Flames started to spread rapidly from my stove as it flipped and spilled alcohol on the floor of my tent and even splashed some up onto a small part of my sleeping bag after I moved a little too much in my tent. I rapidly looked around for a water bottle to douse the flames before my entire tent and all my other gear inside went up into a roaring flame. This is what I get for forgetting my windscreen which also doubles as my floor protector when I choose to cook inside my tent. Luckily only a small portion of the floor got burned or melted away and only a very small part of my bag got burned. It could have been a lot worse though.
So you might be wondering a couple of things here. a) Why would you be cooking inside your tent instead of outside? b) If you are cooking in your tent, why would you be using a liquid stove like a alcohol stove instead of a canister stove? Well to answer this would be too long of a story, but the short of it is that I decided to switch back in VA to the alcohol stove. As for why I was cooking in my tent is simple, bugs, lots an lots of bugs. I don’t like getting eaten alive while trying to eat food myself so the simplest solution is to cook and eat in my bug free tent. Now for why I didn’t have my windscreen this is the longer part, but I'll make it brief for now. When I was getting ready to leave my car and get back on trail I was offered a ride from a lady, but she needed to leave rather quickly so I grabbed all my gear and thought that I had everything. It wasn’t until my first night back on trail, the night I set my tent on fire, that I realized I had left several items in my car including my windscreen.
Needless to say that first day and night were a rather exciting welcome back to the trail. One would think that having as much experience and miles under their belt in the backcountry they would be well aware of these types of incidents and would be able to avoid them. I think that at the end of the day no matter how much experience you have or how many miles you have logged, it is pretty inevitable that one day you will probably have a mishap or two. It’s how you learn from these “accidents and mishaps” that you gain said experience and are then able to avoid them better in the future.
Now that you are briefly updated and know that I am back on trail I want to share with you my thoughts and feelings as of recently. Before I dive into that part of this post, I want to let you know that even though it has been nearly two months since I have updated this I have been working on the new site the best I can and getting closer to making the switch. I know I don’t really owe anyone an explanation for my absence and actions or the lack thereof, but I do feel like I owe you an apology for not keeping you updated better. I am really new to this blogging thing, so trying to keep myself on a deadline for needing to put new content out is still something I am working on. I hope though that I will get better with this over time. I really do appreciate all of you who are reading my content and are sticking with me even when I tend to be less than present here. I guess it’s like anything else in life, if you want to get better it just takes time and practice. So maybe one day I will be one of those awesome bloggers you see everywhere on the interwebs, but until then I will keep trying to learn how this whole blogging life works.
Before I jump into the main post I need to let you know this is going to be a rather long read. Please bare with me on this one. If you don't have time to read it all now I might recommend that you stop here and come back when you have a bit of extra time to read it. I normally don't like long post myself, but this one is one that I need to get out there and off my chest. Alright now onto the real post, hope you enjoy it.
I have always loved hiking and long distance backpacking. Then when I did my first thru-hike(attempt) on the AT in 2012 I knew I was hooked and I wanted to try it again. My first time I tried was an amazing experience filled with so many amazing side adventures. Even though I did not complete the whole trail that time I knew I would be back out again.
When I decided to hit the the trail this year I had set in my mind that nothing was going to keep me from the end this time. Nothing! Well little did I expect to have taken nearly 2 1/2 months off at random times throughout my trek. Now before I keep going with the rest of the post I want you know this may seem out of place and may not make much sense right now or even seem out of place, but it will all make sense further on down.
As you may, or may not know my first month off(April 13-May 12) was spent down in TN at Uncle Johnny's as a work for stay. I even tried avoiding getting sucked in there by staying at the Super 8 my first night in Erwin. Well one thing lead to another and I was there for a month, but what a fun filled month that was.
When I finally made it out and back on trail I jumped up into VA in Pearisburg. I really hit it hard again making my way north. With skipping so much trail I normally would feel terrible about it, but the section I skipped I know all too well and decided if I still felt bad about it I would do it after I finished over the winter.
As May finished up and June came I was making my way through VA and on into Harper's Ferry. At the same time my first pair of shoes were wearing out fast so I had my new ones sent to Harper's Ferry. I thought having a fresh pair of shoes would help keep me going. Yet again the unexpected slowly crept up and in the end sent me home. I had to go home due to the new shoes with roughly 200 miles on them began giving me a stress fracture.
Upon arriving home June 29 I was already planning that I would not stay any longer than 2 weeks, 3 max. Well I couldn't do much at home so I worked the first week to make some extra money and then I worked the second week. That is where the downward spiral began. I slowly got adjusted to being at home and then before I knew it July was over and I had been home over a month. I had become comfortable with just working and hanging out with friends again.
Now I don’t have anything against being home or hanging out with friends. I actually really enjoyed it a lot, but that was not why I came home. I came home to heal up so I could get back on trail. Instead I spent my time losing my focus and becoming all too comfortable being at home. I was staying with my parents the whole time I was home which was nice, but as the time was going by I could tell they wanted me to get back on trail before I gave up all together and decided to stay home. So finally as August was starting off they started really pushing me to leave, almost like they were kicking me out of the house.
