Things are Complicated

I made this blog to be a place where I can work out my complicated thoughts on issues that I think need nuance (social justice, free speech, etc.). I may also post about my ADHD, my life as a high school teacher, or other random thoughts. I'm an adult.

[thingsarecomplicated]

Blog “rules” (or lack thereof)

I’m getting a few followers, so I thought now’s as good a time as any to post this:

I’m always open to replies, asks in my inbox, adding to my posts in a reblog, etc. Even if I tag “personal” I’m still open to replies. I actually almost always want replies because I like hearing other people’s opinions. No one is obligated to reply to anything I post, but it’s always welcome!

Anyone can follow or interact, as long as you’re decently polite. If I post about my ADHD or chronic pain, you can interact with those posts even if you don’t have either condition. Same with any post I make. 

The only “rule” I have is to be aware that I’m an adult. I don’t post anything NSFW. The closest I come is posts that mention sex in a very un-sexy way. For example, I might mention my belief that schools should have comprehensive sex ed, or that sexual assault is bad. I don’t post things that are graphic and I will always (try to!) tag with “sex mention” and/or “sexual assault” when applicable. 

I try my best to trigger tag things. But a lot of my posts are just me posting whatever pops into my head at the time, so I’m not always good at that. 

[shock]

accepting that you’re objectively weird & owning it is infinitely better than being constantly desperate to appear normal to people who don’t even matter to you

[misscrazyfangirl321]

@taleasoldastime-andspace

[thoughtkick]

“Kindness begins with understanding we all struggle.”

— Charles Glassman

[bellybuttonblue-deactivated2021]

[stephanemiroux]

Considering the loops most people have to jump to GET their PTO the manager has plenty of time to reassign tasks.

[thingsarecomplicated]

I once delayed an important doctor appointment to give my admin time to get substitutes lined up for my classes.

I put in my request the full two weeks in advance that was required.

The day of my appointment, my friend asked me if I was ok. I was puzzled and he said "I was just told I'm subbing for you in two class hours."

I gave them two weeks to find sub coverage. They didn't tell him until two hours before that he was losing a prep period to cover me.

Take your PTO.

[ante--meridiem]

When I see people (especially people calling themselves neurodivergent) talk about never being taught how to study/take notes/etc, I wonder how much of the complaint is actually them assuming everyone else was taught some super special technique when the technique is just... having good executive functions that let you actually Just Do It.

[thingsarecomplicated]

My neurotypical students suck at note taking too. A lot of them succeed despite their terrible studying and note taking skills, but the skills are not there.

[ante--meridiem]

I mean, I can definitely believe everyone sucks at notetaking - this post is mostly a response to the claim some people make of everyone except for them not sucking because they were taught skills. To the extent that other people do suck less, I don't think "they were taught special skills" is often the reason.

[thingsarecomplicated]

I should have been more clear. I was agreeing lol.

Most kids regardless of neurotype are not taught those skills.

[errorschacha]

Ladies...

Is your ear cartilage symmetrical?

Are your pores drooping?

Do you have thighs?

Something Is Wrong With You.

Buy Product.

[iamgandalfandgandalfmeansme]

[non-suspiciousname]

Wow lady you’re so strong and fierce! But you’re also fucking hideous without product! Use code FierceFeminist for 2% off on product!

[thingsarecomplicated]

This is how I feel about skincare.

It's talked about "You're so beautiful exactly as you are, you deserve to be happy and confident! You know what would make you happy and confident? Getting rid of those hideous pimples and preventing those icky wrinkles!"

[thatteacherlifetho]

[ante--meridiem]

When I see people (especially people calling themselves neurodivergent) talk about never being taught how to study/take notes/etc, I wonder how much of the complaint is actually them assuming everyone else was taught some super special technique when the technique is just... having good executive functions that let you actually Just Do It.

[thingsarecomplicated]

My neurotypical students suck at note taking too. A lot of them succeed despite their terrible studying and note taking skills, but the skills are not there.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[vmae]

Something else that makes me cringe? People who think they’re irregularly dark. You know the type.

“I’m not like normal girls lol I read the wikipedia page on Bundy! I’ve got such dark fascinations.” “I guess I’m such a twisted person, I watch horror movies for FUN!”. “Haha unlike other girls….I LIKE night time!” “I know who cthulu is so im basically satanic, I bet my mom would be so shocked!!!”. “I reblogged one picture of a skull, so yeah you could say I’m morbid >:3” “I’m insaaane!!! The dark depths of my soul would scare anyone”

Like come on am I the only one who gags at this stuff

[djbhfkjejieuihesowppw-deactivat]

tbh i really dont like it too a lot of the time but on another hand i feel like i often fall into the category lmfao

[roachpatrol]

well if you think about it, it’s kind of fucked up that girls absorb this notion of what girls are supposed to be like that’s so sweet and so clean and so harmless and so pleasant, that young teens genuinely judge themselves to be crazy or freakish for their totally normal human interests in horror, crime, and monsters. it takes them until their late teens and twenties to have the maturity and self-confidence to realize that these are normal human interests that lots of other women share. 

[fierceawakening]

This, yes.

Also – my mother is the kind of person who thinks any violent fiction should not exist. She’s intensely put off by the fight scenes in Xena, and I don’t mean the darker ones as the series went on. ANY violent content whatsoever, no matter how unrealistic.

When I started liking villains, liking dark stories, liking monsters, yes I felt like I was different and crazy and unable to fight The Rising Dark.

