r.e.

A poet friend in an average world.

[thepoetryfriend]

i'm on the other side of yesterday

and things don't feel so bad anymore

r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

every breath burns my lungs

because I keep trying to breathe

even though I am drowning.

it hurts to be alive these days,

but here I am,

sputtering through every

burning

breath.

people say

“just breathe”

but it’s not so easy to do that

when every thought coming to you

tells you to do everything in your power

to get you to stop breathing.

it’s not easy

when everything in my being

is telling me to stop.

it’s telling me to lay down somewhere

forever

because i am USELESS.

useless.

useless.

it’s not easy when my parents say

they didn’t beat me enough.

it’s not easy when my parents

call me lazy

and call me mental

and call me a LIAR.

it’s not easy when every cell in my body

is screaming at me to end it all.

r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

I find myself to be similar to the sun. I give and I give and I give. but like the sun, I will one day burn out.   as I give, I am burning myself up and one day I will have nothing left. however, this day is so far into the future I do not fret. right now, as I burn myself up, I give my light to others to keep them alive. to let them thrive. because like the sun, all I know is how to give. like the sun, I am burning up and one day I will be out of things to give. but like the sun, I do not let this stop me. I give to everybody, even though sometimes I receive no thanks. I give because giving is what I live for and how I thrive.

the sun // r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

have you ever looked into a child's eyes?

they are so bright

and happy

and innocent.

any eyes can be beautiful.

the eyes are the key to the soul

and i can see what you see.

i can see what you feel

i can see what you are thinking

i know that when your eyes light up

it means you are happy

or excited.

and sometimes your eyes will be dim

and dark

and teary

but i will be there to wipe your eyes.

have you ever looked into your eyes in a mirror?

have you ever tried to see what a child sees?

you should try it.

you will see life differently

you will see beauty

and happiness

i promise you.

make your eyes bright again.

bright eyes r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

tonight i feel alone. the loneliness and the sadness, they creep up my spine and crush my chest. as broken promises, and some flat out lies, float around in my head, i realize i am just a shell of who i used to be. the people who i let in, who i trusted, they broke promises. and i do not take lightly to that. i want to feel as light as a snowflake, as bright as a faerie, but here i am with heavy darkness weighing me down. darkness is heavier than light. how do i know? because i know what's it like for the pressure to be lifted. i cant fill the vast hole in my chest with material goods or unrequited loves. i cant fill what i am lacking with dog kisses and dog cuddles. because it is different to be loved by a human. a human can hurt me a lot easier than a dog can. i have tried to fill my loneliness and my emptiness with material goods. i have tried for so long. i am still here, waiting to be me again. waiting for my heart to come back, for my love to be whole, for my body to be full. i am waiting to be fulfilled again. every time i think i am fulfilled, something is taken. and once again, i am empty. and lacking in love. it's surprising, really, how heavy i feel when there is a large chunk of me missing. and how light i feel when i am fulfilled.

unfulfilled // r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

in my opinion my friend is gone. she was my world. she was everything to me. but she is gone. and i am broken. i was alone. it hurt me that she refused to apologize. my best friend was not with me. never again. i was heartbroken. my heart was broken. people say “follow your heart” but that is what i did and i was broken my world was broken i had no love she had all of my love. i learned love is blind. and that was heart. today? i have new friends. a new best friend. she is my world. but my love is for me and i am a better person

a new me // r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

regrets: things i wish i said, but never did. things i wish i didn't say, but i did. things i wish i did, but never did. thing i wish i didn't do, but i did. i can't take things back. i wish i could have an undo button, for the amount of times i've done stupid things or not dealt with something well. for things i wish didn't happen but they did and i can't fix them. i can't fix the friendships. i can't fix things that never really worked in the first place. were we ever whole? were we ever inseparable? or was it all a dream? maybe a nightmare? regrets: things i wish i didn't have but i do

regrets

[thepoetryfriend]

i'm surviving that's all i can do

i am sad again // r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

writer's block where the words don't come to me and all I can think of are the thoughts nobody really wants to hear nobody wants to hear me complain about being truly exhausted or being in physical pain but that's all I think about because that's all I feel writer's block it's not that there's nothing to write about it's that the words don't make sense and they're swirling around my brain in nonsensical ways nobody wants to hear gibberish a strange mix between two languages a strange mix of unrequited love and video games a side effect of exhaustion writer's block so many things to write about but I think about all of them at once and it comes out as s p i r a l s

thoughts // r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

i cannot be like this forever because quite frankly this forever would kill me much quicker than anything else depression is my daily life anxiety is my brain suicidal thoughts are all i have been thinking for days now i cannot be like this forever because quite frankly if this doesn't end forever wouldn't be much longer

capable // r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

forgive yourself everybody makes mistakes it's human

reminders

[thepoetryfriend]

recovery is baby steps one foot in front of the other you can’t just hop into it because you will fall and you will fall hard and you will be angry at yourself for failing but you haven’t failed you have fallen you can get up recovery is one foot in front of the other sometimes falling you have to get back up recovery is a roller coaster it is ups and downs not a flat path

recovery // apositivityjourney

[thepoetryfriend]

it's a lie they'll love you even when you don't love you believe me

r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

things will be okay even if it doesn't seem so now

r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

I spent more of this week trying to bring happiness back into my life than actually being happy and that scares me.

morning thoughts // r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

we speak in ellipses and sighs unspoken language tell the stories better than words ever will in sickness and in health in sadness and in wealth ellipses and sighs that's how humans empathize the hissing of beer bottles opened it's their only way to cope and vodka drunk until past midnight living their lives out of spite putting too much pressure on others too much pressure put on them by their mothers but nobody says any of this because all of their feelings are lost into the abyss ellipses and sighs this is really just a word to the wise don't listen to the mental health stigma not everybody's brain works the same, it's just an enigma ellipses and sighs listen for those because anything said before is just another thing that effects their mental health

ellipses and sighs // r.e.

[thepoetryfriend]

nights like tonight I think of the time that my old dog ate a whole plate of brownies and was fine but when it happened we were thinking “how could she get on the table?” happy/sad moments because that was a happy moment but she’s dead now and that’s sad nights like tonight I think of my old guitar teacher teaching me how to play “Blackbird” by the Beatles because it was the first real hard song I learned happy/sad and that’s a happy moment but he died too and that’s sad nights like tonight I think of all the lies I ever told myself and that’s sad because they were all bad lies about myself but I’m growing away from them and that’s happy happy/sad

bittersweet // r.e.