One Day, Some Day I will hit that Lottery!

My self appointed mission to to get fit and healthy.

[theskinnylottery]

I've made better choices!

I have made better choices this week and last week as well.

I've eaten more salad in these past 6 days than I have in the past 6 months! I am really trying my hardest to eat less carbs but it definitely is hard to say no to certain things when I have had it all my life. My plate has always been at least 50% carbohydrates. CARBS ARE EVERYWHERE! CARBS ARE THE DEVIL lol!

Emotionally "diet" wise I feel better. I feel less constricted and I feel less stressed out about what I put into my mouth..less guilty as well. I am gravitating more towards healthier options than usually. I also received my menstrual last week, Im not sure if it was because of the lower amount of carbs or just because its been way over due lol.

Next week my fitness level will be kicking way up as I will have more freedom to "GO, GO,GO!".

[theskinnylottery]

Sometimes I wonder am I confident or just too lazy to care?

When I look through my clothes to try and fish out stuff that still fits me I feel disgusted and I dont feel like going out but at the same time I dont nitpick my body. I like my body, I dont feel healthy on the inside but I like my body. Could everything be upgraded? Yes but I dont stare at the mirror all day and pretending to liposuction my fat off.

Maybe Im just too lazy to care..I mean that is how I got here, how I got to this size..

Laziness.

[theskinnylottery]

Transitioning To Health: Phase 1.

Soooo, Im back again for the third time.

And I've been struck by the health angel. I am getting back into eating healthier..pause, truth time, I totally ate a very yummy and unhealthy burger just two days ago but anyway..I have become RE inspired to eat healthy.

I have researched Nutristystem and decided to sort of create my own. A balance diet but not too restrictive right now. Since I have PCOS I am going to focus on eating fewer carbs(especially processed) than I usually do. In the past when I have reduced the amount of carbs I ate, not only did my menstrual cycle kick back in I also bloated way less and I was still drinking VERY sugary drinks and eating processed white carbs.

I will be doing 3 "phases" to become the healthy person that I know I can be. 

For Phase 1 I will reduce my processed carbs, eat 3 meals a day, eat A LOT more green veggies, drink way more water and reduce my portions.

Phase 2, I will focus more on counting calories and carbs. Why not start that now? Well because I will become obsessed and overwhelmed, unfortunately it happens every single time. Hopefully by next month my intake of carbohydrates should be even less than now(August).

Phase 3 will be IIFYM aka Macros pka Macronutrients based diet. I am not sure when this phase should start. I am thinking 4 months from now? Maybe January? 

I want this to sort of be like rehab..a tortoise and hare race..slow and steady. By jumping all in I will risk drowning myself and I just cannot afford to continue to start over another 5 times. I have been at this since Middle School, I use to do Winsor Pilates in my room, doing crunches on my Gunnar Peterson ball and taking 3 "natural" diet pill because I ate too much.

[theskinnylottery]

When you want water a rock is useless, but its the best thing in the world when you want to keep something important from flying away. - Dont judge yourself.

[theskinnylottery]

I am back, with several confessions.

I posted my first post back in Jan' and I did not loose one single pound. Never really tried to. I exercised for 1 week straight in April but that was it. No eating healthy, no #gymflow, no sweat dripping from my face.I have no reasons why I did not try and I'm not going to make up any, that just isnt what I do.

Although I have finally come to the realization that I do suffer from anxiety. One weekend in the month of May I cried in my bathroom two nights in a row and if you knew me personally you'd know that I am not a "crier". I dont know why I was crying I just felt so overwhelmed. It came out of no where. I've had bad anxiety my entire life but I am not going to talk about that right now.

Soo I am trying out the "If It Fits Your Macros" method..better known as #iifym. I have yet to hit my macro nutrients perfectly. From tracking my macros for the past 3 days I found out that I eat very little protein and a lot of carbs. I am struggling to get my protein beyond 20%!! But let me say something about me + calorie tracking..we do not get along. Tacking calories is very triggering for me, I have not been diagnosed with an ED but every time I start any sort of food diary I obsess over food. Doing iifym is a little more relaxing, Im not always thinking about food but I do feel guilty when I dont hit my macros perfectly. I do feel guilty when I eat certain foods and I NEVER usually feel guilty after eating.

The only time I have ever felt guilty after eating was when I binged on cake 3 nights in a row while watching the Olympia 12'(a fitness competition) but again thats another fucked up story lol. I am going to see how long my sanity will remain on this "diet". Hopefully I will stick to this.

I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist at the end of July which was actually originally made for May but I cancelled because I knew I did not drop any weight. The doctor asked me to loose 20lbs back in October. Cant wait to see their disappointed face. Oh well shit happens or doesnt actually happen at all.

[theskinnylottery]

Don’t make the mistake of healing the internal problem, with an external fix.

[theskinnylottery]

It's more than just jeans.

When I was 13 I went to the mall with my mom. I entered a popular teen store at the time, I was all smiles since it was my favorite store. I reached for the first cute pair of denim jeans in my usual size. 'Light wash' with destroyed details. Sadly those jeans did not fit. Tried on another pair, darker wash with minimal details..that did not fit either. So I went up a size and then another size but after the forth pair of jeans I gave up. I was crushed and bitter.

I took a few steps out of the store and my Mom asked me "Whats wrong?", my lip quivered and I softly mumbled "nothing" and than began to cry. I cried over something so little, so superficial but see it wasn't the jeans it was the feeling of not being comfortable in my own skin. I tuck that moment away deep down into my heart putting on a brave face every time I enter into a clothing store, buying accessories because I know for sure I will "at least be able to fit those".

Now here I am 7 years later a snug Size 16..an 18 when I'm truthful with myself. Diagnosed with PCOS 3 years ago and insulin resistance late 2013. What happened? How could I'd let myself slip so much? I ask myself these exact questions almost every day. Well now Im here to challenge myself, I want to become healthy and loose weight. Looking good in a nice pair of jeans is really just a bonus but a cool tumblr name I must say.