When has the World ever let us win a dare?

Pretty much unedited stuff I wrote about my favorite books! Just for fun, hope you enjoy:)

[cryathon-deactivated20250118]

Yo, I literally can not wait for the Chaos Walking Movie, mostly because I wanna see Daisy Ridley beat the shit out of Tom Holland with a stick

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

ok but i love tom

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Todd and Viola

     I should get back to camp soon. It’s nearly dusk, and the shadows are growing longer on the pines, the firs, the boulders by the shore of the stream. Dew is collecting on the stems of grass that prick my palms as I run my hands through them. I’ve been alone for hours, among the trees and flowers, riding Juliet’s Joy up and down the rocky hills that I found solace in while Todd was asleep. The horse is restless now. She shakes her head and her mane whips the sides of her glossy neck. Her hooves knead the fertile ground, bare without its grass that she has chewed while she waits for me. I lean my head back against the rough boulder. I think of Todd. 

     This morning he came to me, out of his tent, while I was cooking breakfast. The smoke from the fire was rising slowly with the sun, which shone on Todd’s face as it moved between clouds. It made shadows on his collarbones, his sharpening jawline. I could see his ribs and ropey muscles through his thin shirt, it was as if I could see his heart beating. I knew he was walking towards me even as my back was turned--his Noise keeps no secrets, just the way I like it. I could see myself in his Noise as he sat wordlessly next to me, see the way the curls in my hair were dancing with the summer breeze, the way he liked that. I reached out a soot-covered hand toward his own curls, thick and unruly, wild like my Todd has become. I stroked them, rough as Angharrad’s hair, between my calloused fingers. His Noise told me he was aware of my every move. 

“You should cut it,” I said. 

He touched his rough hand to my own and slowly brought it down into his lap. He looked at it closely, moving his thumb in circles around my palm, a tightening spiral. At the center, he stopped. 

“Here, I’ll do it for you.” I said. 

I stood and walked back to my tent, returning with a pair of fine scissors I had taken from the supply closet back at Mistress Coyle’s camp all those months ago. I sat again next to Todd and gently, ever so gently, picked up the first lock of his hair. I raised the scissors and listened to the smooth slish as they cut through, and Todd’s hair fell into the grass. I continued until the pile on the ground was the same size as what was left on his head. 

I looked at Todd. I could see his face now, see the furrow in his brow over his dark eyes and the hardness of his jaw. When I touched his face, he kissed me. It was only our second kiss, but it did not feel that way. Still, the kiss was like Todd, brave and honest and true, and incredibly loving. And so it meant something to me. 

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

reminds me of Todd

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

i've been praying and these are what my prayers look like; dear god i come from two countries one is thirsty the other is on fire both need water. later that night i held an atlas in my lap ran my fingers across the whole world and whispered where does it hurt? it answered everywhere everywhere everywhere.

From “What They Did Yesterday Afternoon” by Warsan Shire

[hendowskiii]

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Todd Hewitt-The Knife of Never Letting Go

My name is Todd Hewitt.

I was born on New World after my parents came here to start a new life. My father was killed in a war with the native people, and my mother died of illness.

I was raised by two brave men called Benison Moore and Cillian Boyd. I grew up on the farm. I fed the sheep, and I did the chores.

I grew up in Prentisstown. I never learned to read. I never had any real friends of my own except for a ruddy dog named Manchee. I never knew anything but what I was told, which wasn’t much. I’d never seen a woman or a girl.

When I was 12 years old and had one month left ‘till I would be a man, I heard a break in the Noise. I told Ben, and everything changed for me. Forever.

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Viola’s thoughts

{Viola}

Everything’s different now.

I mean, obviously. When has anything ever stayed the same? I mean really?

But this is completely different than anything I ever expected to happen.

I barely ever think about it, how everything got to be this way. I was just a girl on a ship. All I ever knew was there, on a piece of metal hurdling through the black beyond to a planet I could only hope would be home.

But now I’m here, and I’ve run through the forest and I’ve fought with my bare hands and I’ve killed a man with a knife that wasn’t my own and I’ve ridden horses into battle and I’ve healed the injured and I’ve been shot and I’ve nearly died dozens of times.

But I’m still alive, aren’t I?

I didn’t die, but it feels as if thousands of others died for me.

