This is Dating in Tahoe.

The odds are good but the goods are odd. Three professional 20-somethings share their dating disasters in a small mountain town.

[thisisdatingintahoe]

Best/Worst

I am overanalyzing texts from a guy who lives in his car.

- Sweetface

[thisisdatingintahoe]

It's not always bad.

I banged a super hot guy in town from Australia for the week. He was gorgeous and good at sex. It's not all bad.

[thisisdatingintahoe]

The Freelance Botanist

One summer, I met a really cute guy at a wedding. We got drunk, we made out in the woods, he invited me to a mid-week Phish concert in Vermont, he told me we would make beautiful ginger babies*...you know, the usual.

After the wedding, he ended up driving me back to town** and we went out to dinner. During dinner, we had the normal getting to know you conversation, and I asked him where he worked.

His reply? "Oh, I run a couple of grow houses." Ah, so that's how he managed to attend mid-week Phish concerts across the country.

- Sweet Face

* Neither of us had red hair.

** Criley ditched me.

[thisisdatingintahoe]

This is a Sad One

Earlier this year, I found out my grandmother was dying and not expected to make it through the night. This meant that I would not be able to make it to where she was to say goodbye. I called my then-boyfriend and asked him to come stay with me, because I didn't want to be alone. He told me that he didn't want to come over, since he didn't want to miss his volleyball class.

The worst part, he wasn't even taking the class for credit!

[thisisdatingintahoe]

The Text Him (?): “

The Hairpin, Reading Between the Texts.

[thisisdatingintahoe]

Air Mattress #2

The same summer as Air Mattress Incident #1, I also had a short summer fling with a guy we called Mr. Worldwide. We were out at the bar; he invited me home. As we walked up the stairs to his apartment, he said "Don't make fun of me...I sleep on an air mattress."

I absolutely made fun of him. Our fling kind of fizzled after that.

[thisisdatingintahoe]

I never thought it would happen to me.

You know those times when someone farts in a room and it's disgusting?  What could be more disgusting than that you wonder?  Let me tell you because I never thought it would happen to me.  

I saw a friend of a friend I met almost a year ago who I thought was really attractive.  We started conversing at the bar and things were going well.  The after party continued at a friend's house not too far away and we ended up 'hitting it off.'  Everyone had been drinking so we all stayed at the house--we took the spare room.  

Besides the fact that the entire encounter was awkwardly in complete silence...HE FARTED IN MY FACE.  Yes, that's right, as I was pleasuring him, he farted in my face.  Needless to say my good friends Criley and Sweet Face had to reassure me that all guys are not that disgusting.  I will, however, never pleasure you again mr. friend of a friend with pretty eyes.  How did my detective skills fail me in this moment?  Lesson learned.  

--Detective Killer

[thisisdatingintahoe]

Eligible Men of Tahoe: Update

I dated that guy for two months.

- Sweet Face

[thisisdatingintahoe]

I Dated Ras Trent.

Unlike detective killer, I am NOT attracted to guys with dreadlocks. I have a job and wear deodorant. So does detective killer, but different strokes. Anyway, I met Ras Trent and he was beautiful (despite his blonde dreadlocks). We kindled our short-lived romance over a full Sunday of whiskey drinking. 

We had literally nothing in common other than that we wanted to bang each other. At one point, he showed me the crystal he wanted to weave into his dreadlock. The majority of his waking hours involved smoking weed in a snowcat. He wore sarongs around the house. He swam naked in lake tahoe in December. He kept a tiny bottle of acid in his freezer. 

Are you there, jah? It's me, criley. I will never again date a white rasta.  

[thisisdatingintahoe]

Natty Dreads

For some reason -- I am attracted to dreadlocks.  Don't ask.  I think it started when I dated someone with one dreadlock who cut it off because I changed his mind about love (so romantic, right?!).  Lucky for me, I found a dreadlock man in Tahoe!  As we walked hand in hand on that summer night we met, here's how part of the conversation went:

Me:  Sooo, what do you want to do in the future?

Dreads: I just wanna, like, grow my herb and shred...you know?  

No I don't actually.  It's great to have passions and aspirations but I'm not sure that's what I had in mind.  

Tip #1 for dating in Tahoe:  Don't have high expectations--unless your highest expectations are to shred and grow herb.  

Tip #2 for dating in Tahoe:  If you're looking for someone who has future goals and aspirations--don't ask!  

