B Dylan Hollis greatest one liners warning NFSW
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He makes my day!
I watch these with my kid and refuse to explain, ever.
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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almost home
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@thetreeswestofhere
B Dylan Hollis greatest one liners warning NFSW
š¤£š¤£š¤£
He makes my day!
I watch these with my kid and refuse to explain, ever.
oh, to be a fifty-year-old jewelry store clerk when three youngsters (a jock, a goth and a hipster pot-head) enter your boutique. oh, to see them looking at expensive wedding bands. oh, to politely ask them their range of price, only to be answered,Ā āeh, it doesnāt matter much.ā oh, to swallow your surprise and help that gentleman choose two expensive but simple wedding bands. oh, to come back home that night and tell the anecdote at the dinner table.Ā
oh, to be a fifteen year-old hockey fanatic at that dinner table suddenly struck with the forbidden knowledge that jack zimmermann is planning to propose to his boyfriend sometime soon.
An SR-71 Blackbird once flew from LA to Washington DC in 64 minutes. Average speed of the flight: 2145mph.
āThere were a lot of things we couldnāt do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact. People often asked us if, because of this fact, it was fun to fly the jet. Fun would not be the first word I would use to describe flying this plane. Intense, maybe. Even cerebral. But there was one day in our Sled experience when we would have to say that it was pure fun to be the fastest guys out there, at least for a moment.
It occurred when Walt and I were flying our final training sortie. We needed 100 hours in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. Somewhere over Colorado we had passed the century mark. We had made the turn in Arizona and the jet was performing flawlessly. My gauges were wired in the front seat and we were starting to feel pretty good about ourselves, not only because we would soon be flying real missions but because we had gained a great deal of confidence in the plane in the past ten months. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was, finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet.
I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, with no really good view of the incredible sights before us, tasked with monitoring four different radios. This was good practice for him for when we began flying real missions, when a priority transmission from headquarters could be vital. It had been difficult, too, for me to relinquish control of the radios, as during my entire flying career I had controlled my own transmissions. But it was part of the division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. I still insisted on talking on the radio while we were on the ground, however. Walt was so good at many things, but he couldnāt match my expertise at sounding smooth on the radios, a skill that had been honed sharply with years in fighter squadrons where the slightest radio miscue was grounds for beheading. He understood that and allowed me that luxury.
Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, far below us, controlling daily traffic in their sector. While they had us on their scope (albeit briefly), we were in uncontrolled airspace and normally would not talk to them unless we needed to descend into their airspace.
We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot asked Center for a readout of his ground speed. Center replied: āNovember Charlie 175, Iām showing you at ninety knots on the ground.ā
Now the thing to understand about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep, professional, tone that made one feel important. I referred to it as the ā Houston Center voice.ā I have always felt that after years of seeing documentaries on this countryās space program and listening to the calm and distinct voice of the Houston controllers, that all other controllers since then wanted to sound like that, and that they basically did. And it didnāt matter what sector of the country we would be flying in, it always seemed like the same guy was talking. Over the years that tone of voice had become somewhat of a comforting sound to pilots everywhere. Conversely, over the years, pilots always wanted to ensure that, when transmitting, they sounded like Chuck Yeager, or at least like John Wayne. Better to die than sound bad on the radios.
Just moments after the Cessnaās inquiry, a Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his ground speed. āI have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground speed.ā Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna brethren. Then out of the blue, a navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on the radios. āCenter, Dusty 52 ground speed checkā. Before Center could reply, Iām thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million-dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it, olā Dusty here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows what true speed is. Heās the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet. And the reply, always with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion: āDusty 52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground.ā
And I thought to myself, is this a ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios. Still, I thought, it must be done - in mere seconds weāll be out of the sector and the opportunity will be lost. That Hornet must die, and die now. I thought about all of our Sim training and how important it was that we developed well as a crew and knew that to jump in on the radios now would destroy the integrity of all that we had worked toward becoming. I was torn.
Somewhere, 13 miles above Arizona, there was a pilot screaming inside his space helmet. Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke: āLos Angeles Center, Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check?ā There was no hesitation, and the replay came as if was an everyday request. āAspen 20, I show you at one thousand eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground.ā
I think it was the forty-two knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-like voice: āAh, Center, much thanks, weāre showing closer to nineteen hundred on the money.ā
For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in the armor of the Houston Center voice, when L.A. came back with, āRoger that Aspen, Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours. You boys have a good one.ā
It all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to bow before the King of Speed, and more importantly, Walter and I had crossed the threshold of being a crew. A fine dayās work.
