Gender Journal

ENGL-2010-11

[penicillium-pusher]

Why are we gendering dog treats

[finallystarborn]

Because about 95% of the country looks at their dog and doesn’t think it’s some demi-gendered wonderbeast. Most of us work with in the male/female dynamic because we don’t exist solely on Tumblr.

[penicillium-pusher]

Don’t talk to me or my demi-gendered wonderbeast ever again

[redridinghoodandthesourwolf]

Smells like fragile masculinity

[destinyrush]

Tsitsi Masiyiwa. A true hero.

[rashemibabe]

I was about to say wtf is her NAME! I wish they’d stopped doing that and also what country of Origin!

[nevaehtyler]

I think Zimbabwe, they’re based in the UK though.

[boy-positive]

Normalize boys touching eachother without it being sexual. Normalize boys hugging. Normalize boys being affectionate. Normalize boys needing each other. Normalize strong friendships between boys.

[thoughtsaboutgender]

YES YES YES

[thoughtsaboutgender]

Yay, I’m glad some feminist models exist in stories. I’m glad there’s strong Disney princesses or whatnot. That doesn’t end the narrative. That doesn’t magically fix the problem. That’s not a cure all. All I’ll say is:

More please.

[thoughtsaboutgender]

“There are days I want people to like me more than I want to change the world.”

“Is silence not an act of violence, too?”

[thoughtsaboutgender]

Low quality picture but high quality content. 

I WANT POCKET EQUALITY

[thoughtsaboutgender]

Internet being awful.

So I saw this picture. And I’m pretty angry.

This is ridiculous. None of these things are male exclusive and almost none of them can be backed up. 

