This feels absolutely weird writing it but i have a feeling that i need to write it somewhere because i have nobody to talk about it with.
Lexa's death shaped me as a person. That sounds weird right? And it is. I can't remember how old i was when i first watched the hundred...but i was definitely a young teen who had no idea what was happening in her brain. And the 100 was the first series i've genuinely fell in love with. And than came Lexa and Clarke...and than they killed her. And i cried like a baby- because Clexa was how i figured out that i'm a lesbian. And i genuinely yearn for the character because world is so freaking unfair. I'm 20 now- i will never rewatch the series again. I've written fanfictions about her, i've read HUNDREDS of them and thats how i even found out what AO3 is. I had to put a pause on reading anything with Clexa because my heart couldnt handle it...and now after years the past few days i did it again- watch edits and read fanfictions and create mine that will most likely never be published...and all the emotions came flooding back even stronger than they've had before. Am i not too old for this shit?
I don't think i will ever get over her death..and over Clexa in general. And im so mad and so freaking sad..i can't even describe how im feeling and i know i will have to stop talking about them again or i will go insane. I mourn someone i've never met and someone that didnt even exist.
If you have the same feelings..you are not alone. Death is not the end 🤍 I love you guys (and i cant even put my feelings about this into one post without genuinely loosing the will to live)
