The Ramtime Times

[theramtimetimes]

Why is it taking so long for the new Starbucks to open?

With classes in full swing and the Dealy Starbucks still not open for business, the RamTime Times asked 100 Fordham students what they’ve heard is causing the delay. The 8 most plausible are included below:

Connor, English, 2020:  I heard they were having trouble hiring adjunct baristas.

Isaiah, History, 2021: My friend on CAB said the E-Board is still trying to find a polite way to decline Timeflies’ repeated offers to play a free Starbucks open mic.

Kat, IPE, 2019: My RA told me the Starbucks is being used as temporary housing for the larger than expected freshman class.

Eleanor, American Studies, 2018: An anonymous public safety officer informed me that the Starbucks was damaged by a Molotov cocktail and the only piece of evidence left behind was a Rodrigue’s punch card.

Julia, IPE, 2020: Maybe Father McShane is still individually assessing each menu item to see how it advances Fordham’s Jesuit mission.

Roger, Accounting, 2018: Is it possible they forgot to order enough hot water?

Sophie, Political Science, 2021: Starbucks staff is losing 30% of their daily productivity from having to constantly give disoriented Freshman directions to JMH.

Henry, Psychology, 2020: At this point in the semester, it just makes sense to open the Starbucks in conjunction with the arrival of the class of 2028.

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Fordham Administrators make startling realization: “We can just lie and ignore facts to push our own agenda!”

Rose Hill- Members of Fordham Administration made a startling realization today while trying to cover their asses. After the events of last Thursday and this weekend (in which the Fordham community was again reminded that the well-being of its students and faculty is still a priority fathom below landscaping), the administration began to draft a response.

“We were nervous at first because ya know...we were going to have to talk about the whole situation! The whole ‘we aren’t paying our professors living wages’; or that  ‘we’re kicking students out of their homes without any sort of hearing’; the fact that ‘one of our Officers continued to press his full weight onto a much smaller female student of color while the other officers surrounded him and gave him enough room to move’... all that was going to make us look like real jerks.” said Grant McMahon, member of the administration. 

“But that’s when we realized -- we didn’t have to say any of that! We could just lie!” McMahon said with a twinkle in his eye.

“We all took a real hard look at ourselves and realized we don’t really have the moral fortitude to feel bad about not admitting fault or keeping our students informed. I mean heck, we didn’t even mention once what the protest was about!” 

When asked about the specific procedure of adding false information Grant exclaimed “I mean yeah, do you think we don’t realize that we genuinely denied our students the right to feel safe on this campus? We do! It would just be really hard to say that in an email and not be fired! So we just lied. That stuff about McShane being in an off-campus meeting to protect tuition? Total BS. He was at Chipotle! The line was really long!” 

Grant finished our interview by telling this reporter he played in the NBA for 5 years, despite his height being 5′2.

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20 Headlines for your Spring Weekend

Go Rams!

1. Fordham Student regrets wishing for rapper to perform at spring weekend  as her third genie wish

2. Faculty Senate gives CAB a vote of no confidence 

3. Entire community of adjunct professors surrender the rest of their paychecks to buy a better act

4. St. Ignatius descends from heaven and gives Fordham personal permission to hire a real rapper, even one who uses bad words

5. Timeflies: "We Don't Want To Do This Either But Our Curse Specifically Stipulates That Our Immortality Only Lasts As Long As We Continually Disappoint Young Adults"

6. Timeflies when you're waiting for the cyanide gas to shut down your body

7.Students angry about a concert they won't even remember

8.Father McShane Reportedly Throws Temper Tantrum that Nobody Wants to See his Favorite Band

9.Fordham female population forced to suppress fangirling to join mass angry mob

10.Fordham Students Irate Over Spring Weekend Performers While Indifferent to the Fact that Kim Russell Still Works Here