1) Guys gossip too. Guys have the ability to be toxic just as much as any female. It can be proven that guys are more overtly aggressive and females are more covertly aggressive (through social means, “drama” and “rumors” type stuff) but this doesn’t suddenly exclude guys or made them superior.  2) Of course gays can tell people your secrets. How the heck is this gender exclusive? This is the exact same argument as #1. I know so many guys who have spilled secrets of mine that they shouldn’t. And it’s been ugly. 3) Hell yeah they do. Everybody has their days. Most men I am close friends with are equally as moody as me, and many I know are much more sensitive and easily riled up (though I don’t want to use this as my argument, because this is not a generalization to all men, it is only my experience with many men, and I understand that). Boys can ABSOLUTELY be “super rude.” They have the capacity to be awful just like any other human being. This is also sexist and stereotypical. 4) Maybe they don’t try to steal the guy you like, but it’s not that simple. This comment is entirely heteronormative. And I have not met a single girl who has gone after someone a friend of theirs has been into. I am positive that this happens in the world, but it doesn’t seem common, and I’ve never witnessed it in my many circles of friends. This comment is bashing on girls: accusing all girls of being homewreckers and destroyers of relationships. It’s insinuating that if you have a close female friend, she’s going to try to undo you and wreck your life. What kind of friendship is that? That’s bullying; not companionship. This is catty behavior, not the bonds we form to be closer to other people. And this is definitely not reflective of female friendships. 5) They can easily be two faced. I don’t need to share my personal experiences with you. Check your own. I guarantee there’s some. I’m not saying all guys are two-faced, I’m merely saying that they all absolutely have the capacity to be, just like any friend you have of any gender. None of these traits are gender exclusive. 6) No. No, no, no, no. Stand up for you no matter what? Guys don’t do this, people do this. Good people. Friends do this. This is what people who actively care about you try to do. This is not exclusive to any gender in any way. I’ve seen so, so many girls stand up for girls in powerful ways. Not to mention that this comment is a bit skewed anyway, and that sometimes you can’t stick up for your friend if they’ve made mistakes and need to face the consequences. Love isn’t always blind loyalty, sometimes it’s caring about what’s best for a person and giving tough love because you want someone to be their best. None of this has to do with gender. NONE. 7) I don’t care. I’ll take nice people’s sweatshirts, regardless of gender. I’ve had girls give me many a comfortable, thick, warm jacket. This is so stereotypical and disgusting. It also insinuates that you as the girl are the constantly powerless and underprepared damsel in distress and that you should have a male friend to support you, provide for you, and take care of you. Sound like crappy benevolent sexism much? 8) Carry you when you get hurt? What the heck? No. I’m not a child, and I don’t need to be babied. I’ve never been in a situation where I was injured and had a man carry me somewhere that I can remember. This is again another ridiculous “have a guy take care of you” image, and is implying that men are strong and powerful and women are weak and powerless. This is also not a gender exclusive comment- just stereotyping. While I can’t think of men who have carried me, I can name a list of female friends who have. I’ve been carried from one end of a playground to the other just a few months back by a female friend half my weight because she cared about me, I was shoeless, and she didn’t want me to get splinters on the woodchips. Another time I watched a tiny-bodied friend of mine carried a girl across a parking lot on her back because there were bits of glass and painful gravel and she didn’t want this shoeless girl to be hurt. I’ve seen girls carry girls. It’s pure and caring. Just like any carrying is. This is ludicrous. Don’t teach girls they’re weak, don’t teach girls they can’t carry others they love, don’t teach girls small subtle messages like this. They add up, like water drips efface anything they continually splash upon. 9) No. No. No no no no no. No, no, no, no. NO.  NO. HEAVENS, NO. THIS IS NOT WHAT PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS ARE ABOUT YOU DO NOT GO SEEKING FRIENDSHIP FOR THE ASPECT THAT THIS NEW FRIEND MIGHT LOVE YOU. THAT’S CALLED COURTING, DATING. NOT BEFRIENDING. You know what? You might fall in love with one of your friends. Cool! That’s awesome. That’s great. That’s not applicable to this at all. It is not every girl’s dream to marry their best male friend. It’s not every guy’s dream to get in the pants of their female friends. Not every guy longs for his female friends. Not every girl is going to eventually fall in love with their male friends. This is not the endgame. This is a ridiculous movie story about people who say that girls and boys can never be just friends, and this comment reinforces the idea that girls and boys can never be just friends. Quit. In conclusion, whoever wrote this deserves a medal for sex stereotyping. I’d also highly recommend they find new friends, and ask around about other people’s personal experiences with friendship. I can’t believe how widespread this post is. I’ve seen it multiple times on facebook, twitter, and tumblr.  Stop spreading messages that promote gender roles that are so toxic like this.

[thoughtsaboutgender]

Don’t you just love how degrading female genitalia is as slang?

Sure, you know, we use men’s too. But those words, masculine genitalia words like “dick,” usually are simultaneous for “rude,” “forceful,” “inconsiderate” or whatnot. 

Female insults of this kind are much worse, meaning more like “coward,” “sissy,” “weakling,” and worse.

A part of my body is not a derogatory insult for you to use. It is not weak, it is not wrong, it is not lesser, and it is not something that you can use against me.

[thoughtsaboutgender]

It really hit me at musical rehearsal today that 

Musicals

Are

So 

Very

Incredibly

Seriously

G E N D E R E D

[thoughtsaboutgender]

But you know, now I have to overshare a hilarious story.

Along with the fact that most musicals are incredibly gendered (guy mostly sings lower than the gal, very common damsel in distress theme, guy saves the day most of the time, storyline similarities relating to gender... I could write a novel on this but I don’t have the time so I hope you know what I’m talking about), musicals are also something that are very stereotyped when it comes to the gender participating in them. Men in musical theatre have this huge stereotype to overcome that if they enjoy musical theatre they must be “gay.” It’s awful.

