The Trans Desi

Just an Indian trying to figure out my gender identity and place in this world. 23, currently they/them, ftm?, Texas

[sortofsufficient]

me: always wanted to play the boy parts in literally anything and everything, enjoying the hell out of every time that my mom let me wear boy’s clothes, whenever someone had mistaken me for a boy i was over the moon

also me: but how can i be trans if i never exhibited signs as a kid :/ 

[oscar-is-now-wild]

This is me enjoying my flat chest 92 days post op

[singhisqueer-official-deactivat]

Fuego 🔥

[lgbtqi-support-equality]

The only time you use a trans person’s dead name is when it helps keep them safe

[tremendoustrashavenue]

Remember, no matter where you are in your transition, nobody can tell you who you are but you.

[plainish]

Kolkata Rainbow Pride Walk 2017 🏳️‍🌈

[vindictiveterse]

Reblog if you’re indian/desi and you’re trans and/or queer

Also i need some advice on short hair

[thetransdesi]

I’m non-binary (ftm questioning) and rocking the short hair (imo lol). Hit me with any questions!

[thetransdesi]

Figuring Out the Right Identity

A few days ago I asked some of my best friends and my girlfriend to use they/them pronouns for me. However, this just hasn’t felt right either.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I’m 23 years old, live in Texas (and with my parents until July), taking a gap year before starting medical school, and assigned female at birth. You’d think by now I’d have my gender figured out. I don’t. All I know is that when somebody calls me a girl/lady/woman, or when I have to wear “girl” clothes, I feel hella uncomfortable. I’ve always felt like this, being a “tomboy” since I was young, but only recently have I thought about the label “trans.”

So (naturally?) I decided to start using they/them pronouns. I have been doing this with my acquaintances at school for over a year and a half now- but recently brought it close to home- kinda coming out to my best friends and asking them to use they/them pronouns also.

But it still doesn’t feel right.

For a while, my girlfriend has been referring to me a boy playfully- she will call me “Sir” and tell me I’m looking like a “handsome man” today. And I’ve liked it. So she keeps doing it (10/10 for supportive girlfriend right here!). And now I’m thinking- what if this is actually me? It has felt right with her- why not with others?

And man (pun intended), that’s hella scary.

So now I’m considering re-coming out (for like the 6th time- first Bi, then Gay, Queer, and most recently/currently Queer and NB/GNC). And that brings a lot of fears. What if I change my mind again? Especially after medically transitioning. And it was hard enough talking to my parents about how I am attracted to women- how will I ever explain my gender to them? Throw this into the context of large desi families and a huge community of aunties and uncles, including at our temple. Transitioning, especially medically, is not something that goes unnoticed.

Is this me? Am I a trans man?

I don’t know.

If it is, am I brave enough to face the challenges?

I don’t know.

This is where I leave the post for now. With a thousand tags- so hopefully people going through similar experiences may find comfort in knowing they aren’t the only ones with a million questions and fears.

Journal Entry 1: February 24th, 2019 at 6:47 AM

My journals will be tagged with #thetransdesijournal from here on out.