Finally I decided I needed to get back on trail and started getting serious about leaving. I went through all my gear, packed some resupply boxes, and started planning where I would get back on trail at. The only thing left to do was get back to trail. That was proving to be more challenging and stressful than it should have been, but I think that was just me not wanting to leave the comforts of home. My dad and I went back an forth on how I could get back on trail until we finally agreed, for the most part, that me driving myself back to the trail would work out best. So I packed my car with everything I would need for the rest of the trip and also everything I would or could possibly need after in case I decided not to return home right away.
This all took place over the first weekend in August and took me until Tuesday August 8th to get my car and gear totally ready to leave. I did a couple errands on Wednesday morning and then headed off on my way to where I had chosen to leave my car for the first leg. Now this is where it gets a bit tricky. So instead of driving all the way to Maine and leaving my car up there and just hiking all the way to it, I decided to leapfrog it the rest of the way up the trail. I did this for a couple of reasons. The first being that I didn’t want to see Katahdin until I hiked to it. I have still yet to see that mountain with my own eyes in person and I wanted to keep it that way. The second is that it would give me a decent break from walking whenever I get to it by having to move it further up the trail. It also gives me a place to sleep for free and a way to get around trail towns more easily.
So as I started my journey north in my car I decided to take my time to get back by taking the scenic route instead of just taking the interstates. I drove mostly on US highways and back roads so I could see part of the east coast that I haven’t really seen yet, like Delaware. I spent the first night in my car in a park I found in northern Delaware. I decided the next day to keep with my slow moving flow by having breakfast at a diner before I kept making my way to MA. I didn’t really stop anywhere else for a while after breakfast, I just took in the sights from the driver seat as I went along my way. Once I got into NY I was only a few hours away, but it was the beginning of rush hour traffic and I was just on the south side of Albany so I decided to find somewhere to hangout for a couple hours. I ended up spending my time wandering around a mall and eating at a 5guys. Around 8:30 is when I decided to get back on the road and just push all the way to the trail head just outside of Great Barrington, MA. I finally made it to the trail parking lot around 10:45 pm and I just crashed in the car for the night.
When I woke up the next morning was when it hit me that I was back at the trail and now all I had to do was figure out how to get back down south to Delaware Water Gap, PA where I wanted to actually hike from. As these thoughts all flooded my mind I began going through all my gear and making sure I had my pack in order. After that I started to get my shoes on. Just as I was doing this a lady pulled up with a hiker in her car. I decided to ask her if she was going back through town and if I could get a ride. She said if I was quick and got all my gear in her car she could take me. So I didn’t think twice about it nor finished tying my shoes right there. I grabbed my pack and poles, placed them in her cars' trunk. I looked in my car one last time thinking I had everything, locked it up and hopped in with her. And just like that I was off on my way.
She dropped me off in Great Barrington around 8:45 am and like that I was left without my car or any easy way back. This is when it started to settle in that I was back out here doing this again. At first I had a slight bit of fear, but that soon faded when I chose to make peace with my decision. I started walking around the town briefly to see what I could before I headed to the bus pick up area. I had to wait about 2 hrs for the bus to actually pick me up to take me over to the next larger town of Pittsfield, where I would catch a Greyhound bus down to NYC.
Once I made it into Pittsfield I had some time to kill before the bus would arrive to take me on down to NYC so I decided to wander around the city a bit and take in the sights on foot. I first went to a pizza joint for some food and to charge my phone. After that I decided to walk around and see what I could. After walking around a while I found myself enjoying a latte in a coffee shop. Now my bus wasn't due till around 7:45 pm and it was only 5:30 so I still had some time to kill before needing to make my way to the bus station. I spent the remaining time hanging out in a hotel lobby, mainly because the staff there were awesome and said I could chill there while I waited instead of sitting in the bus station. For the length of this post I'm going to skip forward a bit. It may seem like you are missing a lot but you really won't be.
I made it to NYC around 1:45 am and took a quick walking tour over to Times Square from the bus station and then around 4:30 am I headed back to wait to get my next ticket and head on down to DWG so I could get back on trail. I got my ticket at 6:30 and the bus left out from NYC at 8 am. I made it to DWG right at 9:15 am. I spent the morning resting at the hiker hostel the church has provided for years. That evening there were a couple other NOBO hikers there and we all got to know each other and even went out for some drinks and live music at a local place which was such a treat. This helped me feel like I hadn't really missed much being gone for so long.
On Sunday I went to breakfast with some of the NOBO's before I started my journey on the trail again. After breakfast I went back to the church to pack up my gear and make sure I had everything I needed. Of course though as I was going through all my gear that's when I noticed I was missing a few items. One being my windscreen, my spork, and even my lovely dirty girl gaiters I picked up in Hot Springs in the beginning. So I had to make a quick run down to the outfitter in town and picked up a new spoon and some new gaiters. After picking up those couple of items I was as ready as I was ever going to be to get back on trail. I finally set off around 11:30 that morning and started making my north again on the trail.
