hello bitch lasagna

🇪🇪 || ♀ || immortal

[thememedaddy]

[gayist-nb]

heavy is always the big spoon, even when standing up.

i take requests!

[mangled-by-disuse]

Italian conman jailed for building fake Roman amphitheatre

In Italy, a structure promoted for years as an "ancient Roman amphitheatre" has turned out to be a fake, constructed recently using modern m

I have a new favourite guy. free Franco Malosso 'von Rozenfranz' RIGHT NOW and give him a medal for the funniest crime of 2026

[dailyheavymedic]

day 301

lets be unstoppable killing machines together (strawpage request)

[gumi-megpoidd]

i feel like youre faking being trans and are actually a cis girl

??? ive posted my penis?

[gumi-megpoidd]

I DID NOT PLAGIARIZE MY PENIS????

[fexjam]

<(ò_óˇ)>

[konoko]

[funstyle]

having audio processing issues is so humiliating like yeah i heard you and yeah i was actively listening but the problem is i dont know what the fuck you sayed

[jacobtheloofah]

i was paying attention, i was listening, but you see the problem is....it didnt work

[dailycatsblog]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[catboygirljoker]

(via orc-sign-language)

[absolutewifey]

Do You Wipe Your Ass Every Time You Poop

Yes. 100% of the time. Provided there is toilet paper available.

No. Not 100% of the time. If toilet paper is available I sometimes choose not to

Remaining time: 1 day 7 hours

I just learned something I find absolutely disgusting about my boyfriend and I am fucking nauseous about it but need to get him peer reviewed before I completely loose my mind because I am so afraid of over reacting.

[godpup]

HEY CAN EVERYONE TELL SHEILA THAT THIS IS NOT AN OVERREACTION AND THAT THIS IS INSANE AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM YESTERDAY

[ivy-michaels]

GIRL, DUMP HIM

[loth-caatgirl]

GIRL KILL HIM

[iwilleatyourenglish]

girl do not be guilt tripped by a man mudbutting through god's green earth

[shrimp-pulpit]

yo get off your ass i need you to come up front and call a customer the f slur for me i cant reclaim it

[my-slideshow-wmv]

[frawgs]

putting ketchup on fries is too permanent for me … i have to dip . i control the sauce

[comikbook]

why did i get the eating disorder hotline for deedee megadoodoo

[foone]

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

[foone]

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

[foone]

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

[foone]

aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

[foone]

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

[foone]

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

[foone]

one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.

instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess. 

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

[foone]

so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock! 

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

[foone]

I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also… 

THE WRENCH! 

[foone]

now that is a fucking slogan

[foone]

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

[foone]

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

[foone]

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

[foone]

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

[foone]

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

[foone]

found another tool! it’s scissors this time.

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

[foone]

sometimes all I can say is “what”

[foone]

is this vaporwave?

[foone]

I don’t think that’s how that works

[foone]

your strawberries will never be safe

[foone]

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan! 

[foone]

another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in! 

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

[foone]

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards! 

[dotterelly]

I wanted to try making a quesadilla so I googled to check for advice on how to make sure it worked out well. Turns out someone on reddit asked the same question, and now I'm going to make and eat a baby.