Four whole fucking years. I’m in awe of how much love I could give to someone who lives across the world from me. Although things didn’t work out between us, I still find myself writing here, about you. Just like old times. It’s been about 2 years since we decided to break up and part ways. When I tell you, that was probably the hardest time of my life. 2020 was definitely the worst year of my whole life with my dad passing away and the break up. Losing you wasn’t something I needed that year. Until now, I still think about you and our relationship. We had something special and I can’t seem to forget the memories we both shared. I’m not trying to forget but it’s hard to ignore it. That’s something I don’t understand though, I haven’t talked to you properly in like two years but sometimes this break up still feels really new to me. Like I feel a lot for you but maybe not romantically more so as a friend and someone I really connected with. At some point in my life I considered you as family and as a best friend. I hate how things turned out between us because now we don’t even talk to each other, the worst part of this is that we both live in different countries so there’s no way of us even bumping into each other or seeing each other. I don’t know why we both don’t talk anymore. We talked a lot after the break up more so as if we were still together and I think that’s why we couldn’t continue as friends. I was the one who initiated to stop talking because I was hurting so much that we couldn’t be together. Although I knew you wanted us together again, you were so strong to keep yourself together and to be the one who stopped our relationship from progressing. I remember messaging you from time to time, but you were so keen to stop me and I eventually ended up stopping. It took me ages to get over you and to finally move on but when I tell you, it was the hardest thing to ever do. How was I ever able to move on knowing I had the most amazing best friend I could ever have? You were more than just a girl that I loved, you were everything to me. You were home to me whenever I felt like I didn’t have one. Writing about you brings sadness in me because I shouldn’t be writing about you, I should be writing about something that’s current in life and not someone from the past. But here I am writing about you. Nothing really interests me but for some reason I’ve been thinking about you, a lot actually. I don’t know if it's me missing you, or it's because all I ever really write about is you and that’s probably why I’m writing? Idk. I haven’t written about anyone else and I feel comfort when I talk or write about you. I dreamt about you the last day and since then I haven’t really stopped thinking about you.
You’re currently in a relationship and God when I tell you how happy I am for you, I really am. All I know is that your girlfriend is the luckiest. She has someone amazing like you. I hope you’re the happiest you have ever been and that you found your one. I will never be bitter about your new relationship, and if we ever do become friends again, all I want to hear about is your relationship and how happy she makes you. Or how happy you both make each other. You deserve everything good in this world and I only wish you the happiest life you can get out of this cruel world we live in. Me? I’m currently still healing. Healing from everything I have been through since we last spoke. I have moved on, and it was a long time when I actually got there, but I eventually did. I dated and dated but no one ever met the standards you gave off. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone like you again but that’s the beauty of the relationship we had. Everyone that I dated, I always looked for more in them and they could never give that so it just never worked out. Now, I’m currently single and not looking. I’ve been doing a lot of self loving and healing and I think it will take time for me to get out there again and start dating. I know what I’m looking for and want but it’s not time for me to be dating. I want to be a better version of myself until I find that one. I’m definitely not the same person as you knew before. I have changed, and I think I changed for the better. I grew up. I learned from my mistakes and am still learning as I type this. I learned how to love myself after all the fucks up I did during our past relationship. I started to accept things how they are and if they can’t be changed then so be it. I learned how to deal with my disappointment issues. I moved past my depression and anxiety. I think what really helped the most is my family and friends. If they weren’t here for me I think I would’ve been with my dad. They helped more than I could have imagined and I couldn’t be more thankful for them. I also started to travel a lot more, I started noticing what I like and what I dislike during these times and it’s a beautiful way to explore yourself while traveling. One major thing that changed is that I don’t write anymore. I don’t write in my journal. I haven’t since my dad passed away and since we broke up. I didn’t have anything to write about because I wasn’t inspired. You inspired me to write and you were the only reason why I was writing a lot. Even now, I’m writing but it’s about you. I need to surpass this and pick up my journal and start writing again. I loved writing, but every time I tried to write in my journal, it made me think of you and I wasn’t able to feel that hurt again so I eventually stopped. My mission in the new year is to pick it up when I find something interesting. Career wise, I’m the proudest. I’ve gotten myself to one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies and couldn’t be more proud of the role I’m currently in. I only wish that you found a career that you love and that inspires and motivates you to keep growing.
Being loved by you… I have been trying to finish that sentence but fuck, I don’t know how to explain it nor to finish it. All I can say is that, you were definitely the one that got away and I know I’m not your only ex to say that. I hope you know how much love you reflected on me for me to say that. You really are the one that got away. Can I just say something that doesn’t matter anymore? If we were to meet today, I think we could’ve worked out. I would’ve been a better version of who you met 4 years ago, and we would’ve worked out and explored a relationship that wasn’t online. It would’ve been more, it would’ve been what you really deserved. Being loved by you… was the best feeling I have ever felt and I cannot wait until I feel that again with the right one.
America, I wish you nothing but happiness, and I truly mean that. I hope she treats you right and I already know she does because you wouldn’t be in a relationship if she didn’t. You know your worth and I’m glad you do. You deserve everything, and I hope she is that for you. I hope she’s the one for you, the one your parents can meet, the one you fall head over heels for, the one you will marry and have children with and the one who you can call home. I hope your friends in the past are still with you and that you have explored new friendship’s. You deserve to be known because your presence in a room can fill up warmth like you did when I was with you. I only hope when you feel the lowest you have people to lift you up, to make you smile again and to let you know that everything will be okay because it will be. I hope your parents are still in your life and finally accepted you for who you really are and that they love you more than ever. If this is the opposite, I hope that the people you have in your life are filling that void. I hope that you overall are doing okay. I hope that you havent completely forgotten how to play the guitar and that your girlfriend inspires you to play. And Me? I’m doing great and will only be better from here. I’m very happy with where my life is right now. I’ve met new friends and I think they will be here in my life forever. My family is doing great, everyone has achieved all their goals and I’m the proudest for them. I hope one day you reach out to me where we can be okay to be friends and catch up about everything we missed in each other’s lives. I’ll definitely be up for that and I'll listen to you and let you be heard for what you need to say. If that’s not something you want, then that’s also okay. I’ll always be here no matter what you choose. I wish you the best of everything.
dededos
tangentwithtanner
romaincrisis
areudirty
andulkaphoto