We never heard another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast.ā
-Brian Schul, Sled Driver: Flying The Worldās Fastest Jet
Always reblog passive-aggressive Blackbird speed check
"It has the most nuts I've ever seen. And I've seen my fair share."
I NEED MY GAY ROMCOM OUT OF THIS, STAT.
god damn this is a QUILT ('late day shadows' by nancy messier)
EXCUSE ME.
Kassandra!Ā šššŖš¦
āPeople say that you should really do something out of your comfort zone. Why? I worked very hard to find my comfort zone. It was really rough and I canāt even get there that often. Takes all day and I gotta get off to a good start and do all the right things and avoid the right people and find all the right people and do all of these things to find my comfort zone. And then Iām supposed to do something outside of my - Fuck you! You do something outside your comfort zone. My comfort zone is hard-wonā¦. But then, thatās where popular culture and pop psych comes in and wants ā and the shtick I was looking at last night was that like, so, if itās āafraidā, then, āYou should do the things youāre afraid ofā. Why? Why? I have felt quite enough fear. I donāt think I will benefit from more fear. I donāt think itās the missing element in my life. I donāt think thatās the thing I need to be seeking out. āGo to the places that scare you.ā No! I have carved out an awesome space in which I donāt have to visit the places that scare me. I donāt like them there. Iāve been there. I know more about them than you, person telling me to go to the places that scare me.ā
ā John Darnielle, 2014-04-19 and 2014-04-20 at the Old Town School of Folk Music, Chicago ( track 18 inĀ https://archive.org/details/tmg2014-04-19.oldtown.flac16Ā and track 21 inĀ https://archive.org/details/tmg2014-04-20)
tell me a pretty thing.
In Uzbek we have this concept of the divine dark, the darkness from which all things came. So thereās this idea that shows up in a lot of our literature that when the world was first made it was like a gentle night, peaceful, quiet and pitch-black. The night is when creation started and the night is when youāre closest to glimpsing what it was like at the very start of the world.
oh wow thatās gorgeous.
good morningĀ
you smell like home.
I think he broke a record for the amount of NSFW jokes in this one. š
So fine ! š°
Awesome veils by Monica Ivena
Do yourself and your devotion a favor by not sharing every aspect of it on the internet. Keep the precious, intimate, and profound moments just between you and your gods.
this is scaring me like my heart is beating so fast
š¶ We didn't start the fire š¶
āThe prince just fell in love with Cinderella because of her looks!ā
Wrong. Okay, picture thisā
So thereās the prince, okay? Heās like, smack dab in the center of the ballroom, and he is like, horrifically aware that this whole ball thing is a result of his dad falling into a panic about the royal lineage or whatever and heās stuck listening to highborn girl after highborn girl, all lined up, introducing themselves like,Ā āOh yeah my familyās been a longtime supporter of the crown, and I think youāre cute, *cough* Iāve been told I have child-bearing hips *cough* Who said that? Anywayāā and Princey boy is just smiling through it, he has been the center of attention for entirely too long, he misses his emotional support horse, and is just internally likeĀ āSomeone please kill me now.ā And then⦠he sees herāThis isnāt a love at first sight thing, this is aĀ āwhat the hell is going on over thereā thing, because this girl has not gotten into the Debutante line for a solid 45 minutes.Ā
Sheās just at the hors dāoeuvres table going HAM on the prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, and like, sheās polite about it, sheās happy to move aside for other people grabbing punch and canapes (and sheās really so sweet with the wait staff, itās kind of cute because theyāre like⦠definitely not used to being acknowledged) but itās like,Ā āDamn girl, did you not eat today?ā and then the prince is kind of stuck with the uncomfortable thought ofĀ āhow many girls starved themselves to fit into a corset for this.ā And then the Prince realizes heās missed the past 4 Debutante introductions because heās watching Mystery girl hork down crab rangoons. So heās like,Ā āExcuse meā and manages to break free from the never-ending parade of girls who will hop on his dick for status.
