[thescruffygirldiarys]

I get so fucking fustrated when my mum fossicks and throws things away in my room, because ive asked her probably 10000 times (at least twice or more a day) to please not do that, since i hate things being thrown away since it triggers my OCD and i have to be careful about how i do it, and i dont like things being moved without a reason, as i rely on my vision from my bed to know where things are when im bedbound.

Whenever i ask for help and cant get off my bed so i need her to sit in my room, she does the same thing, then gets so angry because im "ripping her a new one", but im literally asking, for the millionth time, to please not do this thing ive asked her to stop doing EVERY SINGLE DAY and that she wont stop doing even when i explain and explain and explain why i hate it, why she should understand why i hate it, since i got the ocd FROM HER, but she doesnt fucking care and just gets angry at me and leaves me alone in my room when im in so much pain or high symptoms i cant fucking leave but really need her help. Its fully abuse and it makes me so suicidal and afriad, but she refuses to not be a fucking idiot and listen, she just gets offended and becomes worse than a brick wall.

Ive had to scream and cry and shout her down for HOURS just to get her to fucking LISTEN, when she promices she'll do better, and then she goes back to it but even worse, even more hateful. She literally only cares if i self harm, and then she just gets angry. She makes me so upset i have tried to kill myself after she does this and there is nothing i can do to make it stop. When i kill myself i hope someone finds this, and knows it was her, and how she abused my dad untill he literally got backed into a corner and left, and then she abused me. She acts like shes such a good parent because im disabled and autistic and she "takes care of me", but she literally just stops me from starving. When i was vomiting all day every day with gastropariesis she would shout and scream at me when i had panic attacks and begged and cried for help.

This is so someone knows why i self-harm, why im so suicidal and why there is nothing i can do to escape this. She wouldnt spend more than 10 minutes with me in a day if i didnt ask her to. She sends my "sister" to "check on me" even when she completely ignores me and walks away no matter how sick i am because she just keeps asking if im "Okay" untill i agree (very sarcastically because what the fuck) and then closes my door and walks away so i cant make myself heard if i vomit or need help.

She thinks shes such a good mum but shes neglectful, doesn't care about my consent and acts like i hurt her when she gets too close to me or touches me when i tell her not to, or just does exactly what ive told her not to do.

It is the 12th of February. In 4 days i loose the only person who actually spends any real time with me to go away to school, and i will go back to being ignored, cut off and abused with no outlet or comfort. I want to die but i dont want him to feel like his leaving was my last straw. I told my mum i was suicidal and shes actively making it worse. I want to die and if i could i would.

When i die please see this and know i tried to stay for so long and so hard, and she broke me down at every chance to help me. She let me get so sick because she wasnt prepared to stop telling the drs i have anxiety or ptsd or autism, even when i couldn't eat or drink and they were activly dening me care because of what she was telling them, even as i begged her not to. I hate my life, and have nothing left because of her negelct and abuse. She technically keeps me alive, but i might as well have died when my gastropariesis first got bad.

Please see and know i talked to her about this, and she'll probably apologize but nothing will change. Her negelct and abuse will never change, not even after my death. She'll still blame me after im gone, and will never accept it was her fault, the same way as it was her fault my dad went fucking nuts because she cant just listen and change.

I just?? Please take my ashes to some fun places, because all i ever got to see was this house, and this negelct

[ilikeit-art]

Artificial intelligence makes accurate sheep counting.

[halfgayfullgayconsequences]

[benignhumor]

[0lemat]

[mikeybooch]

Some more ancient world Star Wars. 

[milsae]

Happy New Year 2023!

[upyrica]

She is the sun of the crimson skies, veiled in madness. She is the one who burns the hand outreached, and the one who lights the path. She is the fountain and the waterless desert, wine and vinegar. She is the painted corpse, holy and rotting. She is the wisdom of passion and the blindness of desire. She is the jewel, and she is the soil in which it is found.

[gemma-antiqua]

Ancient Greek wreath of golden oak leaves, dated to the 2nd to 1st centuries BCE. Source: civilization.ca.

[robot-dogs]

happy pride!!! reminder that all robots are gay ♥️💛💚💙💜

[toxtricity-amped]

Him happy!!

[profmeowmers]

i’ve found it, the promised land

[notsweettea]

[anarch-witch]

[floridaoranges]

I’ve been here! There a truck stop and a diner. In the women’s bathroom there’s a fully clothed statue and if you try to pull down the pants, an alarm sounds in the whole diner.

[pleafromacatnamedvirtue]

Reading this post is like having a stroke.

[thescruffygirldiarys]

DUA TA- SEDGEMET, WHO WE REMEMBER

i have known this mummy my entire life. she is currently housed in the auckland museam, and i used to visit her regularly. i love her to bits, and i want to share her name and image to keep her memory strong. 

[lovetop-moved-deactivated202206]

the waitress says he’s a regular. brings a lot of friends, too

[applequilt]

[rabbitinthemeadow]

Free, now, from the ailment that laid you once so low

[thescruffygirldiarys]

to my dear anubis, my heavenly father.

i feel you in bone in my hands,

 smooth and chalky.

in the rich soil only death and decay can bring

you mark my hands.

in the weight of the creatures, 

dead far before i find them,

heavy in my arms.

i sing them soft songs,

and your praises are in my voice,

that i may give them rest,

and life eternal.

father, you cradle me

and tell me that i must not worry

that death is for us all.

i sing your praises in soil in bone

that i may

one day, 

rest with you.

[thescruffygirldiarys]

whats the deal with veiling in kemeticism? is it a thing, or is covering ones head not necessary when interacting with the divine? 

[amntenofre]

the Goddess Bastet in Her form of sacred cat playing with Her kitten; detail of a bronze statuette; 664-332 BCE. Now in the Louvre Museum…

[ghostlywitching]

My newest sigil that I’ve been working on- not only a sigil to help stop procrastinating and get to work, but also one that lessens guilt for taking necessary breaks and time to relax. No time is wasted time, whether you’re hard at work or taking a step back to reevaluate and recharge. Who knows what might happen in the meantime?