Mario Kart Tour: Oxford Foray
Told you this page would be random.
I think an underappreciated aspect of Tour's city track design is their atmosphere. They don't just tour recognisable landmarks in a believable layout, they really capture the city's character! From New York's dazzling nightlife to LA's casual appeal, Singapore's extreme extravagance to Sydney's energetic simplicity, Vancouver's splashes of colour and natural beauty, Amsterdam's effortless harmony with canals and nature alike, Rome's ancient architecture with comfortable life on top, Madrid's modern bustle with impressive history underneath, Athens' proud (and hilly) past and Bangkok's humble yet hopeful future, and Berlin's seamless integration of all eras: they're all accurate as far as I can surmise. There's only a few that I think don't quite hit the mark. Paris’ modernity is smothered in quaint romanticism, though what else could one expect, Tokyo has little of its maximalist flair, but perhaps the graphics limited that, and then… London.
I'm certainly biased, it being my home country and the only city on the list I've seen for more than a day, but it seems to only hit the beats of its most recognisable icons: laudably no doubt, but the city isn't just its imposing imperial riches! What strikes me about London is its fast-paced mishmash of cultures that fill in all the gaps between the great British statements like water running over cobbled streets: history and novelty around every corner! The course gives me the impression of the former but not the latter.
I'm not sure I'm qualified to rectify this, but I can make up for it with another English icon! My hometown has its history, but not enough to base a tour around. My current homestead, however, is undeniably culturally significant, and it's not just that. I hope I did well to convey the place as storied and not just interesting, but inviting, a genuinely fun place to stay for a day or a year. That's how I feel about it at least.
1: Our foray begins on the left side of the picturesque High Street, between Queen’s College and the Examination Schools. It’s a noticeably wide street (and a noticeably wide gothic limestone starting gate with a waving chequered flag to boot), with a cobbled dividing strip, and plenty of buses to crowd the way! As the road narrows and items are collected, there’s a right turn into the Covered Market, which has three narrow lanes to choose from, and a few opportunities to weave between.
Out of the market is a sharp right turn down a walled alley, with the lovely Exeter and Lincoln colleges adjoining. This is before a huge 180 turn with another item set around the Radcliffe Camera, an impressive dome in the middle of a big communal square. Having lost its fence, at that, so if you’ve got a mushroom and are prepared to miss out on items, the shortcut is worth it! Racers continue north past All Souls College and the Bodleian Library to reach the roundabout connecting Broad Street and Holywell Street. Remember the Bridge of Sighs to your right.
The route continues up Parks Road, a leafy avenue with plenty of boost panels, before splitting around Keble College! If you continue straight forwards, you get an easy wide road, and a view of both the Natural History Museum and University Parks. However, if you take that subtle sharp left, you can find a potentially faster cut-through that’s a bit tougher to navigate. I didn’t even have to design this one!
Both options reconvene at the apex of St Giles, where a patch of off-road leads to an optional ramp, and the road broadens to quite a degree, leaving room for a ridiculous row of coins. The abbreviated straight ends at the Martyr’s Memorial, which now has just a humble patch of grass behind it instead of an entire church, just to improve the flow.
A quick left turn introduces Broad Street, which, you guessed it, also widens out, somewhat narrowed by some of the city’s numerous bike racks. However, this one has its right half covered in short wooden ramps, for the first half! These can be useful for some trick boosts, but more coins lay the other way. Items are given at the halfway point. Before reaching the roundabout at the end, there is a conspicuous diversion past the Sheldonian Theatre (which has no fence, to make way for the race) and through the library complex towards the Bridge of Sighs. Racers may either run straight through the gate (tricking as they go) or take the grated glider ramps to make it over the bridge!
The return to the start line via New College Lane and Queen’s Lane is a winding, narrow path, walled in by the historic namesake colleges. You’ll have to forgive them for not having karts running through their grounds. Nonetheless, navigate those chicanes and a final left turn (with a sneaky cut over the pavement) brings you back to the line. It’s a long one alright!
2: As in track 1, we begin on the High Street, though this time we forge ahead past the Covered Market, the traffic turning off before the Carfax Tower, until the course swerves into the Westgate Centre. In a strikingly similar manner to Coconut Mall, the route has two walkways either side of an optional drop with escalators, before a right turn into a more open area where the drop and escalators are forced. I swear it’s coincidental! The decor is distinct at least.
After grabbing items wherever you may encounter them, exit the mall via another sharp right turn onto open road. Make use of its breadth before you have to navigate the Castle & Prison, which is exactly what it sounds like! A couple of narrow turns later, there is a brief anti-grav uphill to wind up the Castle Mound to a big glider ramp, from which one must avoid the dreaming spires of Nuffield College and St Peter’s College some random church, or grab some of the revolving coins if you’re daring…
Though you could just drop onto the street, the Ashmolean’s grand ionic forum is a perfect landing place, where one can drift around to jump down the stairs and find themselves heading onto Broad Street once again! This time, the route heads past the theatre and turns at the roundabout, so the other lot of ramps, this time occupying the left half, can be made useful. The lap ends the way you’d expect after turning at the roundabout.