And now it is my duty to lead them.

I can’t do it alone.

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Todd after waking from a coma

[Todd]

Everything’s different now.

I guess I shoulda known that. I shoulda figured that nothing’s ever gonna be normal, nothing’s ever gonna stay the same.

But I never even thought this was gonna happen.

I’m back, I’m alive, and that in itself is an amazing thing, ain’t it?

I didn’t get to die like I’ve been waiting to do for the past 13 or 14 or however many years.

No, I didn’t die, and not only that but I’m more alive than I’ve ever been in all my life.

I can hear everything, and not just Noise.

I can hear the wind speaking, and the grass and the trees whispering. I can hear the voice of the Land.

But the world don’t just sound like one jumbled up mess anymore. It sounds whole.

Ben says the Land is the reason I’m here, reason I’m still alive. That 1017— the Sky—

the Spackle who killed me even when I insisted on saving his life again and again, killed me, and then brought me back to life. I oughta thank him, I spose. But I ain’t gonna.

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Responsibilities

“Viola, you have a visitor,” Ben says with a warm smile. Todd is sleeping right now, he was so exhausted when he woke from the coma that he had to rest instantly.

But he’s alive.

He’s alive.

And his Noise is still there as he sleeps and it’s a lovely thing to hear.

But I can there is other Noise over Todd’s that’s coming from just outside the tent.

Lee.

I run outside through the flap of the tent into the cold air.

“Lee!”

“Viola!”

Lee opens his arms and sweeps me up into them, twirling me around in a circle. He smells like he’s cleaned up a bit since he came back from his journey. Like he cleaned up to come see me. In his Noise, I look beautiful and bright, nothing like how I look right now. And I can see there’s so much love for me there, so much care for me and so much happiness that I’m alive and all right.

But there’s a new sadness, too.

And then I remember that some of the explorers in his mission were killed and I feel selfish for forgetting.

“Oh, Lee,” I say, hugging him harder. “I’m so sorry.” He takes a deep breath and sets me down on the frosty grass, but he doesn’t take his hands off my arms. His left hand finds my hair and strokes it.  I try not to think about how matted it is.

“Todd…” he begins.

I nod, but then I remember lee can’t see me nodding, so I say “Yes. He’s alive... he’s awake.” And my eyes fill with tears and I can hardly speak just thinking about it.

Lee smiles. I can tell he’s happy. Happy for me, if nothing else, but I know he’s happy for all of us, for everyone here, because Todd saved us, and I know he will do it again and again. But then Lee’s tone changes.

“You have to talk to them, Viola, you have to address your people.” “Why do I have to address them, like Mistress Coyle or the Mayor would? I’m one of them, I’m not their leader,” I say, but a part of me agrees with him.

“You’re not like the Mayor, or even Mistress Coyle, but you have to do this, Viola. You saved us. You saved everyone. And your people are waiting to hear from you. You can’t just act like none of this ever happened.”

“I’m not going without Todd,” I say.

“But Todd doesn’t have the strength yet!” Lee insists. “Besides, these people don’t even know who Todd is—”

“They’ve lasted this long without me. They can last a few more days. Todd deserves this. He may not want to lead, but I’m not separating from him ever again. Never. Todd has power, Lee. And now he has a deep connection to the Spackle. Just like Ben does.”

I look over my shoulder to see Ben standing behind us, leaning against a tree trunk and pretending to build a fire. As if he would still be trying after the ten minutes Lee and I have been talking. He looks up innocently and smiles. Classic.

Lee sighs and gives me one last hug.  “You are the most stubborn person I have ever met,” And his Noise is pulling me towards him, trying to reach inside and see what makes me work.

But I don’t have Noise to show him. 

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Then the girl speaks up and says that thing that suddenly makes me think of her as Viola and not 'the girl' anymore

The Knife of Never Letting go by Patrick Ness

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Across the Bridge 3/3

The hoofbeats are coming so close, I know I have to do something. I don’t know why, but we’re in danger. 

Then I remember the box Bradley gave me before we left the ship all those months ago. 

The box he gave to me not only because it could keep me warm but because it could keep me safe. 

I open my pack and take it out. I know that if I do what I’m about to do I won’t have the box anymore, won’t have a source of warmth anymore, but what will happen if I just stand here and do nothing?