But way back in junior high school, so many boys wouldn’t join the musical because “that’s gay.” The girls well outnumbered the dudes and it seemed completely normal to me growing up that in paired off dances lots of the girls had to dance with other girls. There was a ridiculous idea, too, about playing the “man” in those partnered dances, and every girl wanted to just dance as the girl, whether they were dancing with a guy or not. I remember many a day that I made my friends happy in rehearsal by just sighing and learning the guy part to swing dances and whatnot. I took one for the team all the time just by shrugging off gender roles.

Joke is: now I’m a lesbian and I know all the men’s parts to dances. Win.

[thoughtsaboutgender]

It really hit me at musical rehearsal today that 

Musicals

Are

So 

Very

Incredibly

Seriously

G E N D E R E D

[thoughtsaboutgender]

You gotta surrender a lot when you start becoming an ally/advocate/etc. 

It starts with realizing so much is problematic, even your favorite, dearly beloved Disney. Ah Disney, why you gotta be problematic fave?

[thoughtsaboutgender]

Radio Song Replies.

I was with my roommate in the car and that song “Honey I’m good,” came on, the one with the lyrics:

“Nah nah, honey I'm good I could have another but I probably shouldn't I've got somebody at home It's been a long night here, and a long night there And these long, long legs are damn near everywhere Hold up now, you look good, I will not lie But if you ask where I'm staying tonight I gotta be like Nah nah, honey I'm good I could have another but I probably shouldn't I've got somebody at home, and if I stay I might not leave alone No, honey I'm good, I could have another but I probably shouldn't I've gotta bid you adieu and to another I will stay true I will stay true.”

So yeah, this is pretty mediocre lyrically. It’s a pop song, and this probably seems ridiculous to talk about. But I sat there in the car feeling like this song irked me a little and I talked it out with my roommate until I figured out why.

The man talks like he needs a medal for staying loyal in a committed relationship, and the lyrics in the song insinuate that with one more drink he would not be himself and he would cheat and it wouldn’t be his fault. He is made out to be some grand hero just for not cheating. And it hit me that if I girl sang these lyrics, this song wouldn’t be praised. She would be called dirty names, and told to just break up with her boyfriend since she clearly wants to hoe around, and she would get a lot of nasty feedback. Because a man singing this makes him sound loyal, but a woman singing this makes her sound promiscuous because she’s suggesting she could even imagine cheating.

A double standard? In our culture? Neeeeevverrr.

It got me thinking about all sorts of music and how much backlash pretty much every rap song on the radio would get if the male vocalist was female or pronouns were changed. Yikes. Yikes five times over. I can’t stop thinking about it now.

[thoughtsaboutgender]

Art

I wonder if when the gender of an author or visual artist is withheld from the viewer if they would be able to discern the gender of the person who created the piece. Art appears to me as something that closes the gap of gender; an area where we seem identical and human.

But maybe I’m wrong? And if so, it would be fascinating to see how and discover these trends.

[thoughtsaboutgender]

Reactions to “The Beauty Myth”

This article wasn’t extremely long but it still brought up some original thoughts based off of what it said.

First, I thought back to a few years ago when an Avengers movie was coming out. Scarlett Johansson was in an interview, and the interviewer asked her, "To get into shape for Black Widow did you have anything special to do in terms of the diet, like did you have to eat any specific food, or that sort of thing?"  The same interviewer had asked Robert Downey Jr. better and deeper questions.  Scarlett didn’t answer the question; she just turned to Robert, not addressing the interviewer, and said,”How come you get the existential question and I get the rabbit food question?”  It sent a wave in the media, because women don’t often call out sexism so publicly. But it was a very real example of sexism that still exists today.  The man was asked how he approached his role and whatnot and the girl was asked what she ate.  It sends a subtle message that women’s role as actresses (no pun intended, but I guess it’s there) is to be thin and beautiful, and men’s roles are to be deep and real.  In other words, men should be working and women should be pretty.  Sound like oppression?

