...

nothing but longing.

[thrillhunt]

[to kill a mockingbird] was my favorite as a kid ... all the girls were in love with gregory peck. i wasn't in love with him. well, a little. but no. i wanted to be him. independent and private kim wexler of amc's better call saul as interpreted by meira (21+, they/them). writing blog mostly reserved for trusted mutuals; i may not follow back if i don't already follow you elsewhere. minors and non-rp blogs please dni. on permanent semi-hiatus. blogroll under the cut. rules here.

@st4rwitness. largely animanga centric multimuse.

@b1ackliste. mostly live action media-oriented multimuse.

@enflam3d. horror-based mutlimuse with an original plotline.

@bhrame. dual-muse featuring anthy himemiya and utena tenjou of revolutionary girl utena (1997).

[nursewashing]

❛ ah... i see. ❜ or, so anya thinks she might. she takes a sip of her wine, a rare-indulged in vice. ❛ sorry, i'm not particularly well-versed in legal matters, ❜ the nurse admits with a self-effacing chuckle, ❛ but i am curious... do you enjoy what you do within corporate law...? is it, um, fulfilling work? ❜

[thrillhunt]

she knows the correct answer is, yes, she enjoys it despite it all.  the thought leaves her with a brackish taste in the back of her throat, and it’s one she swallows down with the drink.  she had nursed no secret, naive hope that she would be running a whiteshoe firm of her own soon enough–   she leaves that to grisham and his books.   “ it’s not what i thought it would be.  but i can make it worth it. ”  ambition, she has plenty of.  kim grasps the rim of her glass, and turns to her.  “sorry– what about you?  you said you were a nurse? ”

[thrillhunt]

kim's kc shirt is thrifted, definitely has been around since before clinton was inducted, and she absolutely doesn't care for baseball.

[thrillhunt]

blood in the water and they are in the company of sharks.   kim presses her lips together, palms gripping the back of the chair as she places it back.    with care.   with all the will anyone would summon in calling family they had not talked to in years.  when she does address matt, she is deliberate:   “that could work.”   men with small bikes and window blind smiles out of midwestern plains slammed the door in your face first.   there’s a sliver of a win, here.    if they would listen.   “plainly speaking,  this is your only chance.” / @devilletting

[thrillhunt]

the more you want it, the less you're gonna get back. songs for kimberly nomiddlename wexler. mutuals may interact.

[thrillhunt]

🧪 for Tobias ^___^ an eye for an eye

@yeonban, rp relationship meme: mad scientist edition.

🧬 Personality:

grating || irritating || frustrating || boring || confusing at best || awkward || unreasonable || psychotic || disturbing || interesting || engaging || affectionate || aggressive || ambitious || anxious || artistic || bad tempered || bossy || charismatic || appealing || unappealing || creative || courageous || dependable || unreliable || unpredictable || predictable || devious || dim || extroverted || introverted || egotistical || gregarious || fabulous || impulsive || intelligent || sympathetic || talkative || up beat || peaceful || calming || badass || flexible

🧠 First Impression of Them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them

🕸️ Level of Friendship:

none || stranger || wary ally || temporary associate || co-conspirator || reluctant friend || I tolerate them || casual friend || true friend || emotional support || best friend || ride-or-die || I’d kill for them || I have killed for them

🩸 Would You Save Them in a Life or Death Scenario?:

no || not unless I’m paid || probably not || if I could benefit from it || maybe || yes, without hesitation || I’d trade myself for them || I’d revive them in a cursed ritual || I’d rewrite time for them

🫀 Romantic / Intimate Potential:

none || no interest || hate-fueled tension || I fantasize about them || drunk kiss once || friends with benefits || one-sided crush || mutual pining || messy situationship || power couple in the making || I’m obsessed || we’re doomed but I want it anyway || I’m afraid of what I’d do for them || already together || it’s complicated || too dangerous to love || yes, but it will destroy us

💋 What Is the Chemistry Like?:

nonexistent || platonic only || subtle and slow-burn || unspoken but obvious || volatile and intense || toxic but magnetic || they complete each other || obsessive || calm and safe || taboo but irresistible || dysfunctional || gentle and healing || tragic but real

🥀 Romantic Past:

no history || never met before this || one kiss and years of silence || ex-lovers || friends-to-lovers || enemies-to-lovers || something almost happened || on-again, off-again || they broke my heart || I broke theirs || tragic ending || rekindling old feelings || never stopped loving them

🩹 Emotional Damage:

none || unspoken tension || betrayal || abandonment || broken trust || guilt || grief || shared trauma || jealousy || fear of hurting them || fear of being vulnerable || I blame them || they blame me || we hurt each other || it’s still healing || we’re trying again

🕯️ Would You Betray Them?

already have || definitely || if I had to || only if they betrayed me first || depends on what’s at stake || never || I’d betray others for them || I’d die before I betray them

🧪 How Morally Aligned Are You With Them?

polar opposites || uneasy alliance || occasional agreement || it’s like looking in a mirror || I admire their goals, not their methods || we’re built the same, just on different paths || we could be a powerful force together || I want to change them || I want to understand them || I think we were meant to find each other