Because I’d been taught that literally ANYTHING was The Rising Dark.

So before you cackle at these kids for being “edgelords,” ask about their home environment. Ask what they were allowed to see.

Ask what they were told about dark stories, about the people who write them, about the part of themselves that likes them.

[fierceawakening]

@stripedrosesandsketchpads’ tags

Yep. And I had PTSD, and was being told not to publicly have it.

I will go to bat for those cringe girls until I am in the ground.

[thingsarecomplicated]

Similarly, I internalized the idea that I was super messed up and completely alien because as a teenage girl I thought sex sounded nice.

I had heard speeches at youth group and school addressed to girls basically saying "Look, the thing you have to know about boys is that they really want to have sex! I know that doesn't make sense to you as a girl, because as a girl I know you don't ever think about sex, but it's true! Guys think about sex all the time, even though you girls never do!"

And I thought "Wait, I don't think about sex? I don't want sex? That's news to me! I must be the only one! I must be some kind of pervert for being a girl and thinking about sex! What's wrong with me?"

[kaity--did]

Do you know how hard it is to live with a cat that has the intelligence level of literally like a 3 year old but the pure chaos of a high ranking demon?

He’s learned to open the lazy Susan and won’t stop clawing open the flour and rolling in it like a little chinchilla

[kaity--did]

Criminal charges

[kaity--did]

Hey hey hey HEY

He’s been CRAWLING INTO THE BOTTOM CABINETS to TEAR OPEN THE INSTANT POTATOES and EAT BAGS AND BAGS OF THEM I’m livid but also impressed.

[pigcatapult]

Do you have anything with that kind of texture that he can safely play with? This sounds like an understimulation issue.

[kaity--did]

He’s not playing with it

He’s eating it.

I can tell because the bags are nearly empty except for a few small clumps.

I knew he loves mashed potatoes. I just didn’t know the extent he’d go to to get them.

[kaity--did]

We had him tested and in the course of that vet visit he stole

6 tips

3 of the ear light cover things

Our other cats collar

the ear bud of the vets stethoscope 

several hearts

a plastic glove

the vet techs hair tie

Also yeah he’s fine he just likes to steal

[synebluetoo]

Not guilty by reason of deficiency of other people’s stuff

[kaity--did]

This is his ledge

His ledge is taller then my husband who is 6’2”

I am 5’5”

I have to get the step ladder out once a week and see what Orange Sherbert has taken to his ledge for safe keeping. It’s usually the remote.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

Narratively speaking, ending this saga with the reveal that his name is Orange Sherbert was a masterstroke.

[intelligentchristianlady]

It Matters

“It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the wind-blown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, pays at the unattended lot, listens to the repeated tale, folds the abandoned laundry, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, waits at the yellow, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing."

— Laura McBride, We Are Called to Rise, Simon & Schuster, 2014

[dankmemeuniversity]

[thingsarecomplicated]

Ok, but this is actually a good thing to do (unless you obsess about the brain tumor thing).

Have a headache? Ask yourself if you're hydrated. If no, drink water. Ask yourself if you're nourished. If no, eat something. Even if the hydration and nutrition don't help the headache, maybe the headache was a useful reminder to eat and drink. Take out your ponytail holder and see if that helps.

With the exception of obsessing over the brain tumor, this is taking care of yourself.

[thingsarecomplicated]

Why do I feel like women can't win when it comes to being accused of internalized misogyny?

To clarify, I think internalized misogyny absolutely exists, but...

I feel like if a girl is super girly, wears makeup, shaves her legs, follows fashion trends, etc. she's accused of giving into misogynist beauty standards

But if she's a tomboy who doesn't wear makeup or think fashion is cool, she's accused of being a "not like other girls" "pick me."

What is a woman "supposed" to do? Wear a gender neutral burlap sack and go live in the woods so as to not interact with men?

[thingsarecomplicated]

Do people who write positivity messages not... have jobs? Or responsibilities? Others who depend on them?

I really try to not reblog positive messages with negativity.

But if I have to see one more "It's good enough if you're trying!" "If you care about being a good teacher/friend/person, that means you are one!" "You don't have to be productive" etc. message I may lose it.

My not being productive enough harms my students. Trying isn't good enough for the people who depend on me. Caring isn't enough to get the job done. Getting the job done gets the job done.

[thingsarecomplicated]

There are militant vegans. There are people who talk nonstop about Cross Fit or running or atheism and act all superior about it.

But I feel like the reputation people in those groups get for only talking about their thing is kinda unfair.

Of course a runner is going to talk about their running, and someone who does Cross Fit is going to talk about doing Cross Fit. Don't you talk about your hobbies/interests? Don't you talk about the things you really view as positive in your life?

I talk about my religion as a Christian. So it's only fair if atheists talk about their atheism.

Vegans often have to talk about their veganism so their dietary choices can be accommodated. But even if they're being preachy a lot of us are preachy about issues we care about.

Annoying vegans exist. Annoying people exist, and vegans are people. But I feel like the reputation is a little unfair.

[thingsarecomplicated]

Reason I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world:

I have mega ADHD. I can't stand to talk to people with ADHD in person.

Well, that's not 100% true. I have ADHD students I get on with quite well.

But SHEESH the energy of some people is SO overstimulating. And I feel like a major jerk for hating it because they're just excited and happy.

But my goodness can my one ADHD friend talk. And not just talk. I can handle talkers. But she talks so quickly and loudly and excitedly. And she interrupts! Goodness me, she needs a chill pill.