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@thetranspositivitycafe
Welcome to the Trans Positive Café
This is a blog for positivity, reassurance, and encouragement for the transgender and non-binary community. My aim is to share love and support for my community in a space dedicated to that purpose, that is free of other content. I hope you enjoy your time on the blog as much as I love writing for it.
If you have a request, suggestion, or comment please do drop us an ask and we will be happy to help you.
Sincerely, Moderator Sylvester (they/them)
Hi there! We’re back for a brief update:
Thank you so much for your patience as we’ve taken this prolonged hiatus. I’m so pleased to announce that after a busy time of collecting ideas and starting new jobs we are ready to start posting again. Mod Dahlia and I look forward to bringing your fresh content soon.
Love, Mod Syl
I'm honestly not sure if i'm trans so I have some questions... Is it possible for cis people to have gender dysphoria? I'm lesbian and honestly I don't feel happy in my skin. I'm 21 and i've had feelings that I might be a trans guy since I was 14 or so. I've pushed them back, and haven't even had the courage to come out on my tumblr that no one I know has. It was traumatic coming out as gay and i'm afraid of how i'll be treated by my family. When I think about being a guy, I get really happy but am disappointed because I don't think I ever can. I really wish that I had been born a male and it sucks. I tried being butch but it just isn't the same. I want people to treat me like a guy. I've pushed this so far down that no one even has any idea I feel like this. Everyone says that eventually each person finds their place in the world but I don't feel like I can ever be what I want to be.
Hello there - we’ve decided to go ahead and answer this, however, we should point out that the following represents our mods opinions based on their experiences as transgender people. It is by no means professional advice and we urge anon to seek out advice from a councillor, gender dysphoria specialist, or other mental health professional if they are able to do so. We feel this is a very important step before making any big personal decisions about your gender identity and presentation.
That being said, it is very normal to feel unsure about being transgender. Many people come out later in life, and this is often due to uncertainty as much as stigma. Even people who are trans and are very sure of their identity (like us) ask themselves questions and feel uncertain from time to time.
We feel the decision to identify with any label, whether that’s transgender, cisgender, or neither, is a very personal one. If you feel more comfortable describing yourself as cis, or trans, or something else we encourage you to do so; at the end of the day this is about your wellbeing and your relationship with yourself. You need to do what’s best for you on this one.
We’re so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling, and from the sound of things, have had trouble sharing that with others. No one deserves to suffer alone, and if it helps at all, we can assure you that a great many people would relate to your story.
There’s no rush to come out, and we’d like to stress that your first priority should be your own safety. If you don’t feel comfortable and safe coming out now, it is best to wait until you do. You might try building up in small steps: telling us about it was a great start. Speaking about it online when you’re sure it wont get back to your family will very likely improve your confidence, and even help a few likeminded people.
It will take time and consolidation to be 100% sure of this, but it does turn out you would be happier as a male, we want to assure you that you can be a boy. There is no such thing as too late to transition, so don’t put pressure on yourself to have all the answers right now. Your job right now is to allow yourself the mindset of “anything is possible, so what do I actually want?”
You seem quite overwhelmed, and to honest that is normal. However, something that can help with this is simplifying your experience down into what the next thing you need to do is. In your case this might just be figuring yourself out. Now you have a goal, you need to identify what steps you need to take to achieve it. For this goal, the steps might be:
talk to transgender people and gender non-conforming people about their experiences
seek out resources on gender identity and therapy (we recommend this book, as a starting point)
put time aside for honest and compassionate self-reflection, perhaps with a journal or art, anything that helps.
we hope you are well, anon, and well done for talking about your experience to us. That was a brave move. We’d also like to encourage our community to show anon some love in the comments.
take care and good luck - mod Syl and Dahlia
Order up! Hot Chocolate for the lovely @naomi-frances
Our collage is based off Naomi’s personal self-description and some of her interests. She is a blonde, young intellectual who likes plants, books, piano and spending time with her friends. Based on her personality we’ve imagined her as a social, light-haired academic who has a warm toned, soft and slightly romantic personal style.
Here are Naomi’s personal goals, and our suggestions for each:
To step out of the apartment feeling confident and beautiful
Confidence in ourselves is something which develops over time, and is not a linear path. Do not therefore put pressure on yourself to feel more confident all the time. Small steps are a really good idea, for example heading out with a small accessory that you love and makes you feel cute, then building up from there.
Remember that you are an intelligent, beautiful worthwhile young woman and we certainly all think so.
To have loving and supportive friendships where her friends see and accept her gender identity
A good friend will always support your goals, and love you through thick and thin. It’s okay to assert your boundaries to your friends, and ask they respect them just as you would respect theirs. This could include a name, or pronouns, or other ways in which you are referred to
It can be nerve wracking to open up to friends about our journeys in gender, and there are lots of things to consider. As long as you feel safe, however, we would encourage you to. Communicating with your friends and being honest with them about what you need is the best way to preserve those friendships in the long term
To do all the things she loves - reading, playing piano and gardening - as the fullest form of herself.