11. Fordham's Recent Mulching/Lawncare Package Came with a Free Timeflies Performance So Here We All Are

12. CAB, thinking they were booking time flies, accidentally books two youth pastors stuck in an airport.

13. Opinion: You Really Didn't See This Coming?

14. Lone Student in Library Pissed She'll Be Distracted by SupBar Band on Spring weekend

15. U2 to Fordham: Please Can we Play Again?!

16. CAB: Barry Manilow? Would that work?

17. Correction, Moonlight to perform for spring weekend.

18. Albanian Mob Reportedly Owed TimeFlies a Favor, MetroStation Found in the Hudson Wearing Cement Shoes

19. T-Pain Laughs From His Throne of Pussy, Drinks Deeply from Hennessy Goblet

20. FUEMS Spokesperson: "We're fucking terrified"

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METRO STATION TO PLAY SPRING WEEKEND...LIKE ACTUALLY

Hey guys, Ramtimetimes here. I know we’re a satire blog. I know with a headline like this, you might think that we’re kidding. But genuinely, Metro Station is the spring weekend band! CAB had to wait to put things out officially due to some issues with payment, but they tipped us and The Ram off and they should be posting something later today, but RTT had the scoop first! This is definitely going to get flagged and taken down in a few so spread the word!!!!  #MetroStationSpringWeekend2k17

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Father McShane to Hide Easter Eggs Full of Nickels for Adjunct Professors

Today, Fordham administration began advertising an Easter egg hunt to be held this Wednesday at 2pm on Edward’s Parade. This event is being held as a gesture of goodwill between McShane and the administration and adjunct faculty professors who have been mobilizing for better pay and work conditions for years now. The administration has high hopes for the event, including in today’s statement, “hopefully this’ll shut ‘em up.”

We at the Ramtime Times reached out to Father McShane, asking what inspired this event. He responded, stating “I have this mason jar by the side of my bed. It’s a pretty big one, I don’t remember what it was from but it still kinda smells like apples, so it might have been from applesauce or something like that. I don’t really remember. But I put all the loose change I have in my pocket at the end of the day into the jar, and when it’s a little over half full, I usually have enough money to buy a pizza. So I like to do that, it’s a way to treat myself, you know. And on Friday I noticed that the jar was almost full, and I saw that I had more than enough to buy a pizza, but not enough to buy two pizzas, which was when I noticed that if I took out all the nickels, I could still get a pizza. I didn’t really have a reason to check, I was just curious, but then I remembered the adjunct professors and the idea was born. I knew I’d have some plastic eggs left over after Easter, so it seemed almost meant to be.”

Adjunct professors around campus are thrilled. One professor who asked to remain anonymous stated, “I just hope I can find enough eggs to pay my rent.” Another professor responded, “Unfortunately I’m working my third job at 2 this Wednesday. Other than that, it’s a flawless plan.” One of the few disgruntled adjunct professors we talked to said, “I bet if they’d let us unionize, we’d get dimes. They’re worth more and more would fit in an egg.”

Students are discouraged from hunting for eggs, but we’re also not supposed to use condoms or speak freely, so it’s whatever.

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MAYOR DIBLASIO REGRETS INABILITY TO DYE HIS SKIN ENTIRELY RED IN HONOR OF FORDHAM’S 175th YEAR ANNIVERSARY

       In a recent statement to the associated press, Mayor Bill de Blasio expressed disappointment that the current state of technology prevents him from coloring his body entirely red. This comment was made in a press conference regarding the city’s decision to illuminate the Empire State Building in maroon light today in order to commemorate the 175th anniversary of Fordham’s founding, or, as it is frequently referred to, its dodransbicentannial anniversary.

       “Yes, the rumors you’ve been hearing are true,” said Mayor de Blasio. “I planned on injecting organic dyes into my epidermis for several days this week. When I heard that it was Fordham’s Doldrums Bison Tennis Shoe, I knew something big had to be done, something to honor the immense impact this school has had on America and the world. From its incredible number of successful and famous graduates, to its international renown as a bastion of national arts and culture, its tireless efforts to uphold American values, and its spotless record of 2nd Amendment support, Fordham really is the face of New York-based higher education. All my staff could offer was some silly colored lights up on the ESB (which honestly had more of a spiderman tone anyway), because unfortunately, safe subdermal dyes have not yet been invented, so I’ll have to save the skin thing for the next big milestone.”When asked if this display of pride may invite accusations of racism or cultural insensitivity towards Indians, Mayor de Blasio replied, “Well, let me start by saying, I think you mean ‘Indigenous Peoples’ rather than ‘Indians’. Secondly, of course not! 

        When I see the color red, I think Fordham University, and I’m sure everyone else does too. You can take your stoplights, your communism, your racist and harmfully inaccurate stereotypes; in this city, the color red has only one connotation, and that’s Fordham. If you don’t think so, you can go back to your NYU, or your Columbia, or your Julliard, or wherever else you may have received a substandard education. Go Rams!”

