Things I Learned From Cosmo

Things I Learned from Cosmo is a satirical, feminist blog that mocks the terrible advice given to women by Cosmopolitan Magazine. About FAQ Contact Links Tags Fine print

[fightingwaves]

Some actual good advice from cosmo that I thought I should put out there

[kaylasloth]

“Your body is not a problem that needs to be solved through strategic dressing”

[nevergenders]

YOUR BODY IS NOT A PROBLEM THAT NEEDS TO BE SOLVED THROUGH STRATEGIC DRESSING

[thingsilearnedfromcosmo]

Mod Post: So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen...

To my amazing, fun, supportive, lovely followers: 

It is time for me to tuck this blog into its bed and give it a kiss on the forehead and say goodnight.

I've had an amazing time these last two years. Although my updates were not always very consistent, I met a lot of incredible people, learned a lot, laughed a lot, and am honored that any of you ever liked the things I wrote enough to comment, share, and reblog them. 

Thank you all for sticking around for as long as you did and, if you ever feel nostalgic, feel free to sort through the archives (or browse through the tags). Keep fighting the good fight. 

xoxo,

Crystal

[hotcoins]

Opinions are like orgasms, most girls aren’t taught that it is okay to have their own and are only expected to further men’s.

[clown-dick-deactivated20131227]

how to get a thigh gap

put a guys head between your legs

[thingsilearnedfromcosmo]

doesn't need to be a guy, but the point still stands

[heavenslittlemachine-deactivate]

six things every girl will ALWAYS have in her purse:

another smaller purse

an aging picture of ringo starr

a six pack of heineken 

the complete box set of every season of Deadliest Catch

the hat you thought you lost at Disneyland when you were 5

a tiny, infinitely dense marble that contains our own universe

[feyminism-blog]

The premise of the film project is simple: a woman is asked to read an excerpt from a personally elected body of literature. (x)

[sweaterkittensahoy]

It’s called “Hysterical Literature,” and I have never seen a better example of questioning why it is that educated women (whether self or otherwise) always seem to be showcased as having no interest in sex. They all choose interesting books, and they all get off, and it’s fabulous.

It’s also brought forth a lot of comments (on youtube and otherwise) and WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS. IT’S SO DIRTY, and I feel that’s part of the point: Why is this considered so scandalous? It’s just sex. In fact, we don’t even SEE the sex, so the only thing that could be making people uncomfortable while watching it seems to be watching a woman enjoying getting sexual pleasure.

And maybe some of those people just aren’t into voyeurism  and that’s cool. But I’m betting a lot of them just don’t like to consider that maybe they think women having sexual pleasure is weird and that they think that you can’t have sexual pleasure as a woman and also have other facets and appreciation for “finer things.”

What I’m saying is, this whole series gives me a lot of thoughts.

[combatbrodom-deactivated2013042]

Always reblog because Hysterical Literature is the sexiest thing I’ve seen in a long while. 

[pyrlian]

Pretty sure I’ll wanna watch this later soooo

[amazonpoodle]

I think some reasons for why the people who probably do watch porn are made so uncomfortable by Hysterical Literature are a little more involved, since there’s definitely a decent market for porn in which women masturbate solo. It’s not JUST that each woman is experiencing sexual pleasure, it’s the combination of a bunch of aspects that are specific to this series:

each woman is without a partner, so she’s not servicing anyone;

she’s without a partner, so her attention is focused inward — this is completely about her enjoyment only;

she’s without a partner, but she does have a vibrator and her own body, so she isn’t dependent on any other human for her orgasm;

she’s reading a selection of her own aloud with some serious dedication, demonstrating that there are things she finds just as interesting as sex;

we don’t get any of the visuals or the melodrama or the POV that are usually considered to be the point of porn, so we can’t be titillated by her body (or her partner’s body/actions, or her reactions to her partner’s body/actions) — we don’t get to see what’s causing her pleasure, we only see how it makes her feel.

The whole production is actually super-dismissive of mainstream (straight) porn and its primary audience (dudes), in that it’s not particularly staged for the viewer’s pleasure (there’s no pretense that there isn’t a viewer — it’s just not about them) unless the viewer happens to be a person who gets off on the idea of women having some fantastic selfish orgasms, even when the viewer is in no way invited to imagine themselves participating. :D

FANTASTIC.

[misandry-mermaid]

Yes, the fact that these videos put 100% power into the subject’s pleasure is what I really took away from this.  Mainstream porn is so focused on making sure all the best angles are caught and eye contact is made with the camera and there is constant acknowledgement that there is a person sitting at home masturbating to it.  I’m sure that’s what makes people so uncomfortable watching this series; people who have undoubtedly come across porn and enjoyed it.  These women are getting off, without anyone’s help, for THEIR OWN PLEASURE.  The viewer is just a guest and their invitation does not include getting to see everything up close and personal, or even have their desires acknowledged or prioritized.  These woman are smart and capable of enjoying sexual pleasure and they can get themselves to climax on their own, for their own reasons and desires.  We’re just lucky enough to witness.

