, didn’t want to stay in the burrow. It wanted to leave and to live life freely in the world above. The rest of the rabbits told it that this was impossible, rabbits are so small and weak, this one more than any. They were meant to be safe and warm together, and if it went out on its own, it would surely be eaten. The little rabbit did not care to listen to reason. One morning, before the sun rose and its family with it, the rabbit slipped through the front of the burrow and wriggled its way through the thorn bush, free at last. The rabbit was so excited as it ran though the forest, taking no care to hide the thumping of its feet.
The noise attracted the attention of a nearby hawk, which let out a screech at the sight of an easy meal. In fear, the little rabbit darted into a thicket of blackberries, where the hawk could not reach it. The hawk scratched and pecked, but the rabbit cowered deep within the thorns. As the hawk flew away, the little rabbit cried. It has no knowledge of where it was. Nothing smelled familiar. It was so very small, it wouldn’t survive out here by itself. Its mother had told it of things like wolves and cats that would chase down rabbits like them and tear them apart. It had no claws to defend itself, and its teeth were not sharp enough to pierce its foes. It didn’t want to die. It wanted to live, but didn’t know how. It curled into its hiding spot and wept, hopeless.
As it cried, there happened by a large creature, one with a head full of mighty branches. It grazed upon the berries around the rabbit, taking no note of the tiny thing hiding within. The rabbit saw a rustle in the grass nearby, and the sharp eyes of a fox peered at the mighty creature with hunger. The rabbit called out to it to run, but instead, the being turned to face the beast. The fox pounced, but the large animal lowered its head and charged, the crown of protrusions atop its head stabbing into the fox. It howled and snarled, but its attempted prey held firm, flinging it away. Injured and defeated, the fox slunk back into the grass, disappearing.
The little rabbit crept out of the bush, staring in awe at the figure before it. “You’re so strong,” it exclaimed in amazement. “That beast would have eaten you as much as it would me, but you bested it with the branches on your head!”
The large animal laughed. “They are not branches, little one. I am a buck, and these are my antlers! They keep me safe from those that would make a meal of me.”
“Antlers,” the rabbit murmured. “Do you think I could have antlers too?”
The buck lowered its head, looking at the rabbit. “No, you could not. You are a rabbit. Rabbits do not have antlers.”
The rabbit protested. “But then, how am I to defend myself as you do?”
“I suppose you do not.” The buck stood up to its full height, turning to leave. It spared one final look at the rabbit. “You should be grateful, little rabbit. Violence does not become a creature such as you.”
The rabbit was angry. It was not grateful. It didn’t want to be helpless. It wanted antlers too. It turned to look at the blackberry bush. The branches were delicate and flimsy at the edges, but strong and sturdy at the center. Minding the thorns, the rabbit began to chew through two of the stems, pulling them down to the ground. It shucked the leaves and ate the berries before pushing the thick ends against its head. No matter what it tried, the branches would not stay on. Over and over the rabbit held the sticks to its skull, but they would not take. Weeping in misery, the rabbit pleaded to the forest to grant it this chance at survival, for it was the only one it had. It cried and cried until it fell asleep atop the branches.
When the rabbit awoke, it found lifting its head to be a difficult and awkward task. It felt so much heavier than it remembered, and it seemed as if something were getting tangled in the thicket. The rabbit saw the twigs it had slept against had gone missing, and its little heart began to race. Stumbling its way free of its shelter, the rabbit darted off into the grass. Hearing the sound of water, it rushed into the river, looking down on its reflection, and its heart sang with joy. The rabbit had grown antlers! Short but thorny, sticking out and twisting around on either side of its head above its ears. Just as prominent and powerful as that of the buck, the rabbit thought proudly. It wouldn’t need to fear the predators anymore. It could defend itself. It could survive.
And for a long while, it did. Small as the little rabbit was, its antlers were indeed strong, and as the rabbit grew into them, it learned to wield them so that no predator could ever hope to fight them. Those who tried found themselves scratched by the thorns, stabbed by the sharp tips. Never did it cower in a burrow the way the other rabbits did. This one was free from fear as none of its kind had ever been before. But, the rabbit wasn’t free from loneliness. The antlers that were so effective in deterring those who wished it harm were just as such for those the rabbit met along the way. It was seen as unnatural. A rabbit that bore such violent features. The other little creatures ran in fear, scared of the pain the rabbit could cause to them.