When I hit the trail there were only 4 other NOBO's that were still in town so I was alone when I left. As I mentioned in one of my previous blogs I don't really mind being alone and I was rather looking forward to being even more alone on the trail now that I was practically in the end of the NOBO hikers.
It felt great crossing over from PA into NJ on the Delaware bridge even though I had to jump up to there and couldn't get on where I got off trail.(I am planning on going back though to do that short stretch after I finish the trail.) Now I had planned on doing a 15 mile day, but ended up just shy of that walking 12.9 miles to Catfish lookout tower. This was the night I set my tent and bag on fire. Again it could have been much worse, but I was lucky it was only a small mishap.
I really enjoy waking up on the tops of mountains like that one. It gives you such an amazing way to start a day being able to see the day starting in every direction. I was a little bummed that I couldn't stay in the tower, but I was able to climb up it to watch the sunrise and that never gets old.
I got packed up and started walking around 9:30. I wasn't sure what the day was going to have in store for me, all I knew is that I had to get walking. I didn't really have much of plan when I left camp on this morning other than going north. I knew that I wasn't going to be seeing the other NOBO's for much longer because I had lost my 'trail legs' so I had to choose to be ok with this as well as being alone.
Now as the days started to go by and I was doing my miles I began to realize I was pretty much alone during the day as I walked. I wasn't entirely alone, I would occasionally pass a SOBO here and there and at night I would have SOBO's for company. This isn't the same though. I don't really know how to explain it right now, maybe I can try in another post. What I do know is that this very quickly began to wear on me. It wore on me in such a rapid and fast way that I began to have mental battles with myself. I even started contemplating that once I got to my car I could quit and just go home.
I decided on Friday since it was raining to treat myself to a hotel room in Warwick, NY with the hopes that a shower, A/C, a dry place with a roof over my head, some normal food, a place to do my laundry, and a day in town would help curb these feelings of wanting to quit. When I got to the hotel I didn't really do much other than go out to get some food and some soap to do my laundry and then went back to get a shower and enjoy the room all night.
I spent my next day in town just enjoying different places, mainly restaurants and a bar. I actually recieved some amazing trail magic there a few different times. This was the first time in a really long time anyone had bought me food or drinks. It was such a awesome and humbling experience. I even got a ride that evening back to the trail from a couple at the last place I was at. So thank you all for your awesome support and kindness.
Once I got back to the trail though all the thoughts of quitting crept right back into my head. They quickly created roots in me that soon over took me and I had a breaking point. This breaking point actually happened just two days ago. I was alone, hot, tired, annoyed, very sore all over, just couldn't, didn't, want to be out here anymore. I quit more times than I can remember that day. And the funny thing is I had just had an amazing day in town just before this 'rock bottom' experience. I was sitting on top of a mountain just south of Harriman when it hit me. I was done as soon as I started walking again. I almost threw my entire pack with all the gear down the mountain. Instead I cursed, I swore, I even shouted, but none of that was going to change the fact that I was still in the woods when all I wanted was to be home, not walking, not carrying a pack anymore. I had to push on though.
Push on I did. I made it to Island Pond and then the Lemon Squeezer, and finally the shelter for the night. When I made it there I was done. I was sure I was going to quit the next day and figure out how to get home. To my surprise though there was a couple there that really had good spirits and just talking with them helped bring me out of my funk, slightly. Then before the night was up a NOBO showed up. The first one I had seen in almost a week.
This really was a turning point for me. He and I decided to spend a day hiking together. The next day we hit the trail together and come to find out he had also been having a rough week. We made it to Bear Mtn. and hung out in the inn down at the bottom for a few hours. We even had a really great conversation with a gentleman and his friend that we had run into briefly earlier that day while hiking up Bear Mtn when they were coming down. Yesterday was such a huge help and a big relief to know that I am not alone. Not that I ever really believed that I was it just felt like it when I was having such a bad couple of days.
Now I know that I am not out of the woods yet, no pun intended, but I wanted to say all this to let you all know what I had been going through and what it took to get back on trail. I know that this is something I have to do and I do want it, although at times it feels like I may not. For right now though I am going to keep pressing on do whatever it takes to keep my spirits up.
With all this said now, I want to encourage you that no matter what you are going through that you can make it. You have to set in your mind that you are going to and then start working on getting back up. This won't happen over night, but it can and will happen if you determine you want it. It's so true that no matter what, if you set your mind to do something you can accomplish it, no matter how small or how big it is.
Thank you all for sticking it out on such a long post. I know this was a lot. Hell it was a lot for me and I left out quite a bit to help keep it as short as I could near the end. I will continue working on getting better at creating post on a more timely manner. Like I said before this is new to me, but I want to get better at it. Just as with my journey here on the trail, one foot in front of the other, this will just be one post at a time and before we both know it I will be posting on a regular basis. Well that is about all I have to say right now. Tomorrow I will be back on trail pushing it hard again. I will talk to you all soon. As always happy trails.
