I'm honestly not sure if i'm trans so I have some questions... Is it possible for cis people to have gender dysphoria? I'm lesbian and honestly I don't feel happy in my skin. I'm 21 and i've had feelings that I might be a trans guy since I was 14 or so. I've pushed them back, and haven't even had the courage to come out on my tumblr that no one I know has. It was traumatic coming out as gay and i'm afraid of how i'll be treated by my family. When I think about being a guy, I get really happy but am disappointed because I don't think I ever can. I really wish that I had been born a male and it sucks. I tried being butch but it just isn't the same. I want people to treat me like a guy. I've pushed this so far down that no one even has any idea I feel like this. Everyone says that eventually each person finds their place in the world but I don't feel like I can ever be what I want to be.
Hello there - weâve decided to go ahead and answer this, however, we should point out that the following represents our mods opinions based on their experiences as transgender people. It is by no means professional advice and we urge anon to seek out advice from a councillor, gender dysphoria specialist, or other mental health professional if they are able to do so. We feel this is a very important step before making any big personal decisions about your gender identity and presentation.
That being said, it is very normal to feel unsure about being transgender. Many people come out later in life, and this is often due to uncertainty as much as stigma. Even people who are trans and are very sure of their identity (like us) ask themselves questions and feel uncertain from time to time.
We feel the decision to identify with any label, whether thatâs transgender, cisgender, or neither, is a very personal one. If you feel more comfortable describing yourself as cis, or trans, or something else we encourage you to do so; at the end of the day this is about your wellbeing and your relationship with yourself. You need to do whatâs best for you on this one.
Weâre so sorry to hear youâve been struggling, and from the sound of things, have had trouble sharing that with others. No one deserves to suffer alone, and if it helps at all, we can assure you that a great many people would relate to your story.
Thereâs no rush to come out, and weâd like to stress that your first priority should be your own safety. If you donât feel comfortable and safe coming out now, it is best to wait until you do. You might try building up in small steps: telling us about it was a great start. Speaking about it online when youâre sure it wont get back to your family will very likely improve your confidence, and even help a few likeminded people.
It will take time and consolidation to be 100% sure of this, but it does turn out you would be happier as a male, we want to assure you that you can be a boy. There is no such thing as too late to transition, so donât put pressure on yourself to have all the answers right now. Your job right now is to allow yourself the mindset of âanything is possible, so what do I actually want?â
You seem quite overwhelmed, and to honest that is normal. However, something that can help with this is simplifying your experience down into what the next thing you need to do is. In your case this might just be figuring yourself out. Now you have a goal, you need to identify what steps you need to take to achieve it. For this goal, the steps might be:
talk to transgender people and gender non-conforming people about their experiences
seek out resources on gender identity and therapy (we recommend this book, as a starting point)
put time aside for honest and compassionate self-reflection, perhaps with a journal or art, anything that helps.
we hope you are well, anon, and well done for talking about your experience to us. That was a brave move. Weâd also like to encourage our community to show anon some love in the comments.
take care and good luck - mod Syl and Dahlia