         On a related note, Mayor de Blasio assured the public that he will be making an appearance at the Clinton Hall opening next week hosted by the Rival, and is sure that it will be “bitchin’ beyond compare.” 

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Local Math Major Needs to Shut the Fuck Up About Pi Day

Sources report that Fordham Sophomore Jordan Smith needs to shut the fuck about pi day. According to his roommates and close friends, he has been repeatedly introducing it as a topic of conversation, regardless of context. One roommate (who asked to remain nameless) told the Ramtime Times that “he’s lost his goddamn mind. He woke me up at 1:59 in the morning because it was ‘pi minute.’” His other roommate, who pointlessly also asked to remain nameless, commented, “He’s lost all sense of reality. I woke up to an apartment strewn with math confetti. Strewn. It’s madness.” Unfortunately, Jordan’s mania has affected those outside of his apartment. Jamie, a classmate of Jordan’s, reported that Jordan was singing “Smells Like Pi Spirit” as he walked around campus today, totally unaware of the shame he should have been feeling. Jamie went on to say “My dad died last night, so I was pretty bummed. When I told Jordan, he just responded ‘Hey boo, more pi for you.’ I don’t know if the sentiment or the rhyming was worse.”

Confidential sources claim that Jordan does not even plan to eat pie today, wanting to “remain pure.” We at the Ramtime Times have tried thus far not to editorialize, but no pie? What a monster.

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Ramtime Times Writer Spends Semester Pondering Over Student Smoking a Cigar Outside of Loyola Hall

It’s been around three months since I’ve seen the boy in the red velvet robe smoking a cigar outside of Loyola Hall and not a day goes by that his image is even a touch erased from my mind. His tortoise shell aviator sunglasses pressed firmly to his nose, his chin slightly turned towards the sky, his white monogrammed slippers poised on the weekend-stained sidewalk. All that was missing was a black and white, perhaps sepia filter; a sleek, cylindrical glass of Jack, some scoobity bop music and (wooshy sound effect)! I felt as though if I sat down next to him I may have seen liver spots, the badge of life’s experience, on his hands, and if I leaned in close he would whisper an obscure meaning of life broken up by long drags of his hand rolled cigar into my ear.  I wake up every morning and ask myself, “Who was that boy man?” Perhaps an heir to the mafia boss of Belmont…. or Benji Button… or perhaps he is my long last uncle. “What are his goals?” Maybe it’s to never wear an un-matching pajama set ever again, or maybe to prove that his great granddaddy was innocent in the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln.

I can see it—a mafia boss of tradition. Dino Salvatore III. “New York is my bitch, Fordham is my bitch.” Tells his roommate that his family works for the waste department. Dresses in all black formal wear on the weekdays. A bunch of randos of the same aesthetic on the streets of the Bronx, pull him in and kiss him on both cheeks. One hand on his stomach, they murmur something to him under their breath and then gently slap his cheek, crinkled by a shit-eating grin. He walks into the caf and has his own station of imported salamis. Now he sat on this bench, thinking about his mother and what a saint she is. If I sat down next to him, I would have imagined him telling me, “Life… don worry ‘bout it. Whatever you want to do is between you and the Great Bambino of the sky.”

Benjamin Button is also a viable explanation.  Although he had a young face, he did not carry himself like a normal skid-stain teenage boy. He seemed as though he came from a place of knowing self-respect and the basic steps in sustaining civilized human life. He had tasted fine wine and enjoyed quiet nights in, playing Sudoku. He seemed to have aged backwards, much like our all-American hero Benjamin Button.  Now he sat on the bench watching all of us college fools, silently wishing he could interject even the slightest bit of common sense into our underdeveloped brains.  If I sat down next to him, I bet he would have said something like, “Life is like a whole bunch of chutes and ladders.”

He could have also very well been my long lost uncle. Never seen ‘em so I can’t necessarily throw him out right?   

Whoever it was, bottom line is this: It’s been three months. I’m starting to wonder whether I’m cut out for higher education.

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SJP Ban Trial “Pretty Fucked Up” Agrees Every Single Person on Earth

The Ramtime Time has made history by creating the first survey to ever be answered unanimously by every member of the human race. The survey measured public opinion on recent occurrences involving Fordham’s denial of club status to the Students for Justice in Palestine group. Senior Saphirra Lurie has been charged with a violation of Fordham’s Demonstration Policy in her protests against the controversial decision. Her guilt and punishment will be determined by Dean Keith Eldredge, the same man who made the choice regarding the SJP and filed the complaint against Lurie. On February 22nd, he will conduct a closed-door disciplinary hearing involving only him and Lurie, and has denied Lurie’s request to bring any form of legal counsel, including even a faculty adviser. Requests for a non-biased decision maker have also been denied.