You are, of course, already Naomi and in practicing each of your lovely past times, you are Naomi in action. You have always been and will continue to be exactly who you are. We really encourage you to have fun, and enjoy being yourself, and doing what you love consciously
In achieving your goals, and becoming the best version of yourself, looking forward to living your life as that version is very positive and we’re very happy for you. Making a list of your goals and forming a plan of how and when you want to reach them will help you feel more on track.
Might we also say how wonderful Naomi’s goals are. We think they’re entirely achievable, and hope they bring her much joy. Naomi has also shared that her recent experience of expressing her womanhood has been tremendously empowering. We could not be more proud of her, or encouraging. Congratulations on stepping into your identity and your best life, Naomi. You are far stronger than any hate. Walk with your head held high.
We’ve passed 100 followers this week! Hooray!
We are so very happy you’ve decided to be here, and are looking forward to writing more posts for you very soon.
We’d also like to indicate our menu ask game to our new members! The concept is that you pick an item from the menu, and then order it through our ask box. Anonymous asks are welcome, and you can make any specification to your order that you’d like.
Thank you again, and have a wonderful day
Mod Dahlia
Hey, I have a question for you just sort of in general bc I like asking this question to people since I always get a lot of different answers and it's neat to hear about them! What is gender to you?
Hello anon, what an interesting question. Both our mods decided they’d like to put into this one:
Sylvester: I think gender is both a complex social exchange, and an internal state of self. My own experience is as a gender fluid person, and I have always felt that my gender is a part of who I am, as much as the colour of my eyes for. So I prefer to say I am gender fluid, rather than I identify as gender fluid. No disrespect to those who say “I identify,” I think that’s a personal preference. I move between three rough states of thinking of myself, male, female, and agender. My self image changes each time I ‘shift’ between one and another.
Dahlia: I identify as trans feminine. I guess to me that means I express traditionally feminine traits and behaviours in my personality and social role, and that goes against what is expected of my ASAB where I’m from. I feel most myself and happy when I’m around other women and am adressed as a woman.
A short but important list of the lovely things about my nonbinary gender identity
It gives me hope
It fits me perfectly
It shows other nonbinary people that they are not alone
It shows the non-believing that queer gender can and will exist
It gives me the freedom to be myself
It gives me the vocabulary to explain my experience to others
It allows me to access support specifically helpful to me
It introduced me to a chosen family
My gender identity is a joy, and a privilege. I will not be ashamed of something that gives me so much.
Courage in this community is sometimes a loud voice in a parade, or a brilliant flag high in the breeze, or a work of art, or a song. It is campaigning and celebrating. It is joy and triumph and perseverance.
But it is also a quiet exhale, and the belief that tomorrow will be better. It is the deciding to keep going. It is accepting help. It is choosing independence in the face of adversity. It is a million quiet, invisible struggles that are fought and conquered everyday.
We see you, and you inspire us.
Hi there, lovely person. It will get better, I promise. The clouds will clear. You will find your way to a life that makes you happy, I truly believe that. Hold your head up, and try again tomorrow.
Hi! I just wanted to say I really love your look today. That haircut suits you, and that outfit is fire. You wear your gender absolutely wonderfully.
You are allowed to feel how you feel. Whether you’re happy, sad, angry, confused, elated, dysphoric, euphoric, or disorientated, you are allowed to feel. Never let anyone tell you different.
i am so happy i found this blog omg, what an unexpected and lovely addition to my morning
Thank you! We’re so happy you found us, too
So, you were rejected by someone, and they let you know that their primary reason was your being transgender.
Take a second, and recognise that not everyone sees you and your value the way that person has done. Acknowledge that there is someone out there who will love you for your whole self, and that you will find them. Know that the opinions of others do not come close to painting a complete picture of who you are, and that if people can’t see your worth, honey? They aren’t worth your time.
A small reminder that it is absolutely okay if you feel uncertain of your gender, or simply outside of your socially prescribed box. You don’t need to pick a label if you don’t want to. You can find a label or a group if that is what you want. You are 100% allowed to just be who you are.
What a lovely day to remember that transgender people have always been here, and always will exist. You are a part of a complex and awe-inspiring history which we are still discovering and building every day. How cool is that?
I am literally never going to get tired of talking about how much I love the transgender community. Y’all sparkle so goddamn hard. You go, you funky little gender non-conforming babe.
Hey! So, you’re a transgender person and you’re about to start you new job, or your first day at school, or college, or you’re starting out in a new place, huh
You are vibrant, and wonderful, and necessary. You are going to shine here, I just know it. You are going to achieve all your goals and build something amazing. You are a valuable part of the community where you are, no matter where that is. New things are scary, I know, but I have total faith in you. You’re going to have such a good time, and make new friends. It’s going to be great.