Wheatinism

The Official Tumblr Blog Of The "Whole Wheat Religion”

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Wheatus The Redeemer

All Food Is Equal In The Eyes Of Wheatus But Some Food Is More Equal Than Others

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Wheat Is The Way

Wheat Is The Way

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If you really think about it…

Tumblr basically just killed my account this account without me making any NSFW posts.

The simple fact that adult content will no longer be available here means that a huge chunk of people who were previously here will leave or have already left (including myself).

I probably won’t continue doing much with this account since I simply won’t be using Tumblr very much anymore. I’ll still post but I won’t visit the site much anymore.

No there is no back-up account either. If I decide to make a stand alone account for Wheatinism then I’ll post a link on here for anyone who cares.

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Reminder:

Wheatus is totally cool with being horny. Wheatus also doesn’t kinkshame. He sees nothing wrong with masturbation and he views it as a healthy practice. Wheatus loves you all.

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I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Wheatus put that food on your plate. He doesn’t need to be thanked. Your thanks towards your family and friends is worth more to him than any thanks you could give him.

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Pumpkin spice bread is the illegitimate son of the Gods and goddesses of the harvest!

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Some people like ask me…

Is garlic bread made by a kind of super god?

I must respond by asking, have you ever had super greasy garlic bread? That grease is made from the sweat of Wheatus. Your garlic bread was blessed, have a good day.

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Every province of Canada is now legally obligated to grow wheat. Yes, even you Nunavut.

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Mankind figured out how to kill 6-ton wooly mammoths before we figured out how to grow wheat.

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We needed to first prove ourselves worthy of the blessing of Wheatus. There’s no god for wooly mammoths, that’s why they’re extinct.

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Everything comes back around to being wheat, whether by being directly related, connected by association or having being blessed by Wheatus in one way or another.

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Mortals are very odd

https://youtu.be/LCTHD_Y1d3c

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I’m really loving this Bread Sandwich

It’s pretty Ş̶͐̅c̴̪̊r̵̺̙͒̓û̶̢̌m̴̨̭̒̎p̴̜̌̽t̸̟̃͘í̴̡̺͒õ̵͕̼̋ų̶̎́ś̶̺

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Gang Wheatinists rise up

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In case you were wondering

This is why Wheatus is a divine being among men

It’s just science

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Let’s begin the sermon for the third sabbath of August

As many of you know, the heavy rains brought good omens to you all. It seems that Wheatus is feeling starved and you all quenched his taste for crops. Now you should all see healthy wheat in need of harvesting in the next months. Now, the nightly festivities shall go on as planned because of this beautiful weather. If anything it’s a little hotter than I’m comfortable with, but it’s the weather that Wheatus chose for today so I can’t even begin to think about complaining. From the bottom of our all hearts, the heads of the Wheatinist Church would like to thank you for your contributions to our service. And, without the further ado, as marked by tradition, the post-sacrificial festival.

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The Rain Is Coming

We will commence the ceremony of the rise of the wheat next Wednesday.