Bradley gave me instructions, so I know what to do. I don’t forget things very easily. 

I press a button on the side of the box that loosens the metal, and then I tear the box open. I run to the bridge and pour the lighter fluid all over it, trying to move as quickly as possible. The boy is watching me. I can tell because I see a picture of myself pouring the liquid coming from his direction, I can also tell that he’s confused. 

I take a deep breath, and before I can go back on it, I throw the box off the cliff into the river below. The bridge catches fire instantly, and I run back as fast as I can toward the boy. I jump on him and push him to the ground. 

He’s shocked at what I’ve done. 

The bridge blows up, it a huge, gigantic explosion of fire and sound. Soot and debris and sticks cover me and the boy. 

When the smoke clears, the men on horseback are visible across the chasm. I don’t know who they are or what this means, but the boy is just thinking the Mayor.

The first man on horseback, the tallest and the cleanest, steps forward. 

“TODD HEWITT!!” he yells. 

And I can’t deny it, it’s scary. It’s powerful. I can see that these are the first words the mayor has ever spoken (or yelled) to Todd in particular. 

“We are far from finished, Todd Hewitt.” The mayor says. And it seems like he’s thinking it too, just as strong and clear. 

Then without another word, the men ride away into the thicket of trees, kicking up dust as they go. 

The boy--Todd--is breathing heavily. 

“Wow,” he huffs, clearly shocked. “What was in that thing?” 

But I can’t speak to him. But I know I should. 

He is disappointed. He looks into my face then looks away. I think I scare him. He’s so strange. 

Then I know what I have to do. I know I owe it to him and he owes it to me. We are allied. 

For the first time in days, I speak. 

“Viola,” I say, and my voice cracks because I haven’t used it in so long. 

Surprise shoots into the air as Todd realizes I have spoken to him. He whirls around. “What??”

“My name,” I say, trying to look braver than I feel, stronger than I am. “It’s Viola.”

“Viola,” he repeats, like it’s a foreign language. I nod. 

“Viola,” he whispers, almost to himself, and I can hear it repeated all over his thoughts, layered on top of itself. 

I don’t say anything this time. How many times does he have to say it to know it’s true?

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Across the Bridge 2/3

The knife isn’t working. It’s barely made a dent in the rope, which must be coated in some sort of resin. The boy is losing it now. He stands up and runs his hands through his dirty hair. The sounds coming from him are like red fire. 

Suddenly, I am scared of him.

His noises are raging so red I take a step back, like the sounds will burn me. 

Then they do. 

He comes up to me, knife in hand.  “THIS IS ALL YER FAULT!” he yells “YOU AND YER STUPID SILENCE! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF NOT FOR YOU!” His dog is running around and barking is name like crazy, no doubt set off by the insane magnitude of his anger. 

I don’t know what to do. How can he think that there’s nothing inside my head? What is this place where keeping your thoughts inside is so abnormal? He’s so mad that I’m scared he really will hurt me, despite the fact that he saved my life.

I’m starting to back away, thinking about where I can run...

but then--

but then he does something strange.

They boy strikes himself instead of me. He hits himself in the face. And he does it again and again and again. His face is swelling and his lip bursts and blood trickles down his chin. I keep hearing yer nothing yer nothing yer stupid yer nothing over and over and over.

And I don’t know what to do. 

Because he was going to hurt me, he was.

But he hurt himself instead.

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

Across the Bridge

We make it across the sturdy bridge safely, but the men on horseback seem to be coming closer by the second. It was my first time ever crossing a bridge. I barely got to enjoy it. 

I don’t know what these men want from us. But what did the man in the forest want from me? 

Is the boy...is Todd dangerous? 

But he saved my life.

He’s just a kid like me. 

And something about him tells me he’s not the enemy. 

But we have to think fast. Todd has a knife, so maybe...

He seems to be thinking the exact same thing as I am because I hear knife,knife,knife over and over and cut, and the mayor. 

He’s panicked. I try not to feel the same.

The boy runs to the edge of the bridge and starts sawing at one of the knots of rope with his knife. I don’t know what to do with myself, so I just stand and watch him. He’s sweating, going faster and faster, and I am surprised that he doesn’t seem terrified, just angry. And frantic. 

