The Rita Review

If you don't have anything to be hide, you shouldn't have anything to be afraid of.

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What are your bets for Head Girl and Head Boy next year?

Before this year, predicting Head Boy and Head Girl was easy as it was always the most studious and serious and respectable prefects of the last year. After Dumbledore’s sudden appointing of Potter, well, I’m not quite sure. 

For Head Girl, well, Amelia Bones hadn’t decided to leave so early, I’d imagine she’d be a viable choice. As would Narcissa Black or Olivia Wood. For Head Boy, maybe Regulus Black or Dorian Carmichael or Declan Vane. 

Or maybe Dumbledore will pull a wild card and we’ll get a pairing like Sara Corner and Evan Rosier. 

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Word on the street is that Black dumped McKinnon and now they're history...without even a good dramatic situation to tie it to. Guess the lions in the tower really can't learn how to get along for one day, let alone keep us entertained anymore.

I don’t know, their falling outs are actually quite entertaining to me— but they also get old fast. 

But, my dear little readers, you’re naive to think that something didn’t happen beyond our knowing for this to happen— as if those two would ever willing stop with the massive display of public affection? No no, something caused this, and though I’m not quite sure what, it had to have been big, heart-breaking, and ultra dramatic to break those two apart and keep them that way. 

How unfortunate, though. It looks like poor Black can’t catch a break.

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What's up with Sirius Black? It seems like there's more than just exams stressing him out these days

It is more than exams stressing him out these days. I mean, that poor boy— estranged from his family and his own parents, his friends his only allies and the Potters home his only safe haven… and then tragedy strikes. Not only has he lost extremely important people but the effects of loss are now pushing his friends away too. How long has it been since you’ve seen the whole gang together, hmm?

Lonely lion, stop fighting— it won’t do you any good. 

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Hogwarts going to miss you!

And I’m going to miss Hogwarts! The drama, of course, rather than the work because Merlin knows I’m absolutely sick of that. 

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Is it true Amelia Bones is taking her NEWTs now and is going to and ditch on 7th year?

That is what I heard, though I don’t know how successful she’ll be. Amelia Bones is smart but missing on a year of Hogwarts seems like a very drastic and impromptu move, as if she’s only doing it to avoid something. 

But might I say, I’ve got a load of respect for that Amelia Bones. All of that drama in her love life— with her on-again off-sing relationship with Rabastan and seeing him day in and day out in class, on the pitch, around the castle— and instead of letting it get to her, she decides to throw herself into her studies and graduate early. 

… Or wait. Or maybe graduating early is the solution to her problems. Maybe graduating early is the cure to the heartbreak. It definitely would explain the rather rash nature of her decision, wouldn’t it? 

Good luck to Amelia on her NEWTs. No matter the motivation for her decision, I only wish well upon her. I mean, after such a quick decision from such smart girl, it’d be terrible to have to stay behind and deal with exactly what she wanted to escape— only because she’d gone ahead and flunked. 

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Vanity/Greengrass bitch-off session in the corridors. A lot of low blows being thrown, a lot of scowls being passed back and forth. Any word on who's coming out on top or what caused it?

Oh, trust me— I believe everyone in the castle knows what you’re talking about. 

It started when Beatrice made the mistake of bringing Emma’s boy-toy into the mix after Emma had dashed poor Bea’s innocent betrothal dreams.

Come on, Vanity, the expected “if he’s of good breeding and good looking, then who cares?” conversation is a must for a young pureblood girl before finding out who she’s shackled to for the rest of her life, so was it necessary to be so cruel?

I know you have the grasp on reality to know what Beatrice is telling herself is definitely not true, but let the girl believe that she can find love through an age old system where mommy and daddy know best. 

As for coming out on top, in a argument like that, can anyone really win? The only thing we can learn from this is that this probably won’t be the last face-off between those snakes. 

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I saw Lucius Malfoy accept some Honeydukes from a brunette witch. Is it possible Narcissa has dyed her hair?

Last I checked, Narcissa Black still had her signature locks, so it seems that there’s someone joining the list of girls vying for a little of Lucius’ attention.

And just when we thought Malfoy had a thing for blondes. 

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Amycus and Emmeline had an interesting little run-in...

As far as I knew, Amycus didn't take a liking to loud opinionated muggleborns, so I hardly think 'interesting' is the right choice of word here. Maybe you're thinking 'short' or 'unpleasant' or even 'detrimental to one's health'? 

Correct me if I'm wrong. 

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Haven't heard anything about Tarasova going after Galvin Gudgeon. Do you think she's accepted him or could Marie Fay be hiding something from her best friend?

Though Tarasova is extremely anti- 'any emotional relationship that lasts more than a night', it seems as though she's given up on trying to convince Marie Fay of this and accepted that she should stop sending threats to her best friends boyfriend. 

This doesn't mean it's all smooth sailing, though. Rumor has it Marie Fay and Clara had quite a screaming match the other day in their dormitory. Over what, I can't say, but it seems these two still have some hurdles they can't seem to cross. 

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The Carrow twins have hardly been see together all year. Trouble brewing in the family?

I think you're mistaking these twins' relationship for the Greengrass'.

Amycus has been going on outings with any Slytherin girl he find and Alecto is busy with what Alecto is best at, keeping people in this castle in their place. Though they aren't together, you need not worry much. I mean, family doesn't have to be attached at the hip.

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Why don't you ever talk about your life? Is it really so boring you have to live vicariously through the stories you tell here?

If I wanted to write about myself, I’d be a novelist— not a journalist. 

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Spotted: a completely wasted Remus Lupin stumbling up to his common room and getting locked out. Guess we know why he's a marauder after all?

We all knew there had to be a reason Lupin ran with the likes of Potter and Black, and it’s about time he started showing his true colors. Just because he’s a prefect doesn’t mean he’s perfect. I’m sure the 7th year Slytherin counterpart he’s started getting awfully chummy with can vouch for that. 

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I saw Gilderoy Lockheart with a note from an admirer. You don't think he's going to settle down do you?

Settle down? Oh my lovely readers, not to worry— the day that boy settles down is the day I stop writing. And you and I both know that’ll never going to happen. Gilderoy is far too busy with his many many activities for a single love in his life. It'd take a very very special and possibly nonexistent girl for that change.  

A tip to all the admirers, though. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, is it not? I suggest sending some chocolates his way if you must send anything. Dark chocolate, preferably. He loves it.

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What secrets are our lovely classmates hiding?

If you don't have anything to hide, you shouldn't have anything to be afraid of.

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You've been awfully quiet, please tell me it's because you're cooking up something good for the end of the year

Well, you know what they say... 

The best things in life are the things that take you by surprise. 

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Don't you think it's disgusting Rodolphus Lestrange wasn't expelled?

Sickening, really. How many times will attacking another student go unpunished, hmm? I seem to remember incident recently where a black-hair and crazy-eyed pureblood got off scot free after their dark magic crimes. 

Isn’t the power of daddy’s status just magical? 

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I don't know what's going on with Caradoc Dearborn and Sara Corner, but I saw them sneaking off castle grounds together.

Caradoc Dearborn and Sara Corner? The resident bad boy who’s getting on everyone’s bad side and our quiet little hufflepuff who never does wrong? They’re definitely opposites and opposites do attract— but something about this pairing worries me. Maybe it’s the fact that one of these two speaks too loud and proud, and one doesn’t speak up for herself at all.

It’d be a shame if someone’s careless actions and pride ended up doing more harm for a certain lady in yellow than good.