[commanderchr1st]

This is my uncle. There are many like him, but this one is mine.

My uncle is my best friend. He is my life. I must master him as I must master my life.

[fullrnetalwindbreaker]

WITHOUT ME MY UNCLE IS USELESS

WITHOUT MY UNCLE I AM USELESS

[joshlovesyou]

[salmonballer]

a masterlock? bro you are practically free-use

[number1mongrel]

"You hear that? They're saying The Odyssey doesn't even have nobody!"

"They've got nobody in the Odyssey?"

"No I'm saying they don't got nobody."

"Nobody's there?"

"Nobody's not there!"

"So everyone's there?"

"Everybody but nobody!"

[7dmom]

Omg the sweetest girl in the whole world sent me a friend request a bit too early into the relationship. Denied. Going on my list of sickening desperate fools.

[beargirlcock]

yeah bossman lemme get a pack of the uhh, siscon yuricest envelopes

[westerberg]

me to my bf (if I had one): omg.... pavements touring next year... I hope I can see them live ❤️

my bf: pavement...girl u know you can just go outside if you wanna see that 🙄 there are roads everywhere in [town we live in]

me: it’s like you don’t even listen to me... I think we should break up

my bf: whaaaa....

[sept 2022]

me: wow... pavement.... wait... stephen malkmus???

Stephen malkmus: yeah it’s me... ur cute... wanna get out of here?

me: 😳 of course I would... but your wife?

Stephen malkmus: don’t worry about it 😏

me: (wow... okay...) coool.... you wouldn’t believe the idiot I broke up with a year ago... he thought your band was roads

Stephen malkmus: oh haha

[milk5-deactivated20260704]

The science behind THC + alcohol as a combination is literally soo interesting because it basically causes the crimson red duckling in your body to confront the serpent in the bronze vessel of your heart. Basically you feel good because the duckling is able to eat the harmonious seeds stored within the vessel and transfer these positive energies into your body. You can have bad highs when this happens if the duckling awakens the serpent and it bites the duckling. The interesting part is when you ingest alcohol after THC because it floods the vessel and causes the serpent to fall into a deep sleep. The duckling never gets attacked by the serpent when this happens because it is unconscious and the duckling is actually able to get fat from the harmonious seed, which causes an enjoyable sensation.

[bigboysdrinkmilk]

Listen, no offense, but if you plopped me down into Whoville, I would rule those Whos with an iron fist within two weeks. Every Who down in Whoville, so weak and so small, would cower before me. They’d cower and fall.

[yandere-angela]

[grindrbooks]

[fluffysheeple]

christian bad driver: my guardian angel watches over me, I don't need to look before I merge

atheist bad driver: I will rely on my own skill to see myself safely home after a mere 8 drinks

agnostic bad driver: no one knows where all these dents and scratches came from

[thucydideskongquest]

the boy snake charmer from the orientalism cover every few years: hey guys I'm all grown up now and I'm recreating the orientalism cover! also I'm suing edward said for exploitation

[itsybitsyjoltik]

we can’t keep letting him get away with this

[angelicguy]

undertale: chara wasnt... a good person

sophomore year high school me high on nyquil playing:

[jame7t]

Welcome to Pillbug+, Sorry, no you can’t unsubscribe. This is Pillbug+.

[glavilio]

mother goose: fuzzy wuzzy... wasn't the fuzziest person

ragged school me high on soothing syrup reading:

[kispy-keem]

carols