A letter to my 5-year-old niece.
Alina Karabaich, Copywriter
As you’re working your way towards GirlBoss-Hood, I hope your experiences as a woman are different than mine.
I hope you don’t see toys and games as “for boys” or “for girls.” Everyone deserves the thrill of twirling in a princess dress on a windy day and of chasing a friend with a fire-breathing LEGO dragon.
The same goes for emotions. Guess what? Big girls do cry. So do big boys. And little ones. It’s okay to feel happy or sad or angry. If we didn’t have the bad emotions, we wouldn’t appreciate the good ones. Experiencing emotions does not make you a weak or naive woman. Or man. So, even if it’s not your party, cry if you need to. Or just watch an episode of Parenthood. It’ll do the trick.
I hope when you see another girl, your first inclination is to compliment her, not judge her. If we want society to empower us, we have to first empower each other. Competition for jobs, sports, or awards is a good motivator. Competition for attention is petty.
I hope you never use “weird” as an insult. In the wise words of America’s Weirdo Sweetheart, Amy Poehler, “No one looks stupid when they’re having fun.” If you’re tempted to throw out a “They’re weird,” replace it with “They’re having fun.” And then go join them. No sex has a claim on creativity. And no boss can overlook a smart, creative idea. You start out with an active imagination. Don’t lose it along the way. Stay creative. Stay weird. Be nice to other women.
While you’re at it, be nice to men too. Being a strong, independent woman has nothing to do with hating men. If a man is condescending or disrespectful, that speaks to him as an individual, not to the sex as a whole. Be nice to everyone, and then let the ones who are nice back stick around.
Just as you shouldn’t insult others for being different, I hope you don’t insult yourself. Never spend more than thirty seconds in front of a mirror. You don’t have to assume you’re the fairest of them all, but you also don’t need to pick yourself apart. Know that just because it looks good on a hanger, doesn’t mean it looks good on you. Every body type has its advantages. To look and feel your best, you have to dress for yours. And if you happen to have inherited mine, avoid ultra low-rise jeans at all costs.
On that note, I hope you never base your self-worth on a comparison. Just as we all have different body types, we all have different strengths and weaknesses. Don’t ever think you aren’t capable of something because you’re a girl, or because you’re short or tall, athletic, artistic, or any other trait. But you don’t have to be the best at everything. Find people whose strengths are your weaknesses. Instead of being jealous, partner up with them. Just think of Oma and Grandad. She’s short. He’s tall. At the grocery store, there’s no shelf they can’t reach!
In twenty years, I hope this letter feels archaic. I hope sexism is never a part of your life. That no one tells you that you can’t succeed because you’re a woman, because you want a family, because you’re not as smart, strong, or powerful as a man. But if anyone does, I hope you use it as ammo. Then, one day, when you’ve got your feet propped up in your corner office, with a baby on your lap and an award in your hand, you invite them over and ask, “What exactly is it that I can’t do?”
When you’re my age, I hope someone asks your office how many women work there, and they don’t know because they don’t care. That you learn from our mistakes, so your generation can close the gap and find better things to talk about than the differences between girls and boys.
Above all, I hope that if you ever need a boost of girl power, you know there’s always one person you can turn to: Beyoncé.