Needless to say, it didn't work out in the long run and I'm slowly weening myself off dreadlock infatuation.  Lesson learned.

-Detective Killer

[thisisdatingintahoe]

I banged someone that talked like John Ralphio. 

[thisisdatingintahoe]

The Eligible Men of Tahoe

A couple of weeks ago, criley and I went to a mixer for an organization that advertised itself as an organization for young professionals. And, as we are always complaining about the lack of young, professional men in Tahoe, we thought this would be perfect for us to attend.

For professional networking purposes, of course. I even brought my business cards.

We paid our $5 cover charge (I'm not sure exactly what that bought us, as we still had to pay for (overpriced) drinks.) and headed inside. With drinks in our hands, we were soon ready to begin networking. We proceeded to talk to only each other for at least 20 minutes. 

Eventually, we were approached by a friendly fellow I'll call "Stan". Stan introduced himself and asked where criley and I worked. We filled him in and returned the question. "Ummm...I'm kind of between jobs right now." Of course we met someone jobless at a mixer for young professionals. 

- Sweet Face

[thisisdatingintahoe]

Just keeping me grounded.

I think I normally do pretty well in this town of the odds are good, but the goods are odd. But just when I get too confident, the universe comes back around to keep my self esteem in check.

A couple of weeks ago, I met a guy at da club. We've been texting back and forth and ended up in the same venue tonight. We were both in the beer garden, sneakily checking each other out. He gave me the once over, and he literally lept over a fence to get away.

Just keeping me grounded.

- Sweet Face

[thisisdatingintahoe]

Air Mattress Update

Another summer, another break up, another chance to sleep on a "really amazing" sleeping pad. 

This time I took him up on the offer. He wasn't lying. It was a "really amazing" sleeping pad.

Also, he lives in a meadow.

- Sweet Face

[thisisdatingintahoe]

dangerous moves.

sometimes, drinking leads you to do dangerous things.

at a formal moustache and cocktails party, i met a young gentleman caller from the south with a college degree and a job. check!

how did i lure this scholar back to my bedchambers? dangerous move #1: the pinky move, which is dangerously effective. the pinky move has a 100% success rate when implemented correctly. ladies, pay attention. the pinky move works like this: during casual conversation (and without making eye contact) clasp pinkies.

that's. fucking. it.

boys love it. here's why: 1) it's adorable without being overly aggressive, and 2) it demonstrates physical contact, which to a man, means sex.  seriously. try it.

after successfully performing the pinky move on our virginia gentleman, i proceeded to wow him with my knowledge of civil war battle sites. the deal was done. enter dangerous move #2: letting a drunk stranger pedal you home on a beach cruiser. at 3 am. clearly, i wore the helmet. this poor boy proceeded to pedal my rusty bike home, with me sitting on the cushy cruiser seat, for ~3 miles. that is dedication, my friends.

did this man end up being my soul mate? hell no. did he end up actually getting into my pants? no. but getting to order men around is one of the only perks of dating to tahoe, and must be taken advantage of, even if it is stupidly dangerous.

until the next adele song,

criley cyrus

[thisisdatingintahoe]

Air Mattress #1

This summer, my long-term, long-distance boyfriend and I broke up. After an appropriate amount of time had passed, I decided that it was time for my rebound.

I'll admit, timing and convenience were more important than personality and normal-ness and I ended up making out with one of my coworker's roommates. He may have been wearing fishnet tights that night. Hey, it was a rebound.

The end of the night came, and he said, "I don't think it's a good idea if you sleep in my room."

Fine. I'll sleep on the floor of the hallway on my friend's sleeping pad.

He poked his head back out of his bedroom, "You know, I have a way nicer sleeping pad you can use..."

No thanks. I'll keep my dignity and sleep on the crappy air mattress.

- Sweet Face

[thisisdatingintahoe]

New Folsom Prison Blues

As a 3-year Tahoe resident, it's sometimes necessary to join online dating sites.  To my surprise, I received a message from Folsom.  Folsom Prison to be exact.  Here is the message.  

Wats gud I am currently In New Folsom Prison. Iam serving an 11 year sentence and would love to have contact with the out's. write me.....  ** Gone But Never Forgotten**  XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX P.O BOX xxxxx REPRESA, CA 95671

Yes, gone but never forgotten.  I will never be contacting you.  This is Dating in Tahoe.  Who wants a pen pal?

--Detective Killer