Ā And as heās approaching Mystery Girl, itās kind of hitting him that somethingās not quite natural about her. Not fake, but not quite real. But at the same time this whole eveningās been just a whole circus of people acting fake as hell, so like, someone seeming a little off doesnāt seem bad, necessarily. And he sidles up to her like,Ā āHi,ā and sheās like,Ā āOhāhey, have you tried the tapenade?ā and she points to one of the plates, and at this point, he could hit her with theĀ āYou donāt know who I am, do you?ā deal or theĀ āVery funny, I see your playā deal, but at this point it occurs to him that, no, he hasnāt had anything to eat throughout this whole damn ball, partially because of being stuck in the debutante parade, partially because of nerves, and thereās something so disarming about the question that he grabs a crostiniĀ and she still seems so food-focused that it doesnāt seem possible that this is a play. So they both grab little plates and ditch the party.
She pretty much clears her plate in under two minutes and then has half of his plate, heās cool with it, mostly heās just absolutely fascinated listening to her.
See hereās the thing about Cinderella:
1. She doesnāt know heās the prince. Like yeah, heās been at the center of the room, but sheās kind of spent half the party eagerly looking around everywhere sheās allowed to go (āHave you seen rose garden? Have you seen the solarium??ā further confirmation that she doesnāt know who sheās talking to) and the other half stuffing her face with food.Ā
2. She assumes sheās never going to see anyone here tonight again, and no one recognizes her, so she has no filter.
So sheās just talking about whatever with this guy. He seems cool. She talks about her friends, who are rats. She makes little outfits for them. Sometimes they bring her little gifts. She is already the coolest person the prince has ever met because of this. She pretty much offhandedly talks about whatever is fucked up about the kingdom that would take his advisors two hours of hemming and hawing and watering down to address. She just says it like itās nothing, just funky little things sheās observed, and again, sheās not aware that heās the prince, but itās still pretty damn bold to bring up at a literal royal ball.
She⦠seems to have the majority of graces that lots of girls from Respectable Families⢠have, but thereās something strange about it, something simultaneously broken and hardened, like the way you can see where ice has thawed and re-frozen. Also the way she talks about her family, and the way she avoids talking about her familyā is raising several red flags, not in theĀ āOh this is another person trying to take advantage of meā sense, but in theĀ āOh fuck, somethingās gone really wrong and you need helpā sense and also lowkey a ādamn is she even getting fed?ā sense. But he canāt say,Ā āHey, thatās not fucking normal for people to say that to you or treat you that way. We need to get you out of there,ā without sounding crazy himself, so for now, heās just going to chill, make sure sheās comfortable, and keep enjoying the evening. Sheās somehow befriended like 4 of the waitstaff so theyāre willing to cover for them while they disappear for a little bit, and they get plenty of time to talk, but eventually it hits her that she hasnāt danced yet and sheās likeĀ āCome on! I bet we can make the prince jealous!ā and he just bursts out laughing at that likeĀ āhell yeah, letās make the prince jealous. Heās a real asshole.ā Like clearly sheās having a good time, so who is he to make it weird? So they head back to the ballroom and they dance. And our girl, Mystery Girl, Cinderella, while theyāre dancing, becomes acutely aware that everyone is staring.Ā That doesnāt seem quite right. Like, yeah sheās hot, she knows sheās hot, but at least a good third of the party should still be focused on the prince, right? Where is that guy, anyway?
Oh.
Oh wait.
Oh shit.
And Princey Boy actually picks up on her realization and they whisper argue for like 3 minutes.Ā āWhy didnāt you tell me?! Now I feel like a goddamn idiot!āĀ āI dunno it was nice being treated like a normal personāĀ āWell me treating you like a normal person makes me a goddamn felon or something did you consider that?!āĀ āHeyāHeyāitās coolāyouāre coolāI think youāre amazing, and if anyone says shit about you, I can shut it down.āĀ āWell I donāt like that! Thatās fucked up!āĀ āI agree. It is fucked up, but I believe in you, and I think you should have a chance, and Iām here to back you up. I know power is fucked up right now. I know. But are you cool with working with me to change that?ā And our girl Cindy pauses on that for a couple seconds, because.. sheās just spent hours with this guy and like.. she knows heās a good guy, she knows he means well, so sheās like,Ā āI donāt know how long I can actually work with you.ā and the prince is likeĀ āLook, I know your home situation is complicated right now, but I really think we canāā
And then the bell starts ringing.
Itās midnight.
And then she takes off in a panic, and our prince just met the coolest person ever, and like, heās pretty sure whatever situation theyāre headed back to is fucked up, and all heās got going to find her is a shoe. A shoe.Ā