the kathryn chronicles

kathryn 17 pacific north west expressing myself one poem at a time

[thepoetrycode]

I think it's important to know that it's okay to do things by yourself. When you want to walk to your favorite cafe to get coffee after class, accompanied only by your thoughts, that's perfectly fine. When it snows and you decide not to throw snowballs with your sisters because you would rather walk in silence through the trees in the park, that is perfectly fine. When it's a beautiful summer evening and your family is sitting outside around the fire, it's okay to return to your room if your body is aching to read the soft pages of the old, familiar book on your shelf. Learn to find solace in silence, in stillness, and in being alone. It's okay to do what's best for yourself without explanation; you don't owe one to anyone. Not to your mom, not to your professor, not to your best friend or to your boyfriend. Because one day you will be all alone without choice. And that day, the silence pushing against your ears will deafen you, or bring you to life.

Kathryn McMullen - July 16, 2016

[thepoetrycode]

Reassurance

You're a beautiful little doll and you're too good for this world You deserve beautiful flowers and a house with wooden floors and glass paned windows You need a comfy, squishy chair where you can sit and read or talk to God or drink coffee or watch tv You need a dog that will pad around the house and lay its head on your lap when you're sad or sleepy or content You need numerous tapestries hanging on the walls and your own paintings dotted in between them You need floppy hats and whispy bangs across your forehead And sun beams shining through tiny clouds that spot the ground with sections of light so beautiful it looks painted You deserve a person in your life who will make you toast and bring it to you while you're sitting and pondering in that big squishy chair, who will gently pat your hair and smooth it down and kiss your forehead before returning to their work You deserve hot showers with sudsy bubbles and bright, minty shampoos and conditioners You literally deserve the world And someday you'll go get it.

[thepoetrycode]

I want to leave red lipstick stains on every boy I touch, to remind him of me for eternity. I want my friends to remember the words that slipped off my tongue, poetic, passionate, and tireless. I want my each and every deed to radiate outward, forging something greater than could be created by just a single person. I want to mercilessly climb mountains, unapologetically soar the skies, and embrace each heartbeat of this beautiful life. I am fueled by fire, hot and fierce. And the world will remember my name.

Kathryn McMullen | December 10, 2015

[beaface]

And across the room she saw him arranging his pillows in his bed the way she’d been arranging her pillows for the last few months. She lay on the couch across from his bed and propped her head on the arm and hugged the pillow he’d given her. He turned out the light and said, “good night.” “Night.” She responded wishing she could be in that bed next to him. She knew he didn’t like her that way. She knew he only said she could stay on the couch to be nice. He was concerned about her driving home in the dark after she told him of her anxiety and he understood. He had the same. After a half hour of them both trying to sleep and only succeeding in flipping and flopping a few times, she got up and walked over to the bed and sat on the corner. “Are you alright?” He asked her. He was so sweet. “Snuggle me.” “What?” “Will you snuggle me?” She asked this time. “Why?” He asked. Why was he pretending he didn’t want it? “I arrange my pillows like that too. To feel like someone is lying next to me. I’m over there unable to sleep because I want desperately to be held and you’re over here unable to sleep because you want desperately to be holding someone. It’d be a you-scratch-my-back-I-scratch-yours kinda thing.” “I don’t know,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” “Fuck good ideas.” She said as she picked up the pillows. She lay down so he was spooning her and wrapped his arms around her abdomen. He let out a long sigh and held her tightly, his eyes getting heavy with the comfort he felt. "How am I ever going to let go?“ "Don’t ever let go.” She told him. “Please, don’t ever let go.”

Bea | Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via beaface)

[teacup12-deactivated20160830]

I want to be as crimson as the blood dripping from your veins until we’ve shed enough to cleanse each others sins Carve your name onto my heart & watch as each drop that falls writes you a sonnet Engrave your name on my lips so everything I touch tastes like you unhinge my bones & breathe into the crevices until the line between you & I becomes one

(via teacup12)

[wordsnquotes]

I’m so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything.

Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close  (via wordsnquotes)

[timburtonkilledmycamera]

- an excerpt from a book I’ll never write 😔

[rachxanne]

Monsters

The world is dark and still I am never truly alone The scares on my legs and wrists shout out to me Piercing shrieks come from my body Falling through the cracks of my own mind ‘Not good enough’ it crys I cover my ears, that doesn’t muffle the sound 'Waste of a human, no one would care if you died right now, so do it. Take this waste of a life, waste of a human, waste of space. First time you’d be doing anyone any good at all’ The world slips into silence My heart beats louder and rattles my whole body I grow dizzier, my eyelids sagging down The monsters have stopped for tonight, but soon they will be back

[thepoetrycode]

Equilibrium

Sometimes, When life throws you For a loop, The best thing You can do Is learn to love Being dizzy.

[thepoetrycode]

Against the Current

Learning to adapt

Is so much more valuable

Than swimming backwards.

[thepoetrycode]

Torn

Having to decide

Is one of the hardest things.

What if you love both?

[thepoetrycode]

Disposession of My Heart

Slipping through my fingers,

much resembling smoke,

you dance around my heart,

taking control.

I can only think of you,

for you have pushed yourself in,

becoming a piece of me.

Now, whenever you leave I am no longer whole.

The time spent agonizing is not nearly worth the

fleeting moments of touch and interaction you give.

I have no control.

My life is steamrolling on with you at the wheel,

and I don't know how I feel about that;

Denying you back into my life would mean forever losing

the piece of me that you hold,

but I may never get a chance to replace it if I don't.

Maybe my priorities need rethinking,

or maybe I just need someone good for

me.

[thepoetrycode]

Peculiatiry

Sometimes, you just need a detox

You need to be away

Completely separate from the person

you think is everything

You need to be your own entity

Remember that there was life before,

and there will be life after,

this person

You had your own dreams

Your own hopes and goals

Don't forget yourself while you think you're finding who you really are

You will always be you

Regardless of who is in,

or out,

of your life.

[thepoetrycode]

Infatuated

A day away, love,

Never fails to remind me

Of my need for you.

[thepoetrycode]

Not As It Seems

Sometimes you make a wish as a child,

not knowing how it will impact

your life;

Not knowing what you would

actually endure to get the wish,

To become who or what

you thought you wanted to be.

Sometimes, you arise on

the upper hand and your

wish is granted.

But the fairytale story you

were promised would take

you there,

never comes.

Sometimes, you go through

hell,

and live to tell the tale.

[thepoetrycode]

Freedom

When my mind is full,

My heart has nowhere to go.

I write it all out.