Hi, sirida — I popped over to your blog and read your tags on your reblog, and, well, I’ve BEEN THERE! I’m so, so sorry you had to deal with those fuckheads, and it really just sent me back to some horrible places in my medical history.
Here are some things that I should probably make a larger post about Dealing With Your Medical (Un)Professionals:
1) If you *can* go with someone else, *do* go with someone else. Not just anyone else — someone who knows your health issues, and understands your health issues (mental or physical or *whatever*), and believes in you *and* your health issues. This person might be your lover, or your friend, or your fuckbuddy, or the fancreature visiting you from London that week, or your pastor, or WHOEVER.
The important things are that you share a mutual affection and trust with them, that they understand your health problems at least as well as you do, and that they are capable of stepping in to have your back when the asshole doctors/nurses/whoever are giving you shit.
For me, this person is my spouse Jack. We take this role for each other *all the time*. Happily, we’ve reached a point where not *all* of our medical professionals require a tag-team approach, but you better believe some of them do.
*If your medical professional says that you medibuddy cannot be with you when you are having your consultation* (as opposed to, say, your CT scan, or MRI, or X-ray, or whatever — THEY CAN TOTALLY BE WITH YOU FOR YOUR VAGINAL ULTRASOUND, PEOPLE! DON’T BE FOOLED!), then you either put your foot down and tell that fuckwit that they’re dead wrong? Or you explain to them that they aren’t your doctor anymore and you let them watch you strut right out the door.
In my experience? They pretty much always back down and let your medibuddy in.
Good way to find a potential medibuddy: Depending on where you live, your level of disability, your insurance, etc., your statewide nursing organization/general healthcare clearinghouse (here in CT, it’s Husky Health) may be able to provide you with a nurse who will work with you *personally* and either come with you to your appointments, or, after you explain to them over the phone how your doctor fucked the fuck up? They will damned well *call* that fuckwit on your behalf and wreck shit.
Call 211 and see what you get!
Now, once your medibuddy is in the room, some doctors will be utter pricks and like “I need to hear this from YOU.” Or, completely contradicting themselves, they will ignore your protests entirely and yell at your medibuddy — “Now listen here — I will talk to the patient and ONLY to the patient.”
This is where the *real* script comes in:
“Oh, I’m sorry, doctor, but I’ve terrible trouble with anxiety when it comes to health issues, and [medibuddy] knows everything about my condition. I would much prefer it if you talked to them whenever possible. They are, in fact, privy to all information about that.” [Make sure to ask the receptionists out front for documents you can sign which will allow this to be true.]
“Yes, I know this is against your office policy, but a) it is my right, and b) I feel it would be a much more efficient use of our time if we did this the way which would not end in me crying in pain and/or having a panic attack.” *insert pointed look here*
“No, doctor, I do *not* need to be admitted into psychiatric care. I simply need you to accede to my wishes and speak to my medical proxy, who is right here. I will answer all questions they cannot, of course, but I prefer — as is my right — for you to direct the lion’s share of questions to them.”
Honestly, though? If they fight past the first scripted answer? You probably need a new doctor anyway.
But yes, politeness, firmness, a *hint* of sarcasm to remind them of your humanity and the fact that you’re a person who is currently calm but who is *capable* of messy, inconvenient, and *time-consuming* emotions?
Yeah, this often works well.
2) If you can’t find a medibuddy/your medibuddy is currently unavailable/your medibuddy is as bad at remembering their lines as you are?
Honey, this isn’t Broadway!
Think of it as more of an open-book exam.
Take notes about *exactly* what you want to say. Write it down. Bullet-point in neat, pithy little catch-phrases if you have the kind of medical professional who actually reads the charts the techs and nurses hand them before they start prodding at you (of course, if you had one of those, you probably wouldn’t need *this*…), or just however is easiest for you or your medibuddy to read if you can’t.
“I have some notes here that I brought to stay organized…”
If the medical professional balks — and, yes, some of them will, because some of them are just that fuckwitted:
“I’m sorry, I have some memory issues, and I wanted to make sure I stayed organized and on-point. I know how busy you are.” *insert cold smile here*
“I often get flustered/embarrassed when I talk about my needs — I hate to whine — and this makes it easier and much, much faster. I hope you understand?” *insert pointedly wide-eyed look here*
“I can be quite forgetful — the last thing I want to do is leave something out and then have to come back a week later and waste everyone’s time!” *insert fake laugh here*
Or something along those lines.
Note how you’re playing to Dr. Asshole’s ego. This? Tends to work. Phrase it in your own words. Put it right on top of your copy of the notes. And your medibuddy’s copy, too.
Though let me be clear — I’ve only had doctors complain about the notes method about 5% of the time. About 10% of the time, they’ve been indifferent. The other 85%? They’ve been downright overjoyed. Medical professionals equipped with still-functioning minds and souls *recognize* the efficiency and utility of this method, and jump right the hell over it.
Especially if it’s typed-up in nice large text.
So, you know, even if you’re *sure* the medical professional you’re seeing is a throbbing pustule on the body politic? Bring a nice, clean, insult-free copy for them just in case.
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