Happiness Equals Reality Divided By Expectation

I never know what to write here. Tammy, Twenty, Sydney Australia

[donut-give-a-fuck-about-abs]

“But mate, all I had was me jocks on and I’m chasing him up the street and I’m just like, mate!”

[thinking2-deactivated20171229]

so this is what gotitforcheap has been up to

[wheelchair-warrior]

i am the most obnoxious person i know

[heychessikuh]

no you are a saint for making this thank you

[quibblerlovegood]

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

[lafilleblanc]

Tom Friedman

Untitled, 1990 

(The artist writes his signature repeatedly for the life of a pen)

via

[psych2go]

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators | NEW VIDEO (Nov 20)

[d0-it-for-the-story]

If this is true, it’s really sad. It’s sad that all the boys I have ever loved fall under one of these categories.

[kittysweetwater]

My grandma is a multiple offender…

[catsgom00]

My ex and my bf’s ex used more than half of these ugh. Current bf uses zero!

[qqqqqqqqqwe-deactivated20170301]

idk why fingers in the mouth is so hot but it is

[myboyfriendpetebuttigieg]

try letting your chicken fingers cool off before you eat them

[alycyn]

don’t 👏🏼 go 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 disco 👏🏼 if 👏🏼 you 👏🏼 won’t 👏🏼 panic 👏🏼

[sw-or-gtfo-deactivated20211219]

my bf has many interesting stories and observations from his new job as a 911 operator

my favorite is how meandering people are, even in the midst of a terrible emergency

they respond to “what is the emergency” with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago–”

and then he’s like “WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW”

and they’re like “so what happened this morning was, i said to my wife, i said–”

“WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT THIS MOMENT”

“oh i’m having a heart attack”

my second favorite is how specific he has to get sometimes

like, “what is your emergency?”

“i’m sitting in a pool of blood.”

“… is it… your blood?”

“yes i think so”

“do you know where it’s coming from?”

“probably the stab wound”

“have you been stabbed?”

“oh yah definitely”

[lizawithazed]

In all fairness shock is a hell of a drug

[sxeli-deactivated20171231]

Fun game:

Replace “Father” in Christian texts with “Daddy”

[sxeli-deactivated20171231]

“Our Daddy who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name”

[tangleofrainbows]

“forgive me, daddy, for i have sinned”

[sxeli-deactivated20171231]

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Daddy, who is unseen. Then your Daddy, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. - Matthew 6:6“

[gayrab]

[nomediocre]

[grassium-z]

[monica-geller]

the worst thing about being australian on this god forsaken website is when it gets to september and everyone from the northern hemisphere is like ‘today i consumed 3 pumpkin spice lattes and picked my halloween costume and had a sexually charged encounter with a pile of leaves!!!!’ and all that ever happens to me in september is that a bunch of misguidedly defensive birds try to fuckign kill me

[mercu-ry-deactivated20171018]

[badlydrawneverything]

[iglovequotes]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[beyoncebeytwice]

bone apple tea

[pomeranian2]

i hope y'all are getting paid to lie about how mint & chocolate tastes good together

[dustail]

I looked down expecting to see a noble person defending the goodness that is a mint and chocolate combo but no, the burden falls to me, the sole person on this hellsite with good taste apparently