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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

Discoholic 🪩

tannertan36
hello vonnie

Kaledo Art
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
One Nice Bug Per Day

PR's Tumblrdome
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Three Goblin Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

Andulka
Today's Document
Peter Solarz
$LAYYYTER
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seen from Palestinian Territories

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seen from Malaysia
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seen from Singapore
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@thexelif
THIS IS IT. IVE FOUND THE FUNNIEST THING ON THIS PLANET.
George-Washington.zip
Why is this so funny to me? I think it’s the quick little jumpcuts, and then the reveal feels like a punchline to a joke.
reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)
OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.
YOOOOOOO
I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS
LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS
holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.
I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT
SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP
WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????
ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE
THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.
GUYS.
HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER
20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.
GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.
I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.
OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG
i reblog this everytime it’s on my dash ❤️
THIS SHIT FUCKING WORKS HOLY SHIT. MAKE A WISH EVERY FUCKING TIME
few months ago i wished for a cat… and my dad got me a black kitten 2 days later. TWO DAYS. and i love my Loki the most ….
i wish that i could one day meet my best friend on saturday aND SHE BOOKED THE DATE TO FLY DOWN AND STAY WITH US ON TUESDAY
I really want a dwarf hamster. I’ve wanted one for so long {I mean daddy has one named Jeffrey but he only lives at his house so I don’t see him much} I really want my own!
really needed this
worth a shot
Okat this is back. I’m gonna make better use of it this time.
I wish I wish I wish ✨
Make a wish…♡♡♡
How do I make the wish tho
Happily ever after with my babee
get the new job :)
I want my project concert to be succesful
Man, I want my crush to ask me out:/
Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)
john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be
he literally called her a bitch so let’s raise the standards ladies and gentlemen
the bar is at the earth’s core
literally fuck you to hell tumblr
This is the first I heard of this guy and I think this is the most dramatically I’ve seen anyone’s words taken out of context in quite a while
John Mulaney’s entire thing about his wife (and when she was his girlfriend) is about undoing the toxic horseshit that male comedians have done in talking shit about their wives for so fucking long. When he first mentions her, he says about his Jewish girlfriend “this is gonna get playfully antisemitic,” except it doesn’t [note: I am not Jewish, and I am aware that shades my perceptions]. He talks about how she’s forthright and helps him be better at standing up for himself because he’s really fucking bad at confrontation and she is very good at pointing out that he shouldn’t have to wait an hour for food at a restaurant or be stranded at an airport. The parts of her nature that would be derided for being “so Jewish” by other comedians are some of the reasons John loves her. She doesn’t take shit, and he realizes that he doesn’t have to.
When he mentions her in the latest special, he mentions the conversation quoted above before he dives in. HE IS AWARE HOW LOW THE BAR IS. And what are his stories? There’s no nagging wife. There’s no stories of her not getting how manly he is. The jokes are about what a fucking dork he is and how her responses are in line with WHAT A FUCKING DORK HE IS. He ADORES her because she doesn’t give a fuck, and he is aware he gives entirely too many fucks.
And when he finally DOES tell a story about her messing something up, it’s a hilarious misunderstanding about the Last Supper that John finds fucking hilarious because he was raised Catholic, so the Last Supper is a BIG DEAL, and she’s Jewish, so it wasn’t on her radar. The story is hilarious because it’s about a very cute and funny misunderstanding based on different backgrounds. It’s not about “finally” one-upping that bitch he married. It’s about being DELIGHTED to find out that bitch he likes so much has a fucking hilarious take on the Last Supper.
Bring me WAY MORE male comedians like John Mulaney, and this bitch will be happy.
Plus, if you compare his recent versus early shows, you can watch him come to awareness about the toxic masculinity and other issues inherent in old-school standup and grow as a comedian into someone much funnier at the same time. Kudos.
i may ‘have depression’ and ‘not function properly’ but guess what?
what?
Translation: “I am fucking tired of the soviet car industry” *the standard effect of touching a soviet car* *laughs in russian*
I can’t get over the sheer poetry of how the car falls apart - the perfect chain reaction escalating as it travels round.
Just a heads up right now: on the day when Trump dies, I’m going to be extremely tasteless about it. It’s going to get ugly. You are going to see a side of me I am not proud of. I don’t want any call-outs in my inbox, I’m stating right now that lines will be crossed.
How disgusting can someone be
I wouldn’t even say this about my worst enemy
Forget the fact that its trump. If you agree with this youre fucking evil. Evil literally lives inside you. Wow.
Anyways all of y’all AND the evil that literally lives inside of you are invited to the sick ass house party I’m throwing when lord dampnut kicks the bucket
I feel like all you Americans need to take a look at what happened here in the UK after Maggie Thatcher died. Because when it comes to tasteless celebrations fuelled by anger and the death of a hated political leader, we REALLY pushed the boat out. We had street parties. We had burning effigies. We pushed “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” to the top of the charts out of sheer hatred. Bone up kiddos, and I really hope you manage to do that truly American thing, of dramatically outdoing us with your celebrations.
Reblogging for last comment.
Tag yourself
all of these are gold
oh my god
It’s stuff like this that really makes me appreciate humanity as a whole
Hes trying his best. I love him.
MILO YOURE A RACEHORSE
being as i am an idiot, and having been one my whole life, i just wanna say that i find it very easy to do nothing, and go nowhere. i eat chocolate late at night in the dark. i stand in the garden also. and i’m often waiting for something to happen. and i’m stupid.
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life
a gem, this is a god damn gem
I always lose it at “you owe me $7 now”