🧷 Comfort Level With Them:

zero || anxious || defensive || on edge || unsure || depends on the day || they make me feel safe || they see through me || I can be myself with them || I can’t tell if I’m safe or trapped || I crave their presence even when I shouldn’t

[thrillhunt]

he isn’t cryptic.  he’s suave and dramatic, but not cryptic–  at least, not in this instance. kim is coiled caution and assurity at the heart of it, and she can feel an inkling of self-interest go ahead of her, sniffing like a bloodhound.  by the time she reels it back in, he must have read the signs:  a woman walks into a bar looking for something larger than her. no deals will be made.  you know how the rest goes–  “are you saying i should quit?” / @yeonban

[thrillhunt]

“no, i get what you mean.”  does she?  kim is barely a fourth of her way into this tequila. this is the very beginning of an open mixer at a bar she barely knows, and she has a very not-a-lawyer for company, it seems.  “it’s corporate law-adjacent.”  boring to most, and she expects the conversation to stall. “nothing like the practice.” / @nursewashing

[thrillhunt]

the mural on the farside of the hall is built to outlive the recession.  in it, she could trace the ugliness of the mid-eighties and the subduedness of the nineties.  if kim looked past it, she thinks she can see some obscure settlement in colorado and the shop that could have housed it.  but she’s neither here nor there and feels like anthony quayle in the wrong man–  insurance fraud, manslaughter, the spouse on the phone barely hanging on by a thread.  what she lacks is the heady rush.  restlessness seizes the tips of her dark heels, and they rattle against the floor.  she knows what he is, minus the badge and the obvious uniform:  there aren’t many men who walk with that pointed purpose.     her contempt isn’t universal, isn’t bright and hard, and isn’t poisonous.    she holds it in some reserve, presses it down under her feet.   “my job,”  she says, “is to give my clients the best possible representation they can get.  not act as a confidant. if you have his name, you should have his number or address.”  / @h4wlin

[envius]

here come the waterworks

[alexpdcl]

my parents

[thrillhunt]

only a few men stay behind this late in the afternoon,  rearing for a day drink,  or a check that needs to be deposited.   she isn’t throwing caution to the wind,   but when the smoke of her coffee curls lazily in the dusty light,  kim feels her resolve give way.   these were things she did as a first-year associate in the copy machine heart of HHM,  and sitting for an otherwise public trial for –what, the first time in a few years?–  leaves her with the same feeling;  the thrill of certainty,  her future right under the callused heels of her palms.  so she links her ankles, tucks her legs under her seat, and remarks:   “close shave.”    /   @heartinhands

[thrillhunt]

what are your hands covered in? tagged by. @yeonban, ty chris!!

stars. they burn, don’t they? and yet you still hold on. the flesh on your palms peels back, your fingers burning down to bone. your tissues char and break away, your blood boiling inside your hands. the heat rushes up to kiss your face and chest, a sunburn in the dark and yet–yet you hold on, because they are beautiful. it hurts, but you see only the beauty of the moment, none of the pain. all of that suffering is worth a few moments of brilliance, isn’t it?

tagging. @yukikanan, @h4wlin, @survivalthing, @heartinhands / @devilletting

[thrillhunt]

“it’s not really that serious of a charge.” she shifts her weight, as if to recenter herself. “i’m told the complaint came in from a residence.” she empties her voice of any amount of surprise; concerned mothers and scared girlfriends call her with the same question: this won’t mean anything like a life sentence, would it? the answer is always an assuring no. “if they can’t prove criminal intent, they can’t hold him for too long.” and they shouldn't. her eyebrows curve up. “what were you told?” / @cinderlynx

[thrillhunt]

in other news: kim reads sidney sheldon books????

[thrillhunt]

more details i need to pick on: the personalized, floral "K". the candle. the bottle and the basket with the little bird?? (she has birds everywhere in her apartment.) the way everything is coordinated for color and pattern and theme.

[thrillhunt]

there's this thing right here too...

[thrillhunt]

okay, not really controversial take because it has been talked about before: the scam kim and jimmy pull on ken wins isn't kim's first scam, but it is the first scam she's ever had fun with.

[thrillhunt]

scamming as a legitimate way to survive and at least one tiny part of it being vindication in her childhood + probably late teens, as rhea put it -> abstaining. hard. she left red cloud, she's never ever going back to what she had to be and what she was likely in the danger of being reduced to -> she sees herself in jimmy and she gets him. she also gets why he does what he does, but she isn't looking forward to toeing or crossing the same line she used to -> ken wins and the zafiro añejo scam. at least a part of the need comes with a thrill she knows so well and a part of that thrill is this sense of control over people who she feels has always had a little too much power -> practices, but gauges her needs. she never views scamming as a tool in the way jimmy does, but she won't exceed what she thinks is justified (what she does for mesa verde) -> she escalates. it's a steady, steady, honestly deliberate slip towards it being a means to an end (what she does against mesa verde). -> howard. she was doing it for jimmy, she was doing it for her.

[lustcannibalism]

I need a cigarette and my mothers approval

[lustcannibalism]