In our class discussion, someone mentioned the amount of time we spend doing our makeup, and I thought back to when I was younger.  My father thought I wore too much makeup (which was ludicrous, looking back, because I was fifteen or so and I hardly wore any.  But that’s besides the point).  But something he said that stuck with me was, “Imagine if you spent the amount of time you did doing your makeup in the morning on a certain skill instead.  How well would you get at that skill?”  It kind of messed me up for a long time and still messes me up.  Is makeup a trap to keep women busy and insecure?  I definitely was insecure back then.  I remember my father offering me money to go a day without makeup and I wouldn’t even take that deal. Even that young I had already learned that being pretty is the rent you pay to exist in the world as a “real” woman.

And it is.  In the text it talks about beauty being currency.  This is absolutely true.  There’s statistics that say women who wear makeup progress and get raises and promotions more than women who don’t, and that in interviews, more attractive women have a much higher chance of getting a job over women who did not wear makeup or appear as “pretty.”

I loved how near the end it mentioned “A Doll’s House.”  That play meant a lot for me. It caused a roar among people, and was called “the door slam heard around the world.”  Many hated and criticized the show for various reasons, many men and women furious that this show would encourage women to leave their children or leave their role as a housewife.  Because what else can women do with their lives?  And don’t they owe it to their husband and society to take care of children and be a perfect, good-looking, good-behaving doll?

Something I reblogged earlier that is a few posts down had a powerful thought. How many industries would go out of business if women woke up and decided they loved themselves and were comfortable in their bodies?  How many of these industries are run by old, white men?  How much of women’s celebration of being beautiful is actually something used to control and manipulate them?  Spend your money on haircuts.  On hairstyles.  On hair dye.  On hair products.  On foundation.  On mascara.  On blush.  On lipstick.  On facial soaps and cleaners. On things for your pores. On lotions to make your skin glow. On perfumes. On eyebrow shaping supplies.  On bleach and hair bleaching.  On wax and waxes. On nail polish. On pedicures. On nice-smelling toiletries and nice-smelling shampoos and products that are more expensive as a women’s item and less expensive for a higher quality men’s item. Spend your money on diets they tell you will work and slimming teas and weight loss programs and liposuction and cosmetic surgery... the list goes on and on and on.

I once had a male friend that told me I should get liposuction. I thought he was kidding at first, but he absolutely wasn’t, and he told me my “baby fat” was never going to naturally leave. I remember how much I was hurt by this and how seriously I took it. I let his opinion have way more gravity than it should have. Not to mention that back at that age I was perfectly healthy and in shape, and had a healthy BMI and everything. And the worst part was that instead of apologizing he tried to make it better by saying he had a crush on me, as if that should flatter me and make it better. That was well before I even came to see how much power men held over me without me realizing it.

And they do. When I am with my female friends, I care less about my appearance. They know I’m a human who has a face under my makeup, curves in places, and all those normal things that make me who I am, and yet I have hardly ever felt judged by my female friends. In fact, I have been built up by them many times- and for that I feel lucky. But men hold something over me for some reason, even now. I feel the need to look presentable around men and the strong urge for them to like me, and I constantly try to combat it but it has just been so deeply engraved that it is going to take years to try and improve. I wish I could see the count of how many hours of my life I have wasted, without knowing it, to appease men.  I wish I had a measurement of how many tears and how many notches of insecurity I gained by thinking I was not good enough for men. I wish I could visually see how many negative messages I was told throughout my life in this aspect. For me, reality hit when puberty hit: time to look pretty, or pay the price.

Clearly this piece had a large amount of relevance to and resonated with my life. I love how the articles we are reading are really making me think and relate. Opening my eyes is why I’m here in college.  I’m out to understand as much of the world around me, and I find it interesting that some of this learning has been also about myself and my culture. Things are always more complex than they seem, and so much remains unseen.

[thoughtsaboutgender]

I read in another textbook boys and girls take criticism differently, and I see it in real life and see it in myself...  Girls are more likely to have criticism drastically affect their self-esteem.