[cod-dump]

Gaz: I can't believe I'm trapped with you two for A WEEK! UGH *storms down the hall*

Soap: Someone's mad he can't cuddle his boyfriend

Ghost, in a hushed voice: don't worry, I prepared for this

Soap: What??

Ghost: I got him a colonel sized teddy bear, it's already in his room. He'll be fine

Soap: You WHAT- *wheezes*

[cod-dump]

*on leave*

Ghost: *watching TV while sipping tea*

*loud crashing from the bathroom*

Soap: *loudly cursing*

Ghost, running to the hall: Johnny!?

Soap, running out of the bathroom naked: FUCKING CHRIST SIMON

Ghost: What happened!?

Soap: A COCKROACH FLEW ON ME IN THE SHOWER! NO WONDER THIS DAMN FLAT IS SO FUCKING CHEAP

Ghost, red faced: Wait- *snorts*

Soap: DON'T YOU DARE! I'M AT MY MOST VULNERABLE, SIMON

Ghost, trying not to laugh: I am so sorry-

[cod-dump]

Soap: So, we know pre-domesticated Ghost was... difficult...

Price: I still have the scars, difficult barely covers it. More like a feral THING that I had to gain the trust of by feeding it and not leaving when it bit me!

Gaz: ... cap

Price: Like a cat that never learned to meow to communicate to humans so it just hisses at you and you don't know if it's saying hi or telling you to fuck off!

Soap: wow-

Gaz: and you're friends

Price: And we're friends and I still fucking feed him even after he bites me

Soap & Gaz: *wheeze*

[cod-dump]

Soap: Kyle, I just heard the juiciest thing! So, König, big guy ya know, colonel of KorTac. So he-

Gaz, in a hushed voice: I FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT TEN MINUTES AGO

Soap: Uh- Oooohh. Right! Juicy shit

Gaz: Did you seriously start fucking gossiping about it!? IMMEDIATELY!?!?

Gaz: Oh you're so dead-

Soap: No no- I forgot you told me! I only gossip the good stuff with you and just wanted to share!

Gaz: ... you were gossiping my own shit... back to me-

Soap: I FORGOT-

[cod-dump]

Horangi: *typing on a laptop*

König: You better not be using company property for personal use

Horangi: Oh, don't you worry, I am SO doing my reports

König: And I don't believe that

Horangi, still typing: You know me so well

König: ... I'm almost afraid to ask what you're writing

Horangi: Don’t worry your omega head about it

Horangi: *starts typing faster*

König: ... What??

[cod-dump]

Gaz & Soap: *talking while Ghost stands next to them staring at nothing*

Alex: ... y'know, Ghost is kinda creepy

Farah: Really? Does he scare you?

Alex: No! Just- Look, he's been staring at the wall for ten minutes as Gaz and Soap talk. Kinda weird

Farah: He's hanging out with them

Alex: He's being creep-

Ghost: *suddenly looks at Alex*

Alex: *shrieks*

[cod-dump]

Ghost: five of us in that tiny car?

Soap, smirking: Don’t worry, Si, I'll save you a seat

Ghost, seriously: is it your face?

Soap: *immediately turns red*

Gaz: *snorts*

Ghost: Huh, guess not. I call shotgun *walks off*

Gaz: *dying*

Soap: Put me on the roof, I need air

[cod-dump]

Gaz: Wait- Nik is TEN years older than you??

Soap: That's problematic

Price: Oh please, there are far more problematic things going on. The age difference is the least of your concerns

Gaz: ... like-like what?

Price:

Soap: LIKE WHAT???

Price: Well-

Ghost: No! We're stopping this conversation now or I'm going to throw up-

[cod-dump]

Gaz: ... we should meet behind enemy lines and kiss in a supply closet

König, sitting across from him trying to clean his gun: *stares in shock*

Gaz:

Gaz: What the FUCK are you doing to ME!?!? YOU'RE MAKING ME STUPID

König: Why are YOU the victim???