The rabbit grew sad and weary, and its head was ever so heavy, but it couldn’t remove its antlers. Its antlers had granted it safety, the means to defend itself. They were a part of the rabbit. It had nothing and no one except for its antlers. And so, alone the rabbit lived, protected but alone. While it never went hungry, always able to fight for its meals, it lived a life of blood and pain. The antlers made it impossible for the rabbit to run and hide as nature intended, and every day became a fight for survival. It fended off predators of all kinds, owls that swooped from above and weasels that scurried from their dens and dogs that chased and barked and snapped. The rabbit found itself longing for the days before it had snuck from the den. The days when it knew warmth and comfort and safety that wasn’t viciously won but lovingly given.
As the rabbit pondered its old life, it caught a familiar scent. One it hadn’t smelled since it was young. It followed the smell through the forest to an old thorn bush, the leaves long dead, leaving the burrow beneath easy to see. The rabbit’s heart danced, and it did not hesitate before it ran to the bush. The thorns caught in its pelt, staining its fur with blood, but it persisted. It called out, for its mother, for its siblings, for anyone. Hearing no response, the rabbit grew desperate. It began shoving its head into the opening of the den, but its antlers couldn’t fit in the small hole. The rabbit scratched and dug, feeling the pain of the thorns and the ache of its antlers as it began to break into the old burrow.
When the ground caved into an opening wide enough, there was no thought in the rabbit’s movements. It leapt into the den, antlers catching on the walls and ceiling, leaving marks carved into the dirt. The rabbit searched, but there were no remains of its lost family. The rabbit began to cry. It was so very tired and so very alone. In anguish and anger, its feet thumped heavily against the floor. The tremors traveled up the walls and into the dirt above. As quick as a blink, the earth gave way, the scoured marks left by the rabbit’s antlers leaving it weak and crumbling. The rabbit was crushed beneath the rock and soil, struggling and squirming, but the antlers it held so dearly could not save it. It let out a final whisper as the breath left its lungs as if to the family now long gone, “The rabbit that forsakes its nature may never return to it.”
There is a long silence as SILAS’ fable comes to an end.
RIKKI: Not the gentlest bedtime story I’ve ever been told, but somehow not the most brutal.
SILAS: Is that so?
RIKKI: My mother had a pretty dark sense of humor sometimes.
SILAS: I can imagine.
RIKKI: So… assuming I’m the rabbit in this scenario? Because if so, you said it yourself. I can’t exactly stop… “having antlers.”
SILAS: (pleasantly) No, I don’t expect you could. But, we as people are social animals, as they say. We were never meant to tuck ourselves away in isolation, keeping all our feelings to ourselves. We were meant to share them, to take solace in a community, to open ourselves up to love and friendship.
RIKKI: I know, I know… it’s just hard to. Trim the antlers? I guess? Sorry, I think I’m a little too deep in the metaphor. It’s been a long day.
SILAS: (laughing) It’s no trouble, I think I’m flattered my lesson sunk in as deep as it seems to have gone.
RIKKI: (huh) Yeah. I guess it did. You’re really good at telling stories.
SILAS: I have had many years to hone my craft. (beat) So, what will you do now?
RIKKI: Well, first things first, I think I have some apologies to make. A lot of apologies to make. That’s not gonna be fun. Then… I don’t know. I don’t think I’m quite ready to face Abbie or Rudy just yet. I just need a little more time.
SILAS: An animal can’t be expected to change its behavior overnight. But, I am glad to hear that you intend to… “trim your antlers,” as you say.
RIKKI: (lighthearted) Hey, I’m tired and sad, it’s rude to poke fun.
SILAS: Couldn’t be helped. But, you won’t have to endure much longer.
He raises an arm to point at a light breaking through the tree line. RIKKI lets out a quiet gasp of astonishment.
RIKKI: You actually managed to find this place in the dark? Jesus, I need to up my mental map game.
SILAS: Oh, give it a few centuries, you may one day be as adept at navigating these woods as I am.
RIKKI: Bullying and boasting, huh? So much for the friendly old man in the woods.
SILAS: (laughing) My apologies. I must take my leave now. Just because I know the route home does not mean I’m eager to stay away from it this late.