[thingsilearnedfromcosmo]

Things I Learned from Cosmo turned two years old today! Thank you all so much for following along, submitting suggestions for articles to review, providing thoughtful debates, and overall being super awesome!

Here's to you.

xox Crystal

[thingsilearnedfromcosmo]

Things I learned from Cosmo: Maybe women care about more than pleasing their man?

Rumors are circulating that Cosmopolitan Magazine's current editor-in-chief was overheard saying she wants the magazine to cover more politics.

Let me emphasize a few things about this alleged rumor: 1) someone is claiming the overheard the EIC, Joanna Coles, saying this and 2) it happened at a dinner party, where 3) Coles was sitting with an entire table full of women involved in politics. 

According to Politico:

“I really want Cosmo as a magazine to be more involved in political issues,” Coles said at a dinner in her honor at Georgetown’s Cafe Milano. “We’re the biggest read magazine — literally — in the world and I think it’s very important that we stay on top of political issues that impact young women: Health care, gun violence, the wage gap, how do we close it. These are all issues that I’m personally passionate about.”

What do y'all think?

[theloveyourselfchallenge]

[youarefknmajestic]

VANITY AS SELF CARE ALWAYS. YOU TAKE THOSE SELFIES, GIRL.

SHOW THE WORLD HOW FUCKING MAJESTIC YOU ARE.

[exgynocraticgrrl-archive-deacti]

Killing Us Softly 4, with Ed. D Jean Kilbourne

[visitpositivelysmittencom]

The Art of Saying and Respecting 'No'

You’ve been staring at a young lady across the crowded room for the better part of ten minutes, but she has shyly looked away every time you try to achieve eye contact. You approach her, in a manner you feel is polite, ask if she cares for a drink, she meekly says no.

How do you handle the situation? Would you smile your charming smirk and ask again, thinking she is playing hard-to-get? Would you remain in her area letting her know you came over just for her? Or would you respect her ‘no’ and go back to your seat?

We, sadly, live in a society where ‘no’ is not valued. Men and women alike are taught that playing hard-to-get is widely celebrated and a fun game. No matter how a person says no, it should be heard and valued.

Many women and men find their no’s are worn down until they mean nothing, like repeatedly asking if the woman at the bar wants a drink. She finally thinks if she says yes to the drink the person may finally leave her alone. Her initial ‘no’ now means even less to the person asking to buy her drink. They now think they can ask for more: her time, the seat next to her, her number, her body. She doesn’t owe anyone anything for that drink that was forced onto her. Her initial no should have been respected. (Click to keep reading.) 

[whoopigoldblum-deactivated20150]

beyonceisnotafeminist.tumblr.com

[crystalwrote]

http://beyonceisafeminist.tumblr.com/

[visitpositivelysmittencom]

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It’s a phrase frequently heard when we’re kids, something that sounds really catchy and helps us shrug off mean words that may be carelessly hurled at us.

In a perfect world, this saying would ring true, and words would...

[thingsilearnedfromcosmo]

Cosmo Taught Me: women try way too hard at sex and they still suck at it

Cosmo recently ran an article called "7 Moves You Think He Wants in Bed -- But He Really Doesn't." It basically talks all about how women think they need to try really hard to have successful sex, but the things we're trying are a little... over-the-top?

This article is written by a guy, Josh, so you know it's all true. Josh writes,

Everywhere you look, there's a new list of tips on how to "Drive Him Wild!" The message they send? "Hey, girls, if you'd only try harder, he'll like you more." But actually, most guys I know are pretty simple. 

Josh knows what's up. Women definitely project "try-hard" auras that are total buzzkills. I mean, why are they putting in so much effort? It's not like we live in a patriarchical society that thrives on putting women down and judging them for literally everything, especially in relation to whether or not they are pleasing men at all times? That would be a barbaric place to live! And yet, Josh says we have a tendency to listen to advice like...

1. Join him in his prework morning shower.

A guy's gut reaction: Oh, you mean the only 10 minutes of alone time I get all day?

Why it's not that sexy: This might be the only time all day a guy isn't dying for sex. ... There's nothing like getting ready for work with a round of awkward shower sex.

It's almost unheard of that women would try to invade a guy's space by trying to seduce him. Um, boundaries much? And how clueless can women be? This is literally the only time of the day guys don't want sex. So why not just wait until they're almost out the door, cramming some pop tarts in their mouth, then pounce on his dick and make him super late to work? That's sexy. 

And that's just the beginning...

