★ This is a vent blog, my safe space where I talk about my struggles with eating disorders, depression, and self harm, but I do not encourage or promote destructive behavior
☆ PRO RECOVERY
★ BLOCK DON'T REPORT
☆ This is a hate free zone! Everybody is welcome here as long as you are respectful and kind
★ I have struggled with disordered eating and depression since I was thirteen, and I was in therapy too for a long time, but it didn’t stick and I've relapsed multiple times
☆ This is a sideblog, I mainly interact through reblogs, but I'm open for mutuals and would like to chat
★ You can read more about me and my stats under the cut
Little introduction. You may call me Nessy. I am 22 years old, work a cleaning job, and I live in Germany. I have been on tumblr for years and years. My last blog was recently deleted. Due to this, I will be more careful about what I post. But I need this safe space to not feel so alone with my struggles.
I've struggled with restrictive eating since I was thirteen. Before that, I struggled with binge eating. My body has always been my enemy. At fifteen, I hit my lowest weight and my parents found out about my eating disorder. I was sent to therapy, but I never really wanted to recover which is why none of it stuck. I relapsed before I was even done with therapy. In 2021, I finished therapy at a weight of 58kg after having gained back twenty kilos during my time in recovery. I got down to 56kg and maintained for three years. At the end of 2024, I gained and went up to 62kg which made me want to lose again. It’s been hard.
My stats are:
• HW - 72kg
• SW - 68kg
• CW - 60kg
• GW ONE - 58kg - as a reward, I will buy myself a new leather jacket as soon as I've maintained this weight for at least a week
• GW TWO - 56kg – as a reward, I will buy myself new jeans and new high heels
• GW THREE - 54kg - as a reward, I will buy myself two new books
GW THREE is as far as I will go for now as I'm still living with my parents and they know about my eating issues. I don’t want to worry them too much. But I plan to move out this year and then I will continue till I reach my ultimate goal weight.
• GW FOUR - 50kg - as a reward, I will book myself a day trip to Paris
• UGW - 44kg
• LW - 48kg
• Height: 175cm
Now to some fun facts about me!
☆ I'm pan and demisexual
★ I don’t care if I'm perceived as male or female, I prefer to call myself nonbinary
☆ I love art in all it's forms, especially poetry and literature
★ My hobbies include: writing, reading, drawing, painting, embroidery, crafting, watching movies and shows, and cooking
☆ My favorite music artists include: $uicideboy$, NF, Eminem, Grim Salvo, Witchhouse 40k, and Terrorbyte, but I'm known to listen to any and everything
★ Favorite movie/book genre: Drama
☆ I write and read fanfiction too, I've many fandoms I enjoy
★ My food weakness: pizza and homemade bread
☆ My dream: is it to one day become a published writer and move to a quiet place like Ireland or Norway where I would live in a cozy cottage with a bunch of horses and dogs
That's it for now! Feel free to drop an ask or send me a direct message if you would like!
I miss how clean my skin used to be when I was at my lowest weight. Clean and smooth and unblemished. Now it's all dirty and bumpy and oily. I hate it. It’s disgusting. I'm disgusting. I need to get back to my lowest.
Started reading 'Paperweight' by Meg Haston and I already love it. The main character is so relatable. She gives voice to thoughts and feelings I always struggle to express in terms of my eating disorder. Reading it makes me feel understood. It’s a comfort and trigger at once.