RIKKI: Well, I appreciate you taking me this far. Thanks for not leaving me stranded and angsty in the woods.
SILAS: Anytime, my dear. I bid you a pleasant evening.
He extends a hand, which RIKKI takes with a smile and a nod. SILAS then turns and wanders back into the woods, out of sight in an instant. RIKKI turns back to the boarding house and breathes a heavy, reluctant sigh.
RIKKI: (filled with dread) Oh, I’m sure the next few hours will be perfectly pleasant for me.
A/N: So today is my official wedding day with Ted. Except, I have to work today, and I won't get any free time to actually enjoy it until Sunday. But I thought I would at least post a couple of things for the celebration, rather than. Go dead silent. On my own wedding day.
This is one of the two posts I will make.
If you're reading this, you're invited to the wedding! Maybe send a "happy wedding day" to Ted and I, if you want?
Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!
Proship + Variants DNI.
Weddings were supposed to be stressful events. She had never attended one herself (not since she was a small child, anyway), but the stories she heard made her keenly aware of this fact. Still, couldn't an exception be made for a wedding being hosted in Heaven?
Apparently not.
Sara had been pacing the room back and forth, trying to think of anything else she might have missed. She had her bouquet, she had her vows written, her wedding outfit was a sight to behold; soft whites and golds, flowers braided into her hair, the veil sitting perfectly on her head. Still, she couldn't help the feeling that something was missing. Something was out of place.
It was driving her insane. She kept checking the room, trying to find anything out of place. But nothing was. But something had to be, right? Because if not, why couldn't she shake the feelings off?
With an exasperated sigh, she fell into an armchair nearby and placed her face in her hands. This was awful. It was going awful already, and she hadn't even stepped out.
It just felt so… Overwhelming. Actually being here, in the moment, instead of it being some far-off idea that would never come. They had kept pushing the date, kept talking around it. They weren't ready, even if they were engaged. And it made her wonder if they should have even gotten engaged so fast.
Yes, they had known each other for so long. 109 years. Longer than that now, even. But time itself wasn't a concept Heaven needed, so time simply became… The moments themselves, rather than a number. Still. They had only started dating the last few of those 109 years. Then, as soon as they both died, he proposed. And of course she said yes, because how could she not say yes?
But did she really mean yes?
... She reached over for the vows sitting on the table, and carefully opened the paper up.
She read through the words. The promises she made to Ted. The emotions she poured onto the paper; of her love and admiration for him, of her wish for the life they should have had, and the happiness for the one they lived in now. She read of her love for him.
And slowly, her worries faded. The questions stopped coming, and what was left was… Peace. Nerves for seeing him at the end of the aisle, but that was more about how she might just cry seeing him than wanting to run.
With gentle hands, she stood up once more with the vows and picked up her bouquet. She tucked her vows carefully into the flowers, making sure it was well-hidden enough to not look out of place. Then, she held the bouquet in her arms and turned to the mirror.
She studied herself once more. Her hair, her dress, her makeup, her bouquet…
She looked like a real bride.
A bride, who in just a few moments, would be married to the love of her life. The one she waited forever for. The one who followed after her to this Heaven, because Heaven would otherwise not be the same without him.
A soft knock at the door drew her attention, and a voice followed with it, "Sara? It's time. Let's go."
She stared at that door for a simple moment. Then took a deep breath and smiled brightly, walking over to turn the knob and step out. The door closed behind her with a soft click.
I feel like the yume/self ship community is pretty hard if you're not an artist. I see a lot of people get ignored and have a lot less traction if they aren't an artist of some kind. I get that this community isn't about how big your following is or how well known your ship is, but honestly some of y'all make it seem like it is. And it's not fair how many people get ignored for simply not being an artist of some sort or having many commissions. So, shout out to shoutout to yume/self shippers that aren't artists, or don't have any art of their ships, or just have a very small following in general. I see you and I absolutely still care about your relationship(s) regardless of these factors 🫶
If the creator(s) of your F/O asked you to stop Self Shipping with your F/O would you stop?
Yes I’d stop.
No and I’d still continue posting about my Self Ship online.
No but I wouldn't post about my Self Ship online anymore.
Other (please explain in tags)
Voting ended onMar 14
Note: The only reason they're asking you to stop is because it makes them uncomfortable. This also applies to all types of Self Ships from Romantic, Platonic, Familial etc.