2. Strongly hint that you're in the mood, then play hard to get and make him work at seducing you. 

A guy's gut reaction: Just what a guy wants when he gets home from work: more work.

WHy it's not that sexy: The Chase is a game for those who've just met. ... One of the great perks of a long-term relationship is the sure-thing sex. ... We worked hard to catch you in the first place, so let's just enjoy the fruits of our labor.

Look, guys don't want to deal with that "girl logic" that y'all have going on. You want sex, you don't, you want them to work for it, whatever. Nobody wants to play your vicious lady-mind games! How considerate are you? 

Let's think about this for a second: guys have worked REALLY hard to "catch" us in the first place. They, like, got dressed. And paid for your food. That automatically means you owe them sex. So stop trying to "play" like you aren't just going to give it up. Relationships = sure-thing sex = stop annoying your dude and just climb on his dick. 

3. Make love in front of a mirror so you can see every erotic angle of each other's bodies.

A guy's gut reaction: It's the nonerotic angles we're afraid of.

Why it's not that sexy: When you're scrutinizing every bit of action unfolding in the mirror, you'll likely see some seriously nonsexy angles.

As much as dudes might be worried that they'll be seeing their own "nonsexy" angles, what's really scary is this: they could see YOU in an unflattering way! And that's totally gross. If it isn't porn-star perfect, then it's a waste of time. And sex. So stop. 

4. Wear a top with a million little buttons and slowly undo them while he watches.

A guy's gut reaction: Is it cool if I watch baseball till you finish?

Why it's not that sexy: Sure, most guys enjoy a striptease, but there's a reason strippers don't wear tops like that. ... Guys like when you take off your clothes, but it's better if it doesn't take half an inning to get to the main event. 

This one is part of what's so brilliant about this article. While Josh is telling us all the thing we're doing WRONG, he's also telling us what we should be doing INSTEAD. It's totally meta and brilliant. Like, yeah, your shirt with all the buttons totally sucks, but guys like stripteases, so definitely do that. I'm onto you, Joshie, and I'm loving these subtle tips! I hope you're all taking notes!

That said, Josh has a point: if you're going to do a striptease, don't make him wait. His time is precious, babe, and he'd much rather be watching baseball than paying you any attention -- unless, of course, you're naked. So let's get to it, mmkay, and then be a good little girl and make him some dinner? 

5. Buy a super-pricey, super-vampy little lingerie for his eyes only.

A guy's gut reaction: The only time a guy notices lingerie is when it's hard to take off.

Why it's not that sexy: The one hot thing about lingerie is the mystery of what's underneath. If I already know what's under there, then what's the point?

So this one's a little tricky. Lingerie is good when you're just starting out, but only until you've had sex. Once you've already had sex, then he already knows what's under those clothes, and it's not even worth it to box your stuff up all nice. Guys just don't care. Either walk around naked, or go away. 

6. Stick a silk scarf in his bag with a note that reads, "You're going to need this later tonight" 

A guy's gut reaction: Why, is it gonna be cold out? 

Why it's not that sexy: Scarves have no place at sexytime. The same goes for most supposedly sexy props. ... Most of us don't know what to make of silk scarves and all that stuff, and the last thing we want in bed is to be confused. 

This is Josh's nice way of saying: guys are really fucking stupid. I mean, not more stupid than women are, but still pretty dumb. They are simple beings, and they like naked ladies, sports, beer, and meaty foods. Regardless of whether using props during sex turns YOU on, the fact is that it will confuse your partner, and possibly ruin the mood. Then you'll really be in trouble.

7. Read each other torrid passages from erotic books.

A guy's gut reaction: You know there's free porn online, right?

Why it's not that sexy: The average guy... [is] constantly being hit over the head with sex. The effect is that it's dulled our senses. We don't want to read a bedtime story. 

Again: it doesn't matter how you feel about these tactics, if they aren't turning on your partner, then they aren't worth your time. Remember that. Chant it. Tattoo it on your arm. Guys want REAL sex, not some over-the-top spoken word version. 

Josh really is doing us all a favor by laying these anti-rules (laced with subtle OTHER rules) out for us ladies. We are so totally clueless otherwise!

Here's the moral of the story: stop sucking at trying to have sex with and seduce your partner. No one cares about the great lengths you're going to to try to be this unattainable perfect woman and no one cares about your self-esteem and definitely no one cares about your sexual desires. Ladies: if you're going to have sex, do it right, or don't do it at all!

[venusianhag]

[fuckyeahbodypositivity]

If you feel like you need permission to indulge in vanity, this is it.

You are allowed to think you look beautiful, pretty, handsome, dashing, lovely, what have you.

You are allowed to take tons of selfies.

You are allowed to get lost in your own eyes in the mirror.

You are allowed to strut your stuff.

You are allowed to think you’re a pretty rad person.

You are allowed to love the fuck out of yourself.