Thoughts From A Heart @thoughtsfromaheart - Tumblr Blog

not sure if this will make sense to anyone besides me but: the antidote to negativity is not positivity, its warmth

positivity tells a sad person that there is no reason to be sad. warmth asks the sad person if they want to go get some ice cream

ares-skittles

Been a moment since I saw this. Glad it’s back on my dash when I needed it.

#<3

road0flife

bramblefilm

the feminine urge to wander the forest in a flowing white nightgown under the moonlight

vikingfunerals

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you're supposed to help your friends move even if it's hard work. or stay up with them when they're sad even if you're gonna lose sleep. you're supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that's how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they're sick. you're supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there's actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.

thenatsdorf

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

immaplatypus

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck. Not bad luck. I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

official-mugi

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

just-things-i-enjoy

Him face

luccorvus

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

catsbeaversandducks

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)

datlokibumtho

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (3)

datlokibumtho

Reblogging him face again for good luck in 2025.

iamtotallycool

Reblogging him face for good luck in 2026

screambirdscreaming

One of the big things I struggle with functions-wise is getting stuck in what I call optimization loops. Where there's several tasks that need doing, and some would be optimized by having another task done first, but it can't be shaken out into a clear executable task list.

Simple example: I need to shower, eat food, and go to grocery store. I'm hungry and don't have energy to cook, so the easiest food option would be to get a deli item at the grocery store. But I want to shower before leaving the house. But I don't have energy to shower without eating first.

It feels very silly to get stuck on such a minor dilemma for as long as I have! But there are times I've spent hours looping through this list, trying and failing to start it anywhere. And the only way out, I find, is to manually override it: to catch it happening and say, fuck it! I can go to the grocery store stinky! It's fine!!

It could be considered a subset of perfectionism, because the override very much involves hitting yourself with the idea that it's ok to do things suboptimally. But it feels like it comes from a slightly different place. As someone who struggles with executive function, I get myself through a lot of tasks by trying to optimize to the smoothest, lowest-friction way through. The task order that minimizes having to do any step more than once, or having to remember too many things at a time. If I can arrange my tasks just right, sometimes I can get one task to cover part of the work of doing another! And if I can put my tasks in an order that feels natural and ideal, I can lower the energy of activation it takes to get moving. And, sometimes, avoid the choice paralysis of not being able to pick a task out of a list of equal priority.

Except that, obviously, sometimes the optimization process throws up glitches of its own. There's the closed loop I described, and there's also another catching point where a task I have the mental energy and wherewithal to do gets stuck behind a task that's too big/intimidating/difficult to tackle. For example: I just sent some emails I've been procrastinating on for over a month, because I need to set up a new email address, and I was telling myself it'd be better to get that set up before I contacted people, because it would save me the hassle of dragging a bunch of conversations over to a new account when I did get it set up. I still haven't made the other email! But I realized that hypothetical future hassle was not worth the delay of not sending those emails for as long as it's going to take to actually get my brain together to figure out a new email service.

Surprisingly, doing something like this often actually makes the difficult task I was stuck on easier! Another thing I struggle with is a flinch reaction from tasks that are both pressingly important, and unapproachable to do. The more I need to do a task immediately, the more stressed and overwhelmed and self-recriminating I get about the fact that I don't know how to even start doing it. It gets so bad I can't even think about it directly - I think about the general shape of it, flinch, and divert my attention so I don't panic.

And when I've got a minor, pressing task stuck behind a big nebulous scary task, it presses the unapproachable task forward, makes it urgent, and that makes it harder to figure out how to do. If I can get around it, and do the actually pressing task in some contrived way that pushes some miscellaneous messy consequences forward, it takes pressure off the big task. And then I can actually think about it, without panicking, which makes it possible to actually work on doing it.

That last point also often applies to asking for help. I have a weird hangup here: I find it excruciatingly difficult to ask for help if I haven't at least *started* the thing I need help with. Which gets into the same dynamic: I have a big unsorted task I can't think about directly without panicking, or the path of steps to doing it that I've managed to figure out starts with one I can't make myself tackle, so I'm stuck doing nothing with no way in. Asking for help means admitting to someone that there is going to be mess, that I can't tackle the problem in the optimal front-to-back way so there's going to be inconvenient problems generated in some of the steps that will have to be dealt with at other steps, and some of that inconvenience might be to people other than me!! But just managing to say this, to admit this upfront, is sometimes enough to cut the gordion knot of not being able to start anywhere.

So, ok, it is a little bit about perfectionism. But perfectionism that comes from a slightly sideways place: the desperation to avoid creating problems in the future, to the point where instead you create problems now.

hypokeimena

hope this is okay to reblog - those optimization loops are absolutely my most disabling exec dysfn issue, too, and i often have to remind myself of this comic--ESPECIALLY "get rid of secret rules." that's been the most helpful piece of advice for me, personally, largely because it puts into words even the idea that there might be secret rules i don't even notice i'm following. now that it's something i even think to check with myself, it has become so so so much easier to realize that i can just Stop Doing That.

#hey it's me

sophsun1

Kiki's Delivery Service (1989) dir. Hayao Miyazaki

bravelyforwardhangingon

This... Is how I feel most of the time.

d3cayedxang3l

of course I answer fast, I don't have a life

boyvulation

Of course I answer fast; I have a life but you are a priority in it and I value you above many things I do on a day-to-day.

prgnant

lest this be lost in the bellicose noise of the day

ahoneesan

the word ive heard is theres no telling when this might get sewn up. jump on this while you can, girls.

pilgrimattinkercreek1974

Oh ok so it turns out ive been borrowing grief from the future ! it turns out ive been preparing to lose the things i love rather than basking in the light of them while they last. Maybe i should nt do that

i-am-a-fish

I like the sun :)

blue-moon-echo

did you know that the sun likes you too? the sunlight is little sun hugs and kisses it gives you because it likes you.

horreurscopes

should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

spookykobold

i' m something of a pigeons and rats myself

blue-moon-echo

after which i make the decision to shower first, then spend another hour standing over my sink doing nothing, potentially naked

#lol #hey it's me

shiloh-the-shidiot

we should be celebrating aro people actually. like this might be a hot take for some but we should not only be tolerating their existence we should be supporting them and giving them shout outs in pride posts along with all other identities no matter how obscure.

hot take that is hopefully not as hot as I imagine it to be but aromantic people should not just be a side note or a thought at the back of your head. We should be celebrating aro people.

theonyxstate

we should love aromantic people, even! platonically. boop their noses! make non relationship content! self organize! bake them cookies! love their queerplatonic partners! reframe your way of thinking about romance! pay them! stop centering romance in most areas of life! hug them! call them hot! stop framing romance as a solution to all life problems and the key to happiness! rebel! revolutionize! educate yourself! love your aromantics!

#quiltbag #aro