3: Unlike both 2 and 1, we start our race on Cornmarket Street (under a long hanging sign of oil paints on wood, the closest I can get to putting a pub in a kids’ game), a place I would be remiss not to include, along with its clutter of bicycle parking. If there’s one thing you notice about transit in Oxford, it’s how many bicycles are in the way. However, if you can dodge around the racks, you may find some coins or even dash panels…
Anyway, Cornmarket is a simple, if not uninterrupted, straight, which racers take south, spying once again the Carfax Tower and then the Town Hall and impressive Christ Church. You know, the big one. The road continues down St Aldates with all its traffic, but soon turns left through the open gates of Christ Church Meadow! The next half of the lap takes place in greener pastures, first down a puddle-ridden southward straightaway with sparse items and Moo Moos spectating, then when the course meets the Thames and Folly Bridge, a more wide open snaking route with grass shortcuts abound! The riverside path remains intact, but still off-road.
After doing this eastward a while, the course drastically narrows as it winds its way northward strictly following the meanders of the Cherwell. Of course, there’s nothing stopping you from driving through the river itself, but the bumpy terrain and drag force balances any advantage of breadth. A wiser path is found by jumping onto a series of punts, which can be quite hard to aim for, but offer a trick each time. They’re not hard to come by in Oxford. This continues all the way to the Botanic Gardens, which can themselves be snuck through via a gap in the fence. Those wishing for a complete row of item boxes and, of course, the exquisite surroundings, can find themselves jumping over the pond in the south section before reaching the north, where a quick right around the fountain directs you between the greenhouses to reenter the river. The river, of course, does continue past the gardens, but who would want to miss out? Especially when that part of the bed gets so muddy…
When you’ve finally made it to Magdalen Bridge, you need only drive under it to find a wide slope up to the roundabout, which is drifted around before crossing the bridge to witness the lovely Magdalen Tower! We then cross the line - the line from the other versions, that is - before sneaking past the University Church to reach the road past the Radcliffe Camera. The Bodleian Library can now be dashed through for a guaranteed double box, if you can find the narrow entry! The rest is obvious: take Broad Street one last time, westward now, to reach the top of Cornmarket Street.
So how might these all fit together if they were given the Mario Kart 8 Deluxe treatment? Honestly, probably better than the individual courses! Lap 1 takes version 1, of course, but stops short of Broad Street, instead cutting through via Cornmarket to start lap 2, with version 2 taking over by way of a right turn at Carfax Tower. Lap 3 simply commences from the High Street and doesn’t bother with the whole Broad Street diversion: we’ve already seen it!
Oh right, I also made the music for it! You'll have to forgive Musescore's playback engine, they try, bless 'em.
It too had to be truly emblematic of Oxford, and besides the obvious historical, academic, fancy vibes, no sound reminds me more of this place than the echoing of church bells! And there are choirs in every college. So I ended up with a rather baroque piece, arpeggiated bass, change ringing, suspensions and all, which certainly suits the locale, but does NOT typically suit Mario Kart's encouraging energy. Heck, they almost always rely on synths, too, let alone their melody-first composition style that is entirely unfamiliar. How did I fit the mould? By focusing on intensity of Biblical proportions! If there's one thing choirs and organs can do, it's a ramp-up of DRAMA. With enough build and release, it's got the natural energy. Slap on a drum-beat and it ends up shockingly fitting. With all the zero inspiration I had to go on, I seriously surprised myself with this one. Judge for yourself!
Oxford is quite a convenient place to work with: most cities are so massive that you have to smush all the landmarks together and the layout doesn’t quite come naturally. But this place is already so compact, and packed with unmistakable buildings! Also, I know they’re trying to be flattering, but can you believe London saw not a drop of rain?! I think Oxford should be partially cloudy by contrast, providing a gentle rainfall, but with enough streams of sunlight to pierce the depressing grey… it could make the meadow look positively angelic!
Perhaps one day I’ll try my hand at Hong Kong Hustle to address Tokyo’s plight… or Shanghai Streets, I can’t decide! And then there’s one that is so easy to make that it’d be kind of funny just to do for the sake of it. We’ll see.
If anyone wants to take the names Rio de Janeiro Jaunt, New Delhi Journey, Moscow Scoot, Stockholm Swing, Cairo Cruise, Geneva Chase, or best of all, Brussels Bout, be my guest. And if any modders feel like 3d-modelling most of Oxford for me, I would love to give it a look :D
