brianna

writing helps clear my thoughts

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"i convince myself every day that i don't need anyone. taunting myself into believing i deserve nothing but hatred and coldness thrown my way. always cautious about love and people who cared."

--- i've twisted a lot of things (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

“it is possible i have created this monster inside myself. i have fed it over the years my anxieties and fears, every bad thought i have ever had. my thought is, i’ve given it too much and it’s stronger than i could ever be.”

— some days i feel so cold (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

“the places i’ve gone to during my dreams, they feel so real. almost as if i belong there, stuck in that time frame.”

— i would give anything to have that all the time (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

“some days i don’t even know why i’m living...”

— maybe i’m just done with all of the games (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

“i can’t help but wonder if i’m the reason we’re sinking in this ship together.”

— (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

“it feels like there is nothing left in me. there’s no fire to keep me going, everything has gone cold and dark. i’m alone and i don’t feel like me at all. not anymore...”

— (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

“i’m trying to get my shit together but it’s hard when everything wants to keep falling apart.”

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"there was always something in me that had wanted more. didn't matter what it was, i just kept on wanting more. smoking weed until my brain hurt, drinking until i'm numb... i don't know why it is but there is this hole inside of my heart i just can't fill."

--- why do i have to be this way? (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"i wish imagining things didn't feel like a vague dream in my head i can't quite control yet."

--- i try to think about you but my mind wanders so much (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"i had a dream you left me. you chose her over me. you told me you were bored with me, that i didn't make you feel as happy as you should. so you run along to her and forget about me, never even answering my calls."

--- it felt so fucking real, god even the crying felt painful (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"how am i supposed to live with myself? everything i do leads to mistakes being made, people getting hurt. no matter what i try to do to help fix people's problems, it always comes back to bite me."

--- caution tape all around me (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"every time i dream of you, i end up alone. you'll walk out of the room without saying a word to me and i'll spend the rest of my dream wandering, searching for you."

--- i'm scared you're going to leave me (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"what is killing me tonight is a thought i've always dreaded thinking about... the fear of losing her. the person i love most. the person i trust most. my heart can already taste the heartbreak just thinking about it."

--- have we set course for destruction love? (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"time is always ticking. it annoys me. it bothers me to the point where i feel as if i don't have enough of it. i know i keep wasting my time, when will i ever learn."

--- old habits die hard (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"how long before the people i love most turn into a memory i can't revist anymore. what happens when i can't remember the important things or the little things? i want to remember them the best i can but no matter what i do i fail each time."

--- i'm losing people again and again (@thethoughtsofthelonely)

[thethoughtsofthelonely]

"to be quite honest, i don't even know why i smoke anymore. i used to because it gave me this rush... almost close to how i felt around you." she says in a hush tone, taking a drag of her cigarette.

he breathes in a heavy sigh, "i know you miss me... but we can't see each other."

--- how i wish i said good bye (@thethoughtsofthelonely)