Surveys were distributed in person to each human currently living. Asked if Lurie’s situation was being handled ethically, all 7.125 billion answered “Woah, oh my god, no, not at all, this is terrible.” Several notable historical figures rose bodily from the grave to answer the survey, and ultrasounds revealed that thousands of unborn infants across the world were frantically shaking their heads in disagreement gestures from inside the womb.

Several people surveyed asked for their quotes to be included in this piece:

“The Constitution was left intentionally vague in regards to some issues so that it could be interpreted by current legislators to address contemporary concerns. This is not one of those things. Like, it says pretty plainly, ‘Don’t do this shit. Come on.’” –  Alex Cleary, University of Pennsylvania ‘18

“The fact that the case is being tried by the same person who made the accusation is completely ridiculous. It’s the kind of thing that subverts the whole point of decency.” – Jessica Byrne, Texas A&M ‘17

“This is pretty fucked up, even for me. That girl needs to be given a fair trial.” – Joseph Stalin

“This news makes me want to kill myself right now.” – Bob Dylan

Dean Eldredge declined to comment on the hearing, but informed the Ramtime Times that he too answered our survey in accordance with the majority because “some truths are just too true to deny.”

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Local Snowman Teaches Students True Meaning of Valentines Day

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Alternative Fordham Slogans Released

For years Fordham’s slogan writers failed, trying to capture the essence of New York’s top Jesuit University in one witty line. The failed attempts leading up to “New York Is My Campus, Fordham Is My School” had been lost for years. But now, thanks to the tenacity and illegal activity of the Ramtime Times, the list of all of the rejected slogans is being leaked. Viewer discretion is advised, not because of any indecent material, just because these people really didn’t know how to write a slogan. Really missed the mark on these.

1. Fordham Is My Campus, As Well As My School 2. New York Is My Campus, That’s Why My Tuition Is So High 3. AMDG? More Like AIM Message Me! (2004) 4. New York Is My Campus, FUHGETABOUTIT 5. ‘Mi Campus’ Is My Campus, ‘Mi Escuela’ Is My School 6. New York Is My Campus, Queen’s Court Is A Cult 7. New York Is My Campus, Communications Is A Joke 8. New York Is My Campus, Hughes Hall Is My Rich Friend’s House That He Never Lets Anyone Into 9. Dah Dah Dahdahdah, Dah Dah Dahdahdah, Start Spreadin’ The News 10. New York Is My Campus, I’m Just Playin’ In The Sand 11. Maybe We Don’t Need A Slogan 12. Fordham. Like The Car Plus The Lunch Meat. Get It? 13. New York Is My Fordham, Campus Is My School

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Fordham Administration: "Please Remember Our Superb Third Amendment Record"

In a recent statement, the President’s Office of Fordham University looked to remind students about their excellent Third Amendment Record. The statement, released this Thursday, stated: “In light of recent events, we look to remind students that they have never once had to quarter soldiers. In the almost 15 years Father McShane has spent at Fordham, no one has had to house a soldier without their consent. Not even a Jesuit, and they are soldiers for Christ.”

This statement occurs on the heels of a recent banning of Fordham Students for Justice in Palestine, something many are calling another example of the limits of free speech on Fordham’s campus. When reached for comment about these accusations, the head of communications for the President’s office replied, “Really, we aren’t that concerned with free speech or really any of the First Amendments rights students might expect outside of Fordham. In theory, they are good things, but sometimes students want to say things or rally about things we don’t like, and that’s no fun. Really, we’d like to be known more for our Third Amendment record, which is impeccable.” When reached for comment, local Sophomore Anna replied, “Yeah, sounds about right.”

We at The Ramtimetimes like to avoid editorializing, but we would like to take this moment to commend the Fordham Administration for their Third Amendment abilities. That said, most of us live on campus but none of us have to get these articles approved by Fordham. You want proof? How’s this: “If Fordham students are upset about the housing policy, the treatment of reproductive rights, the First Amendments abuses, the refusal of the administration to comment on why they are raising tuition or implementing new rules, or really anything else, maybe they should come together and focus on the one thing they all have in common (the Fordham Administration and Father McShane) and see if new leadership leads to actual change. When reached for comment, the aforementioned Anna stated, “But he’s so nice during midnight breakfast.”