[impurefawn]

price with crybaby!reader yup yup yup!!

he gets so hot and bothered when you cry but he really can’t help himself:( you’re just so cute with those teary eyes, little sniffles filling the air. the man has a huge saviour complex. he wants to scoop you up and protect you from the world.

so what if his way of making you feel better is by getting a few orgasms out of you? works like a charm.

“come on, love. i got you.” he coos at you, fingers deep in your hole as you sob. “tha’s it, let it all out.” he encourages you, kissing beneath your eyes and licking your tears. delicious, he thinks, as he urges you to open up to him and tell him everything that’s wrong. he’ll fix it for you. there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you, really.

“goooood baby. give me on more.” john mutters against yours lips, his hips grinding against you. the tent in his pants is very evident and he’s shamelessly pressing his groin on your thigh, humping as he fingers you. “feels good, yeah? i know, love. i know it does. i got ya.”

and when you’re both spent, underwear messy and skin hot, he holds you tightly. “such a good job f’me.” john murmurs, having you straddle his hips and pressing gentle kisses on your lips. “feel all better? yeah? good.”

[cod-dump]

Soap: Ugh, I was vomiting all night. Could barely leave the restroom

Ghost: ARE YOU PREGNANT??

Soap: ... AM I?

Gaz: No, we're not doing this again-

[cod-dump]

Gaz: Oh shit- What happened to you??

Graves, with a bruised neck like someone choked him: Oh this? Just a parting gift from my boyfriend

Gaz: ... oh

Graves, grinning: One hand

Gaz: oh!

Ghost: ... that explains so much about you

Soap: Brain damage from lack of oxygen to the brain

Ghost: he has a kink for danger

Soap: Yea... no wonder we can't get him to leave

[simontopia]

"im gonna eat you." you whispered into simons ear. he was sleeping peacefully but feeling your hand run up his chest woke him up. "what?" he says in a rough voice. "im gonna bite you, youre so cute. stop it." you say in a serious voice. you slap his chest. "stop making it hard to not take a bite. you have big muscles and i wanna taste." simon coughs and turns over. "go to sleep, dove." you whine and he just lends you his arm to chew on while he goes back to sleep.

[cod-dump]

Price, storming into the rec room: KYLE

Gaz: 'Kyle'? Oh, this is going to be good

Price: I know, I KNOW you have issues with Graves. But dating a man OLDER THAN ME??

Gaz: ... my boyfriend being older than me, older than you, has nothing on the bundle of crimes that Graves has

Price: Kyle-

Gaz: He runs KorTac pretty well despite what he has to work with. Makes REALLY good money, cooks like a Michelin star chef. Yes, maybe he has a bit of a questionable view point on life and maybe morals, and yes, he's older than me, but he's not-

Price:

Gaz: ... no-

Price: Well, that kind of reminds me-

Gaz: DON’T SAY IT

Price: Maybe I'm a bad influence

Gaz: *having a crisis*

[jessaerys]

it's very funny to me that as we enter another era of cocaine chic people are all like "breaking my silence. life DOES get better if you're skinny okay there i said it #brave" like are you stupid. of course life gets better when you're skinny. everyone knows this. life also gets better when you stop trying to fight off the killer in the parking lot and just let him put you in the trunk of his car. like it just goes sooooo much smoother for the both of us you guys and you don't even get punched in the face. it's amazing. it's so much easier than screaming and kicking and freaking out i don't get why it's such a big deal just go along with the nice man to a secondary location it's literally fine don't even worry about it

[frizox]

the abuse and humiliation Greta Thunberg is going through at the hands of the Israelis needs to be put in context with the dehumanising torture Palestinian prisoners are put through on the daily: the fact that darling Greta can be blindfolded and forced to crawl and kiss the Israeli flags - despite her international popularity and the protection her own government should guarantee her - is only possible because Israelis are allowed to beat, humiliate, starve and rape Palestinians to literal death without anyone stopping them.

[soberqueerinthewild]

Shel Silverstein predicting ChatGPT in 1981

[ace-sailor-uranus]

tbh i think this poem is better served with the *whole* picture, don't you?

[lynati]

...Oh yeah.