My Voice Was Heard...Thank YOU!
A Woman’s Right to Express Herself
Over a small course of time in my life, I was a victim of sexual abuse. I was, what you would call a “lost soul” and found myself in situations and repetitive patterns that at some points in my life, I thought it was “normal” to be assaulted sexually or looked at because I was “just pretty”. I lost my sense of who I was on the inside, I stopped caring about my body or maybe I never really did cared at all back then or taught to know how to care about it. I grew up thinking that this was the usual. Men gawked over women and this is how we get them to love us? Let them do and say what ever they want over us and make sure to ask permission from them to do anything we would like to do as well! Right?
WRONG.
This brings me to the Women’s March on January 21st, 2017.
I was in my yoga teacher training over the weekend but I was never more proud to be an American, nor can I remember a day that I felt more proud to be an American. Just as my rights, as a woman, were taken from me as a young girl as a victim of sexual abuse…my voice was finally heard by over 3 million of you!
It was a time of Union in which I haven’t seen like this, ever.
I’ve seen comments by other women being calling other “disgusting” and “tasteless” and read comments like, “the old man in picture is happy. Lol” (in reference to shirtless feminist radicals) (the man was there in support nor was he looking at them but whatever) (sure these extreme feminist are annoying but at least they are doing something about what they believe in) - - - Looking into the mirror would help to see that maybe what you don’t like about what you are seeing is something that you don’t like about yourself. Yes, we have moved steps ahead for women’s equality and gay rights but we have the potential to fold and have them taken away...again? Fuck THAT…we must keep making progression. I know, because I was a victim…and if my daughter, or son for that matter, God forbid go through anything without their permission that they would be able to have the rights and the choices to do as they wish over their bodies with tremendous support!
It took me YEARS to finally speak up on what happened to me as a young girl. I remember too, how liberating it was to say it no matter what anyone thought about me! I am so very very tired of apologizing for who I am and what I am about. I have not only found my voice but I tend to offend those that haven’t found theirs and I am tired of apologizing for that too. I want to SCREAM from the rooftops because that wasn’t an option for me when I was young…it wasn’t “lady-like”. It was a “put-up and shut-up” technique out of fear that got me nowhere…this is how it is. AGAIN,I am also tired of caring what others think! I put my foot down. Period! Think what you will, talk about me if I embarrass you. I am not a radical feminist stripping my clothes off and screaming but at the end of the day, what is it to you if I did? What is it to anyone who I love, what I do daily or what I am about? Its my choice and I am tired of people telling me it isn’t! At the end of the day, I am a good person, I am a woman raising a daughter and she has a RIGHT to speak up about HER body and what is rightfully hers and my son will absolutely know how to treat a woman and respect her body.
This is a HUGE reason why I was so relentlessly sexually charged, didn’t care about my beautiful vehicle (my body) for so long and why I have mental health issues i work on a daily basis. No one knows my battles more than me so who are you to tell me I can’t fight for what I stand for? I had years of never speaking. Never say fucking “NO!” Just fucking NOOOO!!! I won’t go into detail about what happened to me but now looking back, never speaking, I would grind my teeth so badly at this time my entire jaw locked up. I physically put myself into non-verbal arrest and it physically hurt but not as much as what hurt me emotionally by not processing anything through! Why would I want this for my baby girl or our future little girls or gays or...fill in the blank. These women are MAD, and they channeled their anger in healthy ways this weekend! I would RUN. I ran and I had permission to RUN. I never faced it, never forced to look it in the eye and spit in it’s face or simply work through this issue. Sadly, we stop doing things like dancing and playing because our innocence is taken away, why dance? What is there to dance for? Sadly, I woke up one day and looked in the mirror, I remember thinking…”who are you?” and regretting the gifts I never used as a dancing. I remember I shut myself down because I had nowhere to go, no one to talk to because I felt ashamed…I wanted to die. I didn’t want anyone to think I was as “dirty” as I felt. NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!
YOU were my voice Saturday.
YOU were so many voices Saturday.
YOU marched. Not copy/paste on facebook. YOU marched for them too.
YOU marched for race, gender, transgender, culture, humanity.
From the bottom of my heart, I am in deepest gratitude for marching for everyone’s rights to be who they are and authentically express yourself in the way you felt without apologizing for it.
Love, Peace & Light to ALL living beings on this precious Earth.
Tai