Think Happy

Just a blog about my journal of happy thoughts.

[thinkhappyjournal]

March 3, 2019

Today I bought a Polaroid camera. It took a bit to figure out the lighting and stuff but it has been so much fun. Obviously, I used it to take pictures of the dogs. They are the best models in this world. 

Later tonight I went to Eli and Sam’s and we all watched Gremlins and Gremlins 2. Because apparently Eli’s favorite movie is fuckin’ Gremlins 2. 

[thinkhappyjournal]

March 2, 2019

Concert Season 2019 officially started with State Champs in Detroit!! The boys put on an incredible show. So much fun. The only picture I took was of the sign of the Fillmore [sic]. I also caught my very first ever pick! I could have cried when I caught Tyler’s pick. Wow. Cannot wait to see what the rest of Concert Season 2019 has in store!

[thinkhappyjournal]

February 11th, 2019

--- sent me the cutest Valentine’s Day card and a necklace with a puzzle piece pendant. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone so great. 

[thinkhappyjournal]

January 26th, 2019

--- just randomly bought and sent me a Stand Atlantic shirt? I knew she was sending me something because she told me to be on the lookout for it. But wow. She is really just the sweetest. 

[thinkhappyjournal]

January 23rd, 2019

Finally got the Descendents tattoo I’ve wanted since high school! ♥

[thinkhappyjournal]

January 17th, 2019

Tyrion (my husky) had surgery to remove the lump on his nose, and he came home from the vet today. Watching him try to do things and get around with a cone of shame has been so fucking funny. I know I shouldn’t laugh, but seeing him run into walls is just too damn funny not to laugh. 

[thinkhappyjournal]

January 12, 2019

Found out today that Scott taught Serenity how to say “5SOS.” But she isn’t so great with the words yet, so it sounds like she’s saying “pie sauce.” It is honestly the cutest shit I have ever seen in my life. 

[thinkhappyjournal]

January 11, 2019

Today I woke up to find out that Calum dyed his hair blond. So, like... That’s a thing, I guess. ♥

[thinkhappyjournal]

January 2, 2019

Honestly, I don’t really know how I’m supposed to start something like this. So maybe I’ll just start at the beginning. 

At some point toward the end of 2014 I started to get into a really bad place. Just, everything was seeming really dark for no reason. And it just would not go away. It didn’t get worse, really, but it didn’t get better. Until August 28th, 2015. My dad died. It came completely out of nowhere. I talked to him less than 12 hours before I got the call and he had seemed perfectly fine. But he went to sleep that night and had a heart attack and never woke up. It’s been more than three years but I still can hear my brothers voice so clearly when he told me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget anything about that night. I don’t remember anything about the week that followed. But I don’t think I’ll ever have the luxury of forgetting that night. 

Basically, after I made sure that everything was taken care of- the funeral was planned, my mom was eating and showering, my brothers were taken care of- I just shut down. Like, completely shut down. I stopped doing literally everything that made me happy. I stopped listening to music, watching TV shows that I loved, going out with friends. Everything. It was like I was living my life of autopilot or something. It was awful. I hated every second of it. I spent years thinking that I was eventually going to kill myself. I didn’t want to. I’ve never been suicidal. It was more like there was no other option weather I liked it or not. And it went on like that until 2018. I don’t know the exact day or anything, but it was a day in March. I had this weird urge to listen to music on my way to work. 

So I ran up to my bedroom and scanned through my shelf of CD’s since I didn’t have any music on my phone. As soon as I saw the case of the first 5 Seconds Of Summer CD, the bridge of Long Way Home was stuck in my head. So, I figured that CD was as good as any. I took it, got in my car, skipped to track 9, and that was that. But just as the song was ending, I realized that I was actually singing along to it. And then I realized that I had just made a series of decisions that had led me to being somewhat happy for 3 minutes or however long the song is. It was like a door suddenly opened up. If I could do that once, I could do it again. So that’s what I decided to do. 

I was able to see 5SOS twice last year, June 19th in Columbus and September 8th in Chicago. Both shows were fucking incredible. Being the same room as the group of people who did so much for me. I honestly can’t explain it. Just beautiful. 

I ended up going to six concerts in 2018. Each of them wonderful in their own rights. I started to get back into the things that I had abandoned before, and it felt amazing. I made a lot of progress. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come in just under a year. The problem is that I got so comfortable in that bad place. And it would be so fucking easy for me to fall back into it. 

That’s where this journal comes in. My hope is that it will act as sort of a guard rail, so I don’t fall back in. It says “think happy” on the cover because that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Whenever I see something that makes me happy, or remember something that made me happy before- basically anytime I find myself smiling, I’ll jot it down in this journal. 

Here’s to an amazing 2019!