I’m still surprised I haven’t spoken to him yet. After--

After the crash...my voice just wouldn’t come out. I was scared for my life for so many days, it just felt like I had no voice at all. The boy helped me, and I couldn’t speak to him. He’s angry that I won’t speak to him. He’s confused and he’s embarrassed that I can hear him, but I haven’t spoken for days, how can I start?

And why can I hear all his thoughts in one big jumbled up mess?

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

If There Was part 1

My back is pressed against the tree trunk, its rough bark is digging into my skin. I clutch my knees to my chest and press my face into them, making myself as small as possible. Something is wrong. Something has happened that was not supposed to happen—and that something has something to do with me, I can feel it. I hear two metallic booms coming from the direction of the settlement. The settlement I have been too terrified to get anywhere near. 

Because what if they are all just like the man?

The man I saw yesterday, whose voice I could hear even when he wasn’t speaking

 Whose words seemed to tumble out of his head into thin air. 

Who wanted to sacrifice me. 

As if he hadn’t seen another human in his life. I—can’t even think about him right now. I can’t imagine him coming for me. I’ll be too scared to even run.

When I hear footsteps, running footsteps, I begin to shake. I can hear the cracking of branches and an odd shrill sound…it must be a dog barking. 

And I can hear voices, too. One voice, but not the spoken kind. The kind that spills out over everything and is full of so much information it feels like it will eat you alive. This voice is younger than the man’s. And it’s scared. Panicked. Terrified. 

And then so suddenly, before I can even get the chance to run, an animal—the dog, bursts out of the bushes, and he seems to be barking “Todd! Todd!” over and over and over. I can hear the voice running this way and I’m terrified and I’m going to die and I can’t even run and I just raise my hands up in front of my face, as if I know how to fight. 

When I look up, though, I don’t see the crazy man. I see a boy. A boy who can’t be any older than I am. And he looks just as scared of me as I am of him. But he’s holding a knife. A shiny, jagged knife with a serrated edge that looks like it could do more than just kill.

His voice is still for a moment, and then immediately fills with asking marks, and all kinds of words and pictures—of a town full of broken down shacks, of a farm, of sheep, of a man, of many men, of an explosion, of the knife, and then of me, cowering in front of him with my hands up. And the words coming out of the boy are saying  Ben and Cillian and Aaron and Spackle, Spackle Spackle, and It ain’t a Spackle. and Girl. It’s a Girl. And I don’t know what any of this means--

And then the boy speaks. And he just says “It’s a girl,” again. And there’s real shock in his voice and real amazement like he's just staring into my soul and seeing every part of me and really taking in the sight of me. It’s as if—

As if he’s never seen a girl before. 

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

When Todd Wakes Up 4/4

(Todd)

Her body comes crashing onto me and her hair is right in my face just like before and my hand won’t move so I just breathe in and breate in and breate in the feel and the smell of her--

And my Noise--my voice wraps round her like it’ll never let her go.

“Todd.” She whispers. “Todd.”

And that’s my name, ain’t it?

And another voice wraps around mine and says My Son. My beautiful, strong son.

It’s Ben.

It’s my father.

My Son. He’s saying, his face wet. Thank you for coming back to us. 

[thesecrettoddhewitt]

When Todd Wakes Up 3/4

(Todd)

A voice is reaching over to me outta the air and it’s touching mine. 

And it feels like warmth, and it feels like love. And it it feels like--

Ben.

So I push and I reach and I push--

And I’m falling--

Falling into Ben’s voice--

And my chest is just burning and rasping--

but it feels lighter, too.

I feel lighter. 

And I’m seeing--

I’m seeing outta my own eyes--

Viola.

Am I dead?

{Viola}

A rasping sound comes out of Todd’s throat, but I can tell that he’s not in pain. I can feel his body and his Noise connecting. I try to reach over him but Ben lays a firm hand on my back to stop me. My heart is beating so fast and I can hardly breathe, but I know I can’t get my hopes up...just in case.

And suddenly I feel a clear presence--

A crystal clear voice all around me--

joining the millions of Spackle voices around us--

And Todd’s eyes are moving! They’re moving!

And they’re seeing me--

And then--

“Viola”?

 in his voice and in his Noise.

And I am so happy I could fly.