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Recent Alumnus Gladly Donates All of Meager First Paycheck to Fordham

Alumnus Alina Zhong, who graduated from Rose Hill in May, was genuinely delighted to have begun receiving requests for donations to Fordham this past week. The former English major, who lives on a salary that just barely covers the cost of living in New York City, was overjoyed to donate all of it back to her alma mater.

"It was heartbreaking to leave Fordham, and one of the worst parts was knowing that I wouldn't be writing a check for several thousands of dollars every few months," said Zhong emphatically. "Now I get to feel that rush again!"

"I wish the job market for recent graduates were such that I could afford decent housing, good food, and a successful start to my career. But as it is, I'll just have to settle for the euphoric experience of school pride!"

Fordham's Office of Alumni Relations responded to the gesture by saying that they would gladly name one of the campus' squirrels after her.

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Faculty Senate's Open Letter About Open Letters Fixes All of Fordham's Problems

This week, the Fordham Faculty Senate wrote an open letter condemning the Fordham Administration for its reliance on open letters over actual action in regards to past racial incidents and hate crimes on campus. The Senate took a bold stance, saying that Father McShane’s request that students “Be kind, in other words, to your classmates, and to yourself” was not enough to count as actually handling the issue. Instead, they flexed their role as the administration’s little brother that keeps trying to hang out with his brother’s friends by penning an open letter complaining about the open letters. It said “A series of so-called isolated incidents’ comes to look more and more like a culture urgently in need of some serious and painful interrogation of its persistent structures of racism. Open letters including the President’s and ours do not do enough to effect meaningful change.” Little did they know that this letter would make a world of difference.

A cynic might ask “Wait, are you really using the very thing that you say doesn’t work?” or “Give me a second, you say that Fordham needs concrete solutions, couldn’t you do that with this letter instead of proving you have no clue what irony is?” but that would be ridiculous. We at The Ramtime Times bet that that same cynic might think that the Fordham Faculty Senate is doing this more as a public relations grab than as an actual attempt to make change at this university, but of course we would all take said cynic out to the public square and mock him for being so idiotic.

While doing so, we would also remind him that the letter does have a concrete solution. The letter calls for the administration to make the Diversity Task Force’s (the organisation put in place to respond to racism at Fordham last year) report public. That cynic from earlier might say “Isn’t that once again shifting the blame to another group? Doesn’t it kind of seem like nobody wants to be the one to actually suggest anything but instead seems to want to draw this out long enough to get political points while hoping that students get bored or adjust to the situation?” At this point we are tired of talking to the cynic, so we are just ignoring him.

Luckily, The Fordham Faculty Senate didn’t listen to our cynic, because their letter has fixed racial strife at Fordham. It seemed unlikely that an administration that still hasn’t explained why tuition went up would take much notice (To be clear, the administration didn’t comment). And it also seemed unlikely that this task force made up mostly of the very Deans and administrators who got us into this mess would have some new solution to the problem. That seemed like a classic stalling technique, and maybe it was. We still don’t know what the task force found. In the end it didn’t matter, just writing the letter was enough.

Since the Fordham Faculty Senate’s letter was made public, there have been no major racist or biased incidents on campus of which we at The Ramtime Times are aware. That’s almost two days now, which is a big deal at Fordham. When reached for comment, Alexa (‘17) told The Ramtime Times “I’m just glad the Faculty Senate sent that letter. I mean other than the Lincoln Center Halloween decorations that started this whole thing and the racist email that white professor sent a black student, I can’t think of anything else super racist that has happened in the last week. I’d like to imagine that the Faculty Senate had something to do with that.” Alexa went on to say “Personally, I’d like to rename Alumni Court South ‘The Fordham Faculty Senate that Ended Racism’ building because I’m just nervous people are going to forget about these great two days the Senate has given us.”

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Fordham theater department to Fordham theater professor: “did you see the shows last season?”

Lincoln Center:  the entire theater department is collectively scratching their heads at a racially charged email sent by one of their professors. The professor chastised a student of color who was asking for an extension on a project. She claimed the student was falling into a stereotypical narrative as a result of his tardiness.

When asked for a comment, Fordham Theatre program director Ricky McGill looked perplexed. “What she said was uncalled for and disgusting, there’s no question about it. What’s just…counfouding to me is…did she see any of the plays we put up last year? I mean they were ALL about race. Like…what is she doing?”

