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Comments: It’s not reclamation if xou’re using it to mean something negative.
[Image ID: A userbox with a red border and a pale red background. In the left side box is clipart of a red octagonal stop sign with a silhouette of a hand held up in a "stop" signal. In a dark red font, it reads "Stop using the r-slur." /End ID.]
the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time
another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world
Sad I have to write this out, but abuse and trauma have zero benefits to anyone’s life. You can learn anything the kind way. You can become anyone the kind way. There is no reason whatsoever to traumatize you. Everything can be done without abuse.
a lot of people seem to think that sexual harassment only “counts” if it suggests sexual desire/intentions towards the victim
“ha ha what do you mean, it’s just targeted sexual humiliation towards someone I’m not attracted to, that’s fine lol”
For most people, life doesn’t truly begin until they’re 26-30 or older. The way we romanticize and obsess over youth is super harmful. Your life is not over at 21, I promise you. It’s just beginning
every r/autism post: yeah my partner hates the way i communicate and yells at me all the time for misunderstanding things and not performing emotions correctly is this a sign im in the wrong?
AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD
#14441d | #55cd73 | #0c1e0f | #e46769 | #0f4866
i dont know why people are like ‘we need to bully people so they are more normal’ when if the internet has been anything its been a series of longitudinal studies showing that prolonged large scale bullying tends to lead people to becoming increasingly weird, paranoid, sometimes off-putting, traumatized, emotionally troubled, ethically disregulated, etc. even unethical modalities like behaviorism don’t focus exclusively or primarily on punishment. like people should literally just be honest and say they want more bullying because they like to do it and have fun hurting other people
also, i know this might sound corny but like.... please be nice to other people online. not even trying to say this in a like a, 'oh because you never know what they might be going throughhhh' kind of way just like. be nice man. stop hate following along with things. be more patient with strangers. stop trying to get off cunty one liners for your five seconds of smirking like a dreamworks poster protag.
ive said it before but as a tool and a 'place', i really love the internet, genuinely. i dont like the resignation that it has to be, and stay, a place thats full of misery and fighting. ive met a lot of really wonderful people here, and i think we could all have a nice time together if everyone did their part to make it so that was possible. im not speaking down to you as someone whos never made these mistakes, im asking as someone whos also made them alongside you.
some advice for people entering their 20s:
-dont go to the emergency room with dental problems. go to the dentist
-bagged greens are cheaper than pre-made salads
-taco bell is NOT worth the money anymore. 1/4 cup mayo, 1/4 cup sour cream, 3 tblspoons pickled jalapenos+2tblspoons of the jar liquid, 2 tsp paprika 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp onion powder salt+pepper. all in your blender. creamy jalapeno sauce
-dont quit your job unless you have a bunch of job interviews lined up immediately after
-use resources. food bank, unemployment, housing assistance, financial aid, etc. yes there will be paperwork. but Do It
-dont stay awake longer than 20 hours. you Will start to become impulsive and cranky. resting for 20 minutes is better than trying to stay awake
-for every 2 hours you spend looking up close at screens, spend 20 minutes looking at something far away from you. stretch your wrists a lot
-dont do that yoga stretch where you roll your head around your shoulders. youre grinding down the joints in your neck
-be nice to your friends, bullying them as a joke gets old. if you need a ride somewhere at least offer them gas money
-brush your teeth at any time of the day but especially before you sleep. dont snack in bed if you can help it. make your bed the Clean Teeth Zone. keep floss picks by your bed
-dont tell your boss youre adhd/autism/depression/suicidal. dont trust your coworkers with that. you NEVER know how people will take it and its none of their business
-train your pets to go to the front door when they hear a fire alarm
-get regular oil changes
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I used to be a proficient googler who never wasted a word but since Google is near useless no matter how good you are at it now I have reverted to just typing in entire questions like an old person
Type the word "fuck" into your query
"Fucking corn bread recipes" will disenshittify your search results as opposed to just "corn bread recipes"
by Alex Berger
Kanenori
we are broadly so fucking bad at being good friends to people who Cannot Leave
there are people who Cannot Leave. hopefully it's not the case for their whole lives but it is the case for them RIGHT NOW. and even trauma and abuse aware communities are shitassfuck bad at knowing how to be a supportive friend to these people and I find it soooo fucking frustrating. it's condescension and scolding and unrealistic standards and victim blaming and minimizing all the way fucking down .
It's so important to educate yourself about why people stay in bad situations and how to help someone who can't leave or goes back. Any sentence starting with "You should just" is bad, but "You should just leave" is one of the worst.
thank you for those links!
"Venus appears largest when in the crescent phase." Natural History. December 1949.
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