Mr.McGill has a point, Fordham Theatre’s 2015-2016 season primarily dealt with race and “Reveal[ed] alternative strategies to transcend the abuse of power”. With shows about African-American police officers, an African-American girl trying to understand her heritage, and a play literally titled “White People”, many are curious if the offending professor bothered to watch any of these plays.

Derrick Cusano (LC ‘17) a regular usher at the LC mainstage shows, was able to shed some light on the situation. “Oh yeah, I’d seen her at a few of the shows last season, dozing off every once in a while, one time I even saw her leave the theater so she could get a box of Bunch-a-Crunch to put in her popcorn. I guess It kind of makes sense that she would have sent out that email…I mean it doesn’t, but at least she didn’t realize that she was in direct contradiction with what her department has been focusing on.”

Rachel Lindholm, Head administrator noted that “It’s really horrible that she said this, truly…It’s also kind of awful that she didn’t bother to see any of the shows from last season? Just to clarify my issues with her are in this order 1.Racism 2.Ignorance of the department 3. All those ellipses she used in the email? That’s how my great-uncle types up emails, come on”

We at RTT admit that we are upset that this happened, but to be honest, the professor is falling into the classic stereotype of a racist person, so who can we really blame?

Her. We can blame her.

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The RamtimeTimes Guide to Fall at Fordham University

Fall is a great season, but with so much happening in all of our lives, we at The RamtimeTimes have put together our top 5 activities to do this fall that will help you forget about the Fordham administration.

1. Pumpkins. Are you wondering if Fordham is still considered one of the worst universities in America for first amendment rights? No, you aren’t. You’re carving a pumpkin to look like Michael from the office. Problem solved. You don’t have to get that pumpkin approved by OSI.

2.Rolling in the leaves. With all of the trees around campus, you can definitely find a sweet pile of leaves and a grassy spot to roll in them. Just try to stay away from any of the dorms, or you might start to think about how Kim Russell still works here despite all of the reslife scandals.

3.Cider. Fall is apple-picking season, so use this as a chance to get outside and spend some time in nature. And while you’re there, drink enough cider to forget that the Faculty Senate has threatened legal action against Fordham administrators for breaking university rules and making risky investments to give themselves a raise at the cost of professor salaries.

4.Cuddle. As the weather starts to get a little colder and you start to text a lot with that guy in your theology class, have a comfy night watching a movie and cuddling with the aforementioned theology guy. Just don’t let things go too far, or you might start to think about Fordham’s abysmal reproductive health record and how long SAGES had to operate in secret like a pirate radio station in a banana republic run by a vindictive dictator.

5.Pull out your comfiest sweater. We all have that one sweater that is so warm and comfortable you forget that Fordham administrators still haven’t given a reason for the last time they raised tuition and won’t comment on the Faculty Senate's threat of legal action.

How do you forget about Fordham’s poor excuse of an administrative staff? Let us know.

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Fordham Football Defeats UPenn in Homecoming Game, Daydrinkers Find Out Afterward

Rose Hill – On Saturday afternoon at Jack Coffey Field, the Fordham Rams played their Homecoming game against the University of Pennsylvania. To show their support, football fans flocked to Edward’s Parade to drink in the temporary tent set up for the occasion.

Alumni clad in maroon shirts and ballcaps flocked to Rose Hill to participate in the festivities. “Look at that. They’re actually good,” said Tim Hardigan, FCRH ‘11, checking the score on his phone and nursing a Rolling Rock. “Maybe I should have gone.”

Fans were ecstatic with the victory, which they were told ended with a final score of 31-17.

“I heard we showed Penn State who’s boss! Penn State? No. UPenn. Yea, I heard we really gave it to them,” said Pete O’Hara, FCRH ’18.

“I was going to go, but I left after they confiscated my tallboy. It sounded like a great game, though,” he added.

“I kind of followed [the game]. They reopened the bar in the tent at halftime, so I knew when that was. And then I heard cheering, so that must have been good,” said Christine Russo, GSB ’17.

“What football game?” asked T.J. Dubus, FCRH ‘20.

After the game, Fordham head coach Andrew Breiner praised the fans for providing support and the motivation to keep winning games.

Enthusiasm for Fordham Athletics should continue into other sports as polls suggest that over half the student population is “interested” or “very interested” in pre-gaming Ram Town and “maybe going to a basketball game or two”—if there’s a t